Do you think Im being unfair??

Question

My MIL to be, hates me with a passion to the point in the 18 months I have bn with my bf I have bn banned from the house twice, collectively for 8 months now, its a joke. The woman wont think twice about picking the phone up as n wen she feels like it & hurls abuse at me saying how much she begs her son to finish with me etc ...... gettin the picture of the witch? she has even gave the the option b4 of me & ur whole family or her, (he picked me)!! she hated it!! she has warned to never gt pg by him & there is no chance she will let us live together.

So, seen as the nutter has banned me from not only the house since May bt also all family parties, meals & get togethers as she wont even be in the same room as me!! for my bfs bday in march i brought him a driving exp in lamborghini he loves cars! the witch is currently on hol till the 27th of this mth & I know she really wants 2 come & watch him drive the car, my point is. why should she? she knows I will be there? so i rang the driving exp ppl up the other day & arranged the driving day for 13th sept (sat) when she n her husband are back off hols & will be wanting to come. I have told my bf she is nt allowed as it is a gift 4 him nt his family, he thinks im being unfair. But I dont think I am. I did nt want to book the exp on a day wen she was on hol cus she would nt of cared about nt bein able to go as she wud be away hence me booking it on a day wen she will be at home & only be able to see pictures & missing out like I have to with the parties she will nt let me attend. I have invited his brother & his gf to come along (2 rub salt in the wound) of course bt banned her!! I have a feeling she will try making up with me a wk or so b4 the driving exp bt Im nt givin in, my bf has gone all quite saying its a shame she is missin out etc along with his dad - who has backed his wife in my ban etc.

What do you think?

Answer 1

I think you better do a number of things, first, learn to spell, and how to write a decent sentence complete with punctuation. Second, both you and your boy friends mom are acting like immature 3 year olds. Have you ever sat down and honestly thought about what the future is going to be like? This woman is your future husband's mother, he loves her and she is going to be a part of his life until she dies. This feud will continue to fester and turn UGLY, affecting you, him, your relationship, any children you might have etc, etc, etc. Life is too short to go through it hating someone and trying to "rub salt" into the wound every chance you get. You also forgot to mention why you were banned twice, I believe there is more to this than what you have stated, perhaps counseling might help?

Answer 2

um i think that you need to reconsider being with this guy if he cant stand up for you

he shouldnt be going to fam dinners without you, if he choose you then he stand by you, you wouldnt need to be doing this and shouldnt, as he is your husband to be your aim should be to get to know his fam...his aim should be to make sure they accept you in return

i wouldnt baned her, however if my bf's mom was like that he would be telling her she didnt need to show up if she couldnt behave...luckily we get along great so thats not an issue

this aint your battle its his...his unwillingness to take the battle is not choosing you, as long as you are reasonable and not add to the problems (but willing to fix it) then he should stand by you

no i wouldnt ban her, i'd want to for the family peace try to get to know and get along with her, however effort need to be 2 way

by sinking to her level your not making things better, she is his mom, its not your jobb to ban her, its his job to set the limits

and when he dont its your job to set your lines and say things like

sure she can be there, but i'll be leaving if she aint pleasant to me, if you choose me then you stand up for me if she acts up...she is Your mother

but yeah my bf went to family dinners without me, and accepted a ban, i'd leave him...he havent chosen you then

Answer 3

Way to sink to her level.  Look, you're planning to marry into a family to a certain extent, not just marry your boyfriend.  Life is so much easier if you can at least find a level medium with your significant others family.  And that takes at least one person trying to be a grown up about the relationship.  As she's demonstrated that she can't be, it would be nice if you could be.  

These are the people who your boyfriend has loved all his life.  They're always going to be pretty important to him and he's always going to want to share triumphs with them...just like he wants to share the driving experience with them.  But he's also shown a stunning desire to be with you in spite of his mom's objections.  That is a good sign.  

It's an even better one if you can stop putting him in the middle of the fight like his mom keeps doing.  This is his experience.  Let him share it with whoever he wants to.  Including his mom.  Be gracious to her.  She'll be standing there watching him enjoy this amazing gift that YOU gave him.  

Answer 4

This is very hard to answer because its virtually unreadable. But I think the gist of it is that your b/f's mother doesn't like you and you don't like her and you are playing games with her to get back at her for playing games with you.

This is no way for either of you to act. I have a feeling that she knows you aren't right for her son and she's responding to that. You, on the other hand, think there is some sort of entitlement that allows you instant love and respect without having to develop a relationship. I don't see in this very hard to understand story, where you have any respect for the mother of the man you love. That pretty well speaks to your character and level of maturity. I would think that would be a nightmare for any mother.

I suggest you look very hard at this situation. I don't think this is the right man for you, and I don't think this is the right family. I don't see anything in your post that leads me to believe that you are mature enough to maintain a relationship with another woman, and that's what you have to do when you marry someone. He comes with a mother, a grandmother, and probably aunts and sisters. Its your job to get along with them, not the other way around, you are the stranger.

She doesn't like you because you don't put much out there to like. Can't you do better?