Do you think adoption seems glamorous to teens?

Question

Daily, it seems, there are questions posted by teens who are dreaming about adopting children in the future.

When I was a teen, (80s) I never knew ANYONE who even talked about having a child, let alone adopting one.

What's this about? Any theories? And is it healthy, or should these teens be thinking about other things?

Answer 1

Do you think adoption seems glamorous to teens?  MAYBE TO SOME

What's this about? MAYBE HORMONES?

I don't think it's unhealthy at all.  Alot of young children "play" house, doctor, etc.

I thought about adopting a child when I was a teen (about 16 to be exact).  I knew I always wanted to be a Mom.  About 16 years later, it became a reality for me.  

Answer 2

It does appear that it seems glamorous to young people.  But, they appear only see the part that makes it look like it's all wonderful.  Perhaps they think adoption equates to "saving" a child.  Perhaps they don't see the part about the looses involved, or the kidnapping that has taken place in some international adoptions.  Maybe they don't see the part about how adopted people have a valid history prior to the adoption, no matter what age the adoption occurred.

In the mid-80's, I was a state social worker.  I worked with families in crisis.  Some of the children were in foster care.  At that time, the push was to keep families together.  Adoption was a last resort in our department.  Judges were very concerned about children and parents being separated. It was not taken lightly.

Certainly as teens, in my day, most of us weren't thinking of having children yet, whether by birth or adoption.  Becoming parents was not foremost in our minds at that age.  For some, it did happen.  They became parents at a young age.  But it wasn't something most of us were thinking about at that age.

Answer 3

Yes, I think it also seems like the "easy" way to have a baby.  They go through s*x ed and get "freaked out" by the pain of childbirth.  At least I know this is how it is for my girls.  Add Juno which makes adoption seem void of any emotion for the mom, and mix it in with Brad and Angelina and, man, who wouldn't want to adopt?  I hear the girls who hang out at our house talk frequently about how they would rather adopt than have their own baby.

Should they be thinking about other things?  Absolutely!

(Oh, ya and another thing.  Adoption should be covered sensitively and realistically in s*x ed. IMHO).

Answer 4

As a teen, I just like to think about ways that I can help to make the world a better place now and in the future.

Really it's just like people dreaming about a future husband, marriage, having kids...

It's not a negative thing at all, and it's not like it consumes my thoughts either, it's just something I want to do in the future...

Maybe when you where a teen you spent more time thinking about boys, stupid drama and clothes?

So many teens are very focused on themselves and really stupid things. Perhaps you should be worrying about them?

Answer 5

Frankly I see the problem two fold.

FIRST -Most teens do not see babies as real. They are more of a concept. Something cute and cuddly to care for and love. To the teen the baby represents the ability to be loved unconditionally by another human being without fear of rejection. The ultimate in baby dolls. Many teens experience great angst over rejection. And thus the concept of having a baby leaves them starry eyed.

SECOND - Adoption is glamourised in the media. Most teens lack the ability to foresee the ramifications of life choices. A hypothetical baby

could seem like the ultimate in accessories. There is  no thought into the complexities of adoption such as ; first families relinquishment, pre-birth matchings, OBC access heritage, sibling groups and certainly not the loss felt by the woman giving up her child.

Teenagers live in the here and now and make many decisions on a whim.

Answer 6

My church doesn't make it sound glamorous but life saving. We have groups that educate the children about the how its important to save children from poverty.  A life with God and a good Christian family is all that is needed to help a child grow up happy. I suppose the media does aid us in our crusade but they cannot take the credit for our work. All children that are adopted come from broken homes riddled with drugs, abuse, poverty, homosexuality,abortionists and alcoholism. If it wasn't for us and God children would be treated like animals in the dog pound. God wants everyone to adopt, I suggest you find Jesus and join us. I'm going to make it a priority to my adopted daughter and future children to adopt as many babies as they can. Its important.    

Answer 7

1-"the art imitating life myth". the media. celebrities.  juno and lifetