Do you think I should have my brother in my wedding party?

Question

my fiance wants my younger brother as do I, to be in our wedding. We are both very close to him. I am just worried that my older brother is going to be hurt if we do not include him and we include my younger brother. We do not get along with my older brother, yet I love his wife...my sister in law.. and she is also going to be in the wedding..which is pouring more salt on the wound. I wish my fiance and I got along with my older brother, but he is just one of those guys that thinks he know everything about anything and has only negative things to say. Is it wrong of us to include one brother and not the other?

Answer 1

i would say include him in the wedding, he is still family and indeed it would be hurtful if you included his wife and your other brother without him. i can tell you still love him some what otherwise you probably wouldn't have asked this question. i understand what you mean when you say you don't want him in the wedding but maybe this could be the opportunity to patch things up. try to rise above his negative comments.

its entirely up to you, this is just my opinion.

have a wonderful wedding and i hope this helped.

Answer 2

i think you should include both of your brothers, hes family and its your day, you shouldnt have to worry about him messing anything up. he should realize that and just put it aside for you and your fiance. but like i said they are both family and deserve to be with you on your wedding day

Answer 3

i think you should invite him but, i think that like it is going to be a very special day for you and your husband you should forget all of the negative things he might say.

as of hurting feelings?? maybe but you should invite both of your brothers.

Answer 4

Your able to do whatever you want to do - it's YOUR wedding..... Don't do things out of pitty because it wont turn out the way you want it too.... Your big brother will get over it and if he doesnt - what does it matter - you don't get along with him anyway - right?  

Answer 5

I have always been a firm believer in only choosing those you feel closest to for the attendant positions, but in the case of siblings, if you include one you shouldn't exclude the others. I am close to both of my younger sisters, so they of course are in the wedding, but my fiance' and I aren't particularly close to either of his siblings, so neither is in the wedding.

Answer 6

I would feel bad if my brother was invited and I wasn't.  But it is your wedding party so you should be able to do what you want.  I think you make it friends or family and friends and if you include family all should be apart of it.  Blood is thicker than water.

Answer 7

The best answer I can think of is if you invite him to the wedding, then why not in the wedding party? being in the wedding party gives you control over him for the day. unless your sure he will be a disruption. Asking him to be in the wedding could be a good start, maybe he will take this and grow from it. But weddings should be family first, maybe you'll get lucky and he will say No! But not offering could be thrown in your face forever! Just think for a second, if he's going to be there anyway what suit he wears does not matter!

Answer 8

Include both of them.  They are family.  Maybe this will help.

Answer 9

It shouldn't matter, he wont care if he doesnt get along with you hopefully. It is your wedding, anyways and you should have it how you want, dont worry about anything else. but maybe just include him as an usher or something, dont make him a best man or anything.

Answer 10

your brother is someone you grew up with. as annoying as he is sometimes your related so you're going to have to see him again. unless you run away to the north pole. i think you should talk to him in person maybe over dinner, and tell him how negative he can be. and you want to get along with him, but you don't like his attitude. then maybe if he agrees to try to be more positive then invite him to the wedding. cause he's your brother and when you need someone he's going to be the one running. your family is really important. so i hope everything goes well and congrats!

Answer 11

I don't think that not including him is going to make your situation any better.

Something like that could cause even worse tension between you guys forever.

And doesn't your sister in law stick up for her man and say he should be included too? Or does she also think he's a jerk?

Answer 12

Well it's not helping your relationship if thats what your asking..But remember This is your day. You get to have it ANY way you want. Hopefully you only get married once. Make it how you want it. If he gets offended just say nicely" Honestly I didn't think you would want to be in it." He's a guy so he probably wont even care. Good luck. Congratulations

Answer 13

The choice is yours. Just to let you know older brothers are for some reason that way. Mine oldest one is, but I still love him and he served as a witness at my wedding. Remember that he is your brother and maybe allowing him to be in your wedding will make his day.

