Do you think I can be a good father one day?

Question

I'm sorry for making this really long but the more information there is, the better you can answer. I'm not having kids anytime soon because I'm only 17. I just like to think about it. I'll start by telling about my dad. I wish I didn't have to think this, but I believe my dad is a pri ck. He's had problems with alcohol and I've seen him attack my mom physically twice. He's been more verbally abusive towards her sometimes.

Now that his buisness is failing, he's getting mad at my mom and pushing her to get money in the house, despite the fact she pretty much does everything else around the house and doesn't need anymore added stress. She paints and sells them on the internet, but my dad doesn't think of it as art but as buisness. Now my mom has to get a job because if I know my dad, he won't look for one himself. My dad is also kind of controlling. Not in the way that she can't leave the house, but kind of like she can't even do things she enjoys around him because he doesn't like it. Here's an example.

My mom had to pick my dad up from his other work a few years ago. She told me that everytime he's in the car with her, he will turn of the radio because he hates my mom's music. Unfortunantly he has to have everything his way. My mom hates his music but she's good enough to let him listen to it around her. I just don't get it. I thought marriage was about compromise. He can't compromise and he's in his 40s. Pretty sad if you ask me.

He's yelled at me and swore at me quite a few times and he's called me names before. I don't care if he's having problems, he's a grown man and needs to learn to deal with them. He's even asked me if he and my mom should get divorced. Umm why ask me? I was only 14 at the time too. How am I supposed to know what's good for you? There's a lot more but I just can't type the rest.

Now for me. With all the things I've experienced in life, I understand people's feelings. I've learned how I'm not supposed to act and treat people. I know what alcohol and drugs do to people. So from a young age, I decided to be a better person than my dad. I don't drink, do drugs, or smoke. I've learned what a good father is supposed to be. I know I'm not ready yet but I will be one day. I know that kids are just kids and you can't shove adult issues in their face because they just don't understand.

I've also taken parenting at my school and unlike most of the idiots in my class, I actually passed with an 80. It's great, though it would have been higher if I didn't have so much to deal with. I learned a lot from the class, which was easy because I understand psychology. I've learned how to work with kids and how to talk to them. I learned how kids develop and how I should treat them.

The whole reason why I'm asking this is because I'm nervous. I would like to have kids one day and I don't want them to end up miserable, anxious, and depressed like I feel now. I don't want them to have to worry about my issues the way my parents are making me worry about theirs. I just want them to be happy. I know I still have things to learn about kids. I can't know everything though ahead of time. Some things I just need to learn along the way.

Answer 1

I read your whole story. Kind of reminds me of mine. Though both of my parents were abusive and had fights almost every night.

I used to love reading psychology books related to children development, but was ridiculed and forced by my father to take Business major in college.

I think you should go with your passion of psychology in child development. You sound very passionate in that area.

To help you with your problem, I think this book may help you to get over some of the hurts from your father. It's called "Toxic Parents - overcoming their hurtful legacy".

Your mom should not take his abuse and call a help line. She deserves a better life. She is lucky to have a wonderful son like you who understands her!

I think you will make a great father. Just rememebr this, all these hurts that you are suppressing inside of you may come out later in life. Kids, as cute as they are, have great tandencies to wear our patience off. At those times, it is the scariest moment, when a parent starts to feel anger and frustration... and all those bad suppressed feeling will try to surface. Just beware.

Good luck in your future. You sound like a bright young man. Don't let your dad doubt yourself. What you're doing is GOOD - don't ever put yourself down! :)  

Answer 2

That was WAY too long and the fact that you said you were only 17 and had no plans on having children anytime soon made me completely skip the rest of it.  At your age, you need to worry about the here and now.  Worry about things that you should be worrying about like college, careers, cars, girls and things like that.  Don't worry about what kind of father you are going to be until you start getting to that phase of your life.  Right now, you just need to spend the next few years discovering yourself and experiencing life.

Answer 3

ha thats long

i only read the first 2 sentences

and the last two...sry

:I

but from what i read

YES i think you would be a great father

(:

Answer 4

you seem like you will one day.

Answer 5

My mother is a horrible person who was neglectful, abusive mentally and physically, manipulative, lazy... I could go on.

And I am a fantastic parent. Like you I grew up determined to never parent like my mother - it has actually made me a better parent I think.

You sound like you will make a wonderful parent one day.

Answer 6

I've read several books about abusive relationships, almost always rooted in childhood experiences.

I absolutely believe you can be a wonderful father from everything you have said, under 2 conditions.

That you make sure your wife, when you get married, is her own woman, with self confidence and no emotional baggage.  If she loves abuse, your relationship may turn into it.

The second is? Get counseling before you have children.  Be it on your own or with your wife, get counseling.  Tell your therapist everything that you have just said, and more.  If you have a therapist backing you up, I think you should be okay.  You can't be a good father if you aren't a good husband first.

good luck.  I'm proud of you for your effort!!

Answer 7

YES I do!, you are mature in your outlook and do the natural thing, you think and probably will bring up your future children much better than your dad. You know what is unacceptableand will make it right.

I reckon you should work with children also.

When you have children (like me with sleight similarities in parents), you will try your best to keep them happy and sensitive to others feelings.

Good luck and be strong.