Do you think a step parent can discipline the step children?

Question

Do you think a step parent can discipline the step children?

Answer 1

It depends whether the step parent considers their step child as their own. The relationship has to be based on more than the name "step-mom/dad" or "step child." One has to go beyond the old mentality of the children not being theirs because it's about being part of a family and moving forward. Once a step parent and his/her step child have reached to that level of mutual understanding, then discipline can be possible and appropriate.

Answer 2

I discipline my stepdaughter just as I would one of my own children while she's here.  I'm every bit as much of an authority figure in her life as her mother, father, daycare provider..etc.

Answer 3

Of course.  It will need the natural parents support.

Answer 4

I think it really depends upon the age of the child. I think it is also important for the step parent to respect the child, just as he/she expects the child to respect them.

I am sorry I am not being more helpful, but it really depends on the situation, and the age of the child at the time of the step parents entrance.

Most importantly it needs to be accepted by the parent of the child. A better way to go about step children is not having "moms" rules or "dads" rules, but having house rules. This way you are not enforcing one or the other, you are enforcing house rules, and when you have a generic set of rules like this, it makes for a better consistent type of discipline...and depending upon the child, they can help make the house rules list.

Answer 5

I think it depends on how close you are to the children and how long you have been their step parent.  If you're brand new and you step in then immediately start punishing them, they may resent you more than they (possibly) already do, which will put up walls that may take years to tear down.  However, if you have been the step parent for a while and have spoken with their natural parent about it, i see no problem with it.  It's like a foster parent punishing their foster child.  As long as you don't go any further than the natural parent would, I see no problem with it.

Answer 6

This isn't a black and white answer.  There are sometimes that it is appropriate and some times that it isn't.

One thing to consider is how active both the "biological" parents are - and what their feelings about the step-parent include.  If you have two very active biological parents, and the biological parents do not want the step parents diciplining, then they shouldn't.  On the other hand, if you have a dead beat mom or a dead beat dad, and a step-parent who really stepped up to the plate to raise the kid, then it's crucial for the step-parent to discipline.  

Another big thing is the length of time the step-parent has been in the child's life and the age that the child was when the step-parent came.  If a step-parent came into a child's life as a pre-schooler, then it's much more appropriate for them to be disciplining a 12-year-old thatn it would be for a step parent who just came into the family when the kid was 11.  

Finally, as another poster said, it depends on how the step-parent/child relationship is.  Is the step-parent hands on with the child?  Do they live with the child?  Do they provide for the child?  Do they interact with the child regularly?  Does the child trust them?  If the step-parent is behaving as a true parent in all the other ways, it's reasonable for them to have a role in disciplining the child as well.  However, if they think of the child as "my husband's brat" or "my wife's b*****d" - then they probably shouldn't be dealing out punnishments.  

When I was together with my ex, his almost-two-year-old daughter came to live with us.  I was her step-mom, but wanted to adopt her.  I loved her like my own.  I rocked her to sleep, bathed her, changed her, brushed her hair, took her to the doctors, and comforted her during surgery.  I also disciplined her when need be...  since I was the main caregiver, it could hardly have been otherwise.

On the other hand, if I meet and marry a man, I don't think I'd want him to have to ever be the "bad guy" right away.  I think my son would need to bond with any step-dad on a fun & positive level first.  However, after a while, there would obviously have to grow a level of authority in whatever "step-dad" said in order for a household to ever be peaceful.  I'd want to watch it carefully at first, to make sure my "new found love" knew what he was doing and where the boundries were, but eventually I would hope any new husband I find would become a pretty normal dad.  

I think it's important to note, however, that I would be very uncomfortable with the idea of my son's biological father disciplining him.  My son has only seen him once in the last two years because he makes no effort to contact us at all.  The one time we did see him was almost by accident.  However, if we were on a "visit", I would not be at all comfortable with him disciplining my son in any way.  My parents can discipline my son, my aunt and uncle can, even my little brothers to some degree...  after all, they KNOW my son, and have earned enough love and respect from him to pass judgement on his behavior.  My ex, however, has not.  I would take his disciplining my son to be just as offensive as a stranger doing so - maybe even worse, since I know how he used to lose his temper with his daughter.  

The truth is that the "right" to discipline a child has very little to do with having donated genes.  It has everything to do with the adults relationship to the child.

Answer 7

I don't let my husband spank my son but he can send him to his room and talk to him about what he did wrong.

