Do you think I'm wrong?

Question

Long story short...

So, about a month ago my "best friend" of 20 years [I'll call her "A"] got into a huge argument with another girl who had just recently became our friend [I'll call her "J"] and to be honest, "A" was really to blame for the whole thing. I kept getting thrown in the middle so I just made it easy on myself and stopped talking to "J".

Last week she sent me an email trying to straighten things out between us, not only because she wanted to be my friend again but also because our 10 year old daughters were also pretty close. I decided to accept her apology and let bygons be bygons. Life is too short to hold grudges if you ask me.

So, yesterday night "A" sees a comment from "J" on my MySpace page and flips out!! She sent me a crazy message and deleted me!!

Shouldn't she have come to me first instead of jumping to conclusions and as she put it...playing "Sherlock Holmes"?

What would you have done?

Your thoughts and opinions would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you in advance :-)

Answer 1

Yes she should have come to you first. This sounds like a bunch of middle school drama instead of adult friends. You should be able to have both as friends and stay neutral. "A" needs to grow up.

Answer 2

I'm sure if  you have a 10 year old, your lie is pretty busy and full.Yes, it would have been nice, since you've been friends for 20 years, for A to either- Not have a meltdown in the first place, or Talk to you first, but clearly she is in high drama mode.

I'd give her plenty of space and let her come back to you, which she surely will.  She'll likely come to her senses and realize she totally over reacted.  And if she doesn't well, you decide how important she is in the big picture, and decide if she's worth cutting loose or keeping.

Answer 3

omg im in the same situation!

talk to them both...

explain that it has nothing to do with you.... its their fight and they need to work it out

if A is really that mad at you for it without even talkin to you...

she needs to get a grip and realize that just because your friends with J doesnt mean you wont be friends with her

and tell her that your daughters are friends and you cant just ignore J...

i hope i got the letters right... i confused myself :)

Answer 4

I think you should concentrate on your individual relationship with A and J separately.  Sometimes the old adage holds true ("three's a crowd") especially when there is so much depth of history between two of the parties.  Giving each individual friend your undivided attention will help build and strengthen your friendship.

Also, in this age of technology, the tone and voice of our message is usually lost when we choose to e-mail or instant-messaging to communicate.

Pick up the telephone and speak with your friends the old-fashioned way.  This will help deliver the sincerity of your message and makes the other party feel like you care enough to spend the time talking with them one-on-one.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Talk to both of them. Tell them the fight isnt between you its dealing with them. Tell"a" that if she is making you choose a side to be on, she isnt a good friend. Friends will never make you choose.

Hope this helped.

Answer 6

well first the  window where like the bubble comes out in the picture with them walking but you must be careful because of the dogs and the two cages on the field

Answer 7

Anyone that tells you who to be friends with is not your friend. "A" wants to be in control of things. Try to explain to "A" that your going to be friends with "J", though u still want to remain friends with "A". If "A" has a problem then cut her loose.  

Answer 8

To me

it looks like "A" is jealous of "J" and doesn't want you to get close to her instead of her

Answer 9

Firstly A was the one at fault so why did J have to apologize to you in the first place?  If J is that much of a control freak and short fused and was to blame for the whole event from the word "go" then you might be better off without her in the mix in the first place.  Thirdly their both less than stellar friends for throwing you into the middle of their problem.  

Answer 10

I would say bye bye to friend "A".  It sounds as if you are out of HS and are older from what I read..

To me friend "A" sounds like she needs drama and attention and can't share friendship.  That's petty and childish.  

I'm also concerned that you said you stayed out of it, yet you ignored friend "J" to me that's not staying out of it.  

You should have stuck up for friend "J" and if your friend "A" was a true friend she should have understood and still been your friend.

The years we know someone should not determine the strength of the friendship....it should be based on how we treat each other and respect each other  

Answer 11

I'd tell her to grow up and be friends with whomever she wants.  You do the same.  Don't let her control who you are friends with.

Answer 12

burp dude burp

Answer 13

I'm with you - life is far too short to stop speaking to someone over something that you weren't involved in.  You were mature enough to step out of their fight and effectively say "nothing to do with me - she's never had a problem with me personally so I have no problem with her".  IT would have made things awkward for your girls and at that point it's just getting ridiculous, that two children are affected by a couple of adults who are bickering like schoolgirls.  It isn't fair of your best friend to ask you to cut people out of your life on her behalf and she should feel bad for putting you in a really uncomfortable position.  

I don't suppose any of this advice really helps, since she probably won't listen to your point of view.  She has to realise that you have a life, friendships and relationships outside of the world you share with her and that they must go on even if she has personal problems of her own.  Hope you manage to patch things up with her but I also hope she doesn't force you into being rude to someone who has done you no harm.

Answer 14

just talk with ur frnd A tell her if for just one day or one hrs or one min or one sec u belive on me i saw i dont want to talk with J now its on u want u want to do A but plz think for me also  

Answer 15

This sounds very immature. Do whats best for you

Answer 16

You sound a bit immature to be a mommy. I think if you were smart enough, you would do what you thought was best and whoever rejects that is not worth your time. The whole group sounds immature even "J" for coming back to friends that rejected her in the first place.  

Answer 17

no you should do what you think is best for you