Do you think I was right for leaving my parents?

Question

I am 22 and I haven't spoken to my parents for four years. I had a final falling out with them after I graduated from high school, but my father offered to pay some of my college tuition, and any other costs I need through his bank account. I do not plan on ever trying to see them again. They were exceptionally good parents through childhood, always loving and caring, top notch parents, but when I got older I saw them for who they really were. I don't like thinking about my childhood because it makes me feel guilty for leaving them. I always try to remind myself that they are not the same people that I see in the pictures, and that I am not the same child. They became uncaring and offered no support. My mother had stress problems, and for as long as I can remember has always made me feel guilty. She is one of those 2-faced people who seem very loving and at peace, but are really ridden with anger and emotionally selfish. My father is cold and withdrawn. He never talks to me much, and has never really been there for me at crucial times for a son. Whatever it is with both of them, it wasn't healthy with me to live with them and communicate with them. For a long time I suffered from depression and was full of rage from being with them. Living on my own, I feel so much better. I don't feel empty or homesick. I feel free of the chains of guilt that have been on my chest, and for the first time in a while, I feel truly happy.

Answer 1

In addition to feeling happy, you must feel conflicted; otherwise you wouldn't be seeking feedback from others. Your parents are unable to give you the emotional support that you need.  If financial support is what your parents can offer to at this time of your life then accept it for what it is.   They are trying to be supportive in the only way they know how.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

I do not understand how they were awful parents. It seems to me that they were great parents until you became a teenager and probably gave your parents a hard time. My Mom and I did not get  along very well when I was in high school but that's because I was a teenager and my mom gave me rules. No teenager likes rules. Sounds like you may actually have been the one who didn't appreciate all they did for you. Maybe you should talk to them. I'm not saying go home and live with them just talk with them. How would you feel if they died and you never made up with them? Try to remember the good times and not let the bad times ruin your chance of staying family.  

Answer 3

first of all, you need to let all the bad feelings go about your parents. can you do that just for a minute? will you let it go from your body and drop it on the floor? the feelings that come up reminding you of something they did or said or didn't do to push you away from them. let it all go and relax in your body. it is okay to step away from your parents, and know that maybe one day you will be able to see them again or maybe not, but it doesn't matter right now. what matters is getting your life together and stepping up, improving your life, not falling into addiction or depression, but finding ways to improve the quality of your life. you need to let go of the guilt, anger, regret and hurt that you feel about them. it is your life now and you are free to do what you wish, no one has to make you unhappy again. be in the moment and let go of all that stuff you have rolling around in your head. they are out there but you don't need them to dictate your happiness. when you are older maybe you will feel comfortable reconnecting.

Answer 4

Look, my parents abandoned me when i was 2 yrs old. and i lived a GREAT life. yeah, i went through some tough times and i know if i had parents there, things would be a little different but remember..things ALWAYS happen for a reason. just because you dont talk to your parents doesnt mean your a horrible person, its actually opening your eyes and letting you have a little more experience in life. if you feel happy, then be happy! and when the time is right, things will fall in its place

Answer 5

On one hand you said they were exceptionally good parents, then turn around and blast them for their personal flaws and failing as parents and being the cause of your depression.I am glad you feel better now, but you should feel sorry for them because they have not outgrown the areas they are stuck in that is hurting them.

Try getting them in church,pray for them.Maybe they do not realize their short comings.Try talking to them.Unless they were horrendous to you,beat you verbally abused you,molested you etc.I'd say you are being pretty selfish and harsh on them.

Answer 6

To be completely honest your whole story here sounds almost pleading.  Like, you are really, really wanting the rest of us to agree with you and not make you feel like you did wrong.

If this is the long and short of it all then I do not agree with your decision to end your relationship with your parents.  It sounds like your mother has some deep emotional issues that your father is too defeated to understand.  She needs psychotherapy and love, not abandonment and anger.  

You say you have found your center in life, yet obviously your parents absence stings.  I doubt that you are truly as happily grounded as you think you are.  

If I were you, I would open the door to your parents very slowly.  Start calling like once a month.  Nothing major, just a 'Hi, haven't talked in awhile, how have you two been?'  Give minor details, 'Oh work's fine', and advance from there at a steady pace.  Then, as you begin to feel more open with them I would suggest the three of you visit Family Therapy before you have a full relationship again.  Your mother may feel better about doing this together then going it alone.  Years of depression is hard to break so go at it gently.

Good luck to you but I really think you need to re-evaluate your parents and what their needs are instead of solely focusing on your own.  After all, if you ever have children and one is unruly will you so easily drop them, too?

Answer 7

i know what you mean, read my question, i have the same issue with my mom, she has finally offered to help me through college, after i have spent over a year struggling with depression and financial problems. thing is she could have helped me all along and she didnt. this i do not understand. i have finally realizd that she doesnt care about me. she has made me feel bad since i was a child,and has made me feel worthless, but she has offered to help, and i have decided to take her help after rejecting it, becuase i know i need it and i know i need an education. you dont owe your family anything, let your father help you, thats what most parents who care would do, finish school then maybe you can pay him back if you feel like it, but having gone through this, i understand the feelings but the most important thing is for you to get an education, any parent who has kids should help them succeed in life, to me it is an obligation to at least set them up for success, and help them if they are trying. it is hard out there in the world, and even thogh you can make it, why waste time struggling. take the money, you dont have to talk to them if you feel they are not good for your life.

Answer 8

Considering that you say they are the way they are, and yet made sure that you had a good childhood, I would say that that was pretty selfless of them.  Raising an adolescent is tough, in the best of times, and maybe they just didn't know how to handle it the way that you think would have benefited you, but I am sure they tried and sounds like they tried to help you out even more recently. Stop being so selfish, realize people are imperfect. You are on your own now, so you can keep your center. It is not excusable to just ignore them now. That is really sad and cruel of you. Not everyone shows love the same way but they tried and they did their best. Have some appreciation.

Answer 9

no u did wrong u should have talked to ur parents..