It's just a thought

Answer 14

Not at all. It is your wedding, not your older brothers. This is one very special and important day in your life that is only going to happen this one time. Make it how you and your fiance want it to be. Don't worry about other peoples feelings. He should be happy just watching you on your special day. Hope that helps. Best of luck!

Answer 15

If you are very close to your brother and sister-in-law, then those are the people who should be included in the wedding. If you are not that close to your older brother, he should understand that he shouldn't expect to be in the wedding. Good luck!  

Answer 16

He is your blood. You should have him in your wedding. You never know, it may mend whatever wounds there are between you all.  

Answer 17

i wouldnt care what he says its his fault hes like that not yours

Answer 18

yeah based on all that, i think you pretty much have to have your older brother in it.

Answer 19

I think u should include him even if u don't get along. Maybe u guys will make amends at the wedding. I would fit him into the wedding party. Even if u don't make amends u won't feel guilty

Answer 20

Everyone is right, its your day bottom line is, you can do what you want.  BUT put yourself in his shoes.  How would you feel if he had all your siblings, AND your husband in his wedding and not you?  

Answer 21

Honestly, since you are having one brother, you should have the other one.  He soulds like the kind of person who will not want to participate anyway.  If you are really close to his wife, and she sees his shortcomings, you may be able to have a frank conversation with her.  She may be able to give you the advice you need.  If they already know that she is going to be in the wedding, then he has probably said something to her about his involvement.  (I'm hoping,for your sake,  he has made comments such as "no way I would do something like that."  or "Can't we just stay home.")  Good luck.  

Answer 22

if his presence is going to make you uncomfortable on your big day, then don't invite him...

you don't want to be dealing with those issues on your wedding ...no way..

Answer 23

It's your wedding. Your night for you. You need to do it the way you want to do it and not care about what someone else might think.

I hope this helped.

Answer 24

This a little difficult.  Maybe you and your fiance can just ask him anyway.  

I don't know how bad the relationship is with your brother but maybe just explain to him that you would like for him to be a part of your special day but you don't want for there to be any fighting or arguing going on with him and that if he feels that he can't say anything positive or be helpful in anyway, then he should decline your request.  

I agree with what some other posters said about this could help your relationship with him.

Congratulations and good luck!

Answer 25

A solution that a lot of people use in this instance is to have your brother as an usher. You know when the females come to the wedding ceremony he ushers them to their seats. That way he wont be totally left out. And, he can feel useful.

Answer 26

Friends come and go but family is forever.  I chose to include my family members in the ceremony even if I was closer to my friends.  I have never regretted it.

Your brother may be a pain but you should include him.  You already know his annoying faults so accept them and move on.  When you (and your children) look back at your wedding pictures you will be glad to see him there with you.  Most people who are know it alls just want to be recognized.  He is probably insecure about who he is and what he knows so he dispenses advice to build himself up and feel important.  Or maybe it is part of being an oldest child- he is trying to protect/parent you with his advice.  As far as the negativity- this is a hard one to deal with.  If he is negative about something that you or your loved ones have going on tell him that his statement isn't very nice (or appropriate, or fair, or accurate...)  You can then point out something positive about the situation which if it doesn't help him will put a positive spin on it for you and help you move away from the situation on a happier note.

I spent my 20's annoyed and trying to change my family now I am spending my 30's trying to repair relationships and enjoying my family.  There is something about family that makes you think you can change them but you can't- people only change when they want to.  When my family is hurtful toward me I confront them and ask them if they meant to say or do the thing that hurt me.  Usually they didn't and they apologize.  If it isn't something that doesn't affect me directly I accept it (maybe I don't like it) and move on instead of dwelling on it.  

Weddings put a lot of stress on relationships.  It sounds like you and your fiancé are on the same page and whatever happens stick close together.  In the end what matters is your marriage and that you two make decisions together.  With the 'I do' you suddenly become each others most important family member.  You two against the world. I think weddings were invented so that people could see each other at their worst so that they know what they are getting themselves into.  

Good luck- and don't forget to have fun.

Answer 27

you can invite him and still not be part of it.