Do you think I am overreacting?

Question

My wife and I have been married 10 years,about 5 years ago we hit a rough patch and I found out that she had an affair with a co-worker,we have worked on our marriage and everything is pretty O.K.now,well sort of,when we were engaged she was the boss of several teenagers,15&16 year olds,they all became pretty close and off and on they stayed in contact over the years,one in particular is a boy who after high school joined the military and was stationed in Japan for the last 8 years or so,my wife would hear from him about once every one to two years,so not very often,he ended up getting married in Japan and didn't call for a long time while he was married,now he is divorced and back home and is very persistent on talking to my wife,he knows some details of our problems from talking to my wife back in the times when our marriage was a mess,he is a grown man now and I am having a hard time figuring out why he is so persistent on talking with my wife because its not like they talked often or had a real close friendship,I am starting to think that he has some other motive,he did have a crush on my wife when he was younger,all the way up to when he left for Japan when he was 18,which I thought was kind of cute because to me he was a young kid,anyway I mentioned to my wife that I thought it was odd that he would call so often,she kind of thinks its odd also,but I left it at that,I would never tell her to not talk to somebody,but think its odd for this 26 year old man to be calling my wife,am I reading to much into this?he never really calls and asks about us,he just wants to shoot the breeze with her.My wife is actually picking up on my feelings and kind of avoiding his calls,is this situation strange or am I overreacting here?please tell me what you think,or if you have any storys that relate

Answer 1

Yes, I think you are.  The young man is probably hurting from his failed marriage and is reaching out for conversation to those who were always there for him.  Your wife is probably an anthority figure to him.  

Answer 2

Mrs. Robinson.

Answer 3

Dude, your radar's going off for a reason.

Listen to what your gut is telling you.  That guy needs to get out and find some other tail to chase.

Answer 4

she is avoiding the calls out of respect for you. let it go and she will take care of it, just trust her to do the right thing.

Answer 5

Hey ! I'm ain't the one with same expierience but my suggestion is to u and ur wife that to avoid him totally and don't respond to him at all .

Plz talk to ur wife and and hav an open conversation with her abt him abt what does she think of him and etc?

He just wants to take his mind off from the divorce and fill in the void.

As u r man u shud know men better,coz men has alternative motives period.Good Luck

Answer 6

yes

Answer 7

No honey, if my husband and I were in your situation he would ask me to break the contact with this guy. He asked me not to be friends with the ex I was with before him, who was still a friend of mine, and because I love my husband so much I broke off all contact.  

Answer 8

They aren't that good of friends that they should be talking so often. He has ulterior motives and your wife needs to put a stop to it immediately. They can send each other a card at Christmas, and that should suffice.

Answer 9

just keep your eyes open anything is possible.

your not overreacting its normal.

Answer 10

Given your wife`s history, your mistrust is appropriate. She needs to tell him to buzz off, and mean it, for good. If she truly loves you she`ll do it. If she persists, SHE has other motives in mind..

Answer 11

I think you are overreacting. he could like your wife but she is obviously not interested in him.  

Answer 12

Why didn't he call much when he was married but now wants to talk all the time?  You don't have to try and order your wife to stop talking to him, but there's a difference between that and talking to her about the situation.

Answer 13

It is a little strange but i think your wife is handling it well, she knows it bothers you so she's avoiding his call's. Just trust her, it seems she has your best interest at heart!

Answer 14

It seems a little inappropriate w/ all the details put together.  The fact he had a crush, the fact the contact was very little when he was married, the fact that your wife divulged personal details of your relationship.  It's just getting a little too close.

I can see sporadic contact, like a call or email or Christmas card or something like that, but this seems to be stepping over the boundaries.

Your wife needs to nip it in the bud and tell him she's a married woman and that it's simply not appropriate for them to be spending so much time talking to each other, and he needs to be free to focus on finding his own relationships.