Do you think a father should be forgiven if he abandoned his family 25 yrs ago and now has returned? ?

Question

...please indicate why. Also, what should the 25 yr old children say to the stranger/father? Should he simply be forgiven or not, what do you think?

Answer 1

Having been in this situation I can say after my mother died in my early 20's I contacted my dead beat father and gave him a second chance.  He blew it. Once a dead beat always a dead beat.  Being a dead beat is not all about money.  My father is selfish, self centered, and only wanted me around as he was now getting old and needed someone to help him in his old age.  I feel for the lies as my mom was gone, only for him to repeate his actions once he found some prostitue to marry and leave his home and money to.

If your not a father when your children are little and need you they certinally don't need a pice of garbage who abandoned them 25 years ago back in their lives.  

Answer 2

Yes to forgiveness. Unfortunately the pain he caused didn't happen overnight so forgiveness isn't going to happen instantly. Forgiveness is what will put you at peace whether you choose to have a relationship with him or not.

It's a very powerful act.

Answer 3

No.  He should earn his respect, not have it handed to him.  The kids shouldn't say anything to him.  If he wants to be in your lives, give him a chance, but he should be the one taking all the big steps to make things right.  He's the one who messed it up in the first place.

Answer 4

You have to remember that there are extenuating circumstances as to why he left.  No matter what happens he is still your father and always will be.  Have you talked to your mom about this? If so, what does she say about it?  Have you talked to your father about this? What is his reasoning behind his actions? I would be straight with both your mom and dad about this issue.  Then you can maybe come to a decision.  Remember, there is enough hate in the world already, so maybe you can start by a truthful conversation and then continue by getting to know each other again.  I know that I was thankful to talk to my dad before he died, my brother didn't.  Good luck to you and I hope things work out.

Answer 5

i think its way to hard to forgive him right away if my father did that to me. first of all you should probably talk to him about it. and then he should probably earn some trust from you.

Answer 6

first of all ask him why he left the family 25 years ago maybe there are problems he could not face at that time  dont be afraid to ask any questions he not only made a mess out out of your life but everybodys life around him ask your brothers sisters what they thinkabout the situation pers if it was my father I would tell him to go back where he came from this was a real heavy buden he placed on your mom   and you would not want to hurt her she has been there for you and he has not