Do you think a drug addict will always be a drug addict? even after treatment? kind of long but please?

Question

i met this guy and i like him he is very sweet, but i just found out that he got out of teen challenge feb and he some time last yr went to rehab, he went for drinking,meth,coke,pot, not sure if thats all or not, but do most ppl stay sober?

oh he is 26 and had been a user since he was 17 if that helps and been clean not even a yr

and how can i tell if he uses or not what are some signs to look for.

i heard someone say a weird taste when kissing. well he kissed me 1 time and there was a weird bitter taste, and i have noticed recently he has been getting a lot of i guess pimples on his face. i have a daughter and i dont want that around my kid and i wonder if i should give him the chance or just stay away from him?thank you any oppinions? or thoughts on this

Answer 1

I can only speak from the experience I have.  My youngest sister is an addict.  She has been to rehab multiple times.  Every time she goes she says she will stay clean.  She does for about a month or so.  Once she stayed clean for almost 3 months  while she was pregnant.   When she is clean her complexion is clean and her skin looks fresh.  She talks plain and can be civil to other people. She even dotes on her son who is 3.  We know when she is using again because money starts missing, she gets bad skin (kind of like acne), she slurs and she pawns my nephew off on anyone who will take him.  Usually my 64 year old father because she lives with him.  My brother in law is also an addict.  I do not know what he is like when he is clean because he has never been clean since I have known them.  He was in jail and had been for 2 months got a 12 hour furlough for his step dad's funeral and escaped my mother in law to go get high during the funeral.  I would like to think that people can change and I always try to give the benefit of the doubt, but I have never seen anyone reform.  Please use caution because of your daughter.  No one can make the decision but you and you seem pretty smart and you care for your child so I am sure you will make the decision right for you.  Good Luck!

Answer 2

yes, he'll always be an addict. personally, i would stay away from him, and definitely keep my daughter away. children are just too precious and drugs are dangerous.

Answer 3

I have had a whole life time experience with alcoholics and drug abusers.  Run as fast as you can away from this guy.  He is no more "clean" than the man in the moon.  He may not be using at this moment, but he hasn't been clean long enough to deal with his childhood trauma which is what got him in trouble in the first place.

People use or drink because they don't love themselves.  If they don't love themselves they certainly can't love others.

Love and honor yourself, and your daughter enough to find someone who is not a user.  You and your child deserve to have a "whole" man, not one bringing his childhood issues to the relationship.  You will never win over his childhood trauma.  

Trust me when I tell you this.  This is a losing situation, but you and your child could suffer greatly before it ends, IF you continue to see him.

Answer 4

For your child's sake DUMP HIM hes 27 I'm sure he cant hold a job  and if he has had one for more than a month its probably minimal whats the pint in getting involve you will not change him you will be the one to change, to answer your question some druggies do stop and some stop when their dead

Answer 5

It's obvious to say he is still using, but it might be something prescribed to him or to one of his friends. He also might be getting downers online, and I would gauge what he is "on" based on his speech. (slurred or spoken quickly), if he has a sense of ambition or seems lazy and understimulated, and whether or not his workplace could be contributing to his breakouts. Also, I would take into account how you guys fight, what you fight about, and why.

Ultimately though, I believe your question is substituting a generalization and/or misconception for advise on whether or not this person is a positive role model, provider, and loving human being.

Make a checklist:

[  ] Is he home around your child for more than 4 hours/day?

[  ] Do you feel comfortable with leaving him with your child by themselves?

[  ] Does he spend more time on his cell phone than he does spending quality time with you and your child?

[  ] Does he ever react in a violent manner, or express intense apathy for the world around him?

[  ] Does he have children and if so, why isn't he around to be a loving father to them?

[  ] Has he ever gotten violent with you, or disciplined your child in a manner that you were troubled by?

[  ] Does he drink and/or smoke around the child?

[  ] Has he ever threatened you or your child?

If more than 3 of these are checked, I say he has 10 more years ahead of him, a new set of prescriptions, and a successful job where he owns his own place, does his own laundry, fixes his own food, washes his own dishes, and devotes his entire being to you and your kid before thinking of him as your husband or your child's father figure.

If you feel like the s*x is worth the risk of your child's success in life, I say party all night without taking responsibility for your own or his own prior actions and regrets. We all have them, and we all have our addictions whether they be to something legal, illegal, life-enhancing, or life-destroying.

Which side are you on? Now's the time to choose because your kid will use the environment he grew up in as a means of visualizing and shaping his world. His perception depends on your instincts, and don't ever second guess what would be illogical not to assume.

Answer 6

It he worth the risk when you have a child?

I don't think so.

Stay away.

Your child isn't worth gambling or risking.

When in doubt, the answer is NO.

Answer 7

Adult acne is caused by hormonal imbalances.  Drug use will cause that.  If his pimples are increasing, then he will power has decreased.  

Some drugs will always have a pull on him.  Crack is one.  Blood-shot eyes.   Excuses for bad breath, late nights, missed phone calls, etc.  But even more important is the type of friends he is hanging out with.  Does he or his friends have well-paying jobs for being 26?  Or is he just getting by as a pizza delivery guy?  How much drama is around this guy?  Just look for basic personality and quality characteristics.  If he has lousy, drug-abusing friends, then they will influence him eventually.  That is just how that goes.  

And you can date this guy without having him around your daughter.  In all honesty, she needs to see Mom being Mom, not Mom dating some unsure-of guy.  I am a single mom, and I didn't bring any guy around my kids for at least 6 months.  Most guys don't show their true self until at least 3 months into the relationship.  If it hasn't been that long, then don't have this guy around your girl.  As a mom, you have a duty to protect her, including from possibly *wrong* people.  Basically, you need time to judge for yourself so that you can set a good example for your girl.  You want your daughter to see you make good choices in men, not go from one looser to another.  Tough, I know, but I've been there!

P.S.  Talking to him won't help your situation.  If he is an addict, he will just deny everything to you.  This is where you need to keep your eyes and ears open.  Actions speak louder than words, especially in his case.  Is he trying to better himself or trying to find the next party or trying different excuses as to why he didn't get the last job?

Answer 8

the pimples COULD be the results of meth but it also could be bad hygiene, as frequent drug users rarely think about their physical appearance.  I dated a drug user once too, you can tell when they start making excuses for it, when they tell you they will quit, just one more hit.  It's hard to judge, and smoking weed gives you a bitter tasting mouth.  If he is acting spaced out or uptight, he probably is using.  I wouldn't even take the chance if I had a daughter.

Answer 9

i would stay away because i wouldnt wanna take a chance what if he says he's sober but he really isn't and tries to do something to your daughter i wouldn't risk it.....

Answer 10

Bitter taste? Doesn't necessarily mean anything.  If he's chewing opioids that might leave a bitter taste in his mouth.  He also might just need to brush his teeth!  Pimples?  Forgot to wash his face a couple days in a row... or it's getting to the hot part of the summer so he's sweating more, clogging up his pores... lots of explanations for this that don't involve drug use.  

An addict always an addict? Well, depends on what you consider an addict to be.  Someone who uses?  Not necessarily... he could easily "stay clean" for the rest of his life... lots of people do relapse, but it's not unheard of for someone who's really committed to stop using.  Also, there are users out there, who refer to themselves as "chippers" or "recreational" users, who some would argue are not true addicts.  If what you mean by addict is that he'll always have cravings for his drug of choice, or cravings just to get "messed up," the answer is "probably yes."  But this doesn't make him a bad person.  And it doesn't mean that he doesn't care for you.  It simply means that, and perhaps partly because his brain chemistry predisposed him to this, his motivational system has been rewired/hijacked/whatever-you-want-to-ca... and it's really, really hard to overcome something like that.  

More telling than bitter tastes in the mouth, which can be explained by anything from poor brushing habits to morning breath to a vinaigrette in his salad, one thing to look for is heavy drinking or (tobacco) smoking.  Nicotine and alcohol are, although legal, still drugs, and highly addictive ones that that.  A common behavior of addicts is to "medicate" their addiction by taking legal drugs like alcohol and nicotine.  

I agree with other people here, that having a frank conversation with him is the way to go.  If nothing else, because for a successful relationship, openness is pretty much required.  That goes for both people, and keeping suspicions secret will only harm the relationship in the long run.  Best not to be accusatory since that will get him on the defensive, but just have an open, frank conversation.  And remember, just because he uses doesn't mean he doesn't care about you.  It means he has a problem that he needs help with, just like any disease.

Answer 11

The only way to make sure he stays sober is to make sure he stays in the program and goes to meetings. I have terrible radar for speed use, but usually people will get paranoid, and skitish if they are using a lot. Keep your daughter away from him until you know for sure that he is working his program. If he can't stay sober you probably shouldn't keep seeing him. Unfortunately, once an addict, always and addict, sober or not.

Answer 12

an addict will always be an addict, even clean.   Kiss this one good by.  Yes, most addicts are lovable, sweet-talking con artists and someone has to love them, it just doesn't have to be you, not with a child to consider.