Answer 8

it all depends on the step parent and the step child and the natural parent

   step parent - if there comfortable

   step child- it wont need any disopline if its not a bad kid

   natural parent- if they think its OK

    (the natural parent  is the biggest deel ) they've been raising them longer and is parenting them to be the way the child is(step parent cant disopline without the natural parent knowing that they do it

Answer 9

Actually, I think all adults have a responsibility to Correct children - even if it's just a disapproving face in the grocery store - to let the kid know there are people who wouldn't let his behavior fly.  

Absolutely the step parent can discipline the step children - but you also better talk it over with the natural parent and make sure you can agree on it as a team. Adults fighting over the kid's discipline in front of the child is extremely bad adn will lead to the kid playing it for all its worth.  Don't fall into that trap.

And by the way, my husband (step-father to my 2 children) correct them and administer discipline with my blessing. He never spanks them but uses other means of getting the message across. The kids are 9 and 12. He always ends any talks with "I wouldn't do this if I didn't love you. If I didn't care about you why would I care what you did? I do it because I care about the person you are and the person you're going to become."

Answer 10

No...I think all discipline should be up to the natural parents only.

Answer 11

With the support of the child's parents yes.

Answer 12

Being as when i was younger and my step dad tried to discipline me i thought of him as just being there with no real power over me so it made me mad that he was trying to discipline me but over time we both learned to kinda deal with each other but he's still pretty much looked on by me as having no real power idk if that helps or not. it might tell you that maybe with more discipline your kid wouldnt see their step parent as i do mine now.

Answer 13

i have a "step-son" but he is like one of my own and i have a daughter from my first marriage, my husband and i each discipline the children, there is no this is my child, that is your child, they are all treated the same all 3 of them.

Answer 14

It depends on what the biological parent thinks is appropriate. I would think if they are going to live with the step children they would have to discipline or the kids would be little monsters.

Answer 15

It depends on how old the child is when the person becomes the step parent. Discipline should be agreed upon by both the parent and the step parent needs to build a foundation and bond with the child before they can discipline. It needs to be a gradual thing. If the child is older when they marry then the situation is more delicate. If the child is young then it is easier for a step parent to work on a relationship that will include discipline as the child grows.

My husband and I got married when my twins were 18 months old, he was around before they were born so he was able to build a bond with them like a biological father would so he has always been an equal part in discipline with me and we have always agreed on discipline. He has since adopted them and so he is legally their father now.

Answer 16

Absolutely. However before anything happens the two of you need to sit down and decide what is acceptable and what is not. Get everything out in the open now so it doesn't become a problem later. If you don't believe in spanking and he does than you need to discuss what action will be taken than so there isn't a problem later. Also remember the two of you are a team and they will try to pit you against each other or go behind your backs. If one of you says no than the other needs to back them up. If there is a disagreement between the two parents than you need to discuss it in private when there are no children around, other wise it undermines each others authority.

     My husband stepped in with my kids and has done a great job. There has been only once we disagreed on  a punishment and we discussed it, came to an agreement and fixed the problem. We are a team and we can not undermine each others authority or the kids will not respect us and then the ball gets rolling to a huge problem. Stick together and you will all do great! Good Luck!!!!!!

Answer 17

depends on how well the step parent is involved with the child and if the parents are ok with that

Answer 18

No. But if they are about to do something dangerous like going into a creepy guys house you can say don't do that. Other then dangerous stuff no.

Answer 19

Yes.  I had a stepfather.  My children also have one now.  Their natural father just passed away about two weeks ago so now for sure.  You never know what's gonna happen so it's easier for them to not have another change right now.  My husband now disciplined them before any of this.  We punish, not spank.  That is only a last resort which we can usually solve without spanking.

Answer 20

Absolutely!  I am engaged to a man who has a 5 year old daughter, and he has full custody of her, so she lives with us.  I am the one who makes sure she has everything she needs, goes to parent/teacher conferences, etc.  He biological mom has made no effort to see her in 6 months, and before that didn't see her for about half of the court ordered visits she was supposed to have, always making up one excuse or another (this was the case even before I came along, so it had nothing to do with me).  Because I love her like my own and take care of her like my own, I feel that I have every right to discipline her as my own.  If my fiancee had said I couldn't discipline her, you can beleive she would have been doing everything under the sun to get in trouble when I was the only one with her....kids are smart!  If they know someone is not "supposed" to discipline them, they will choose to act up when that person is with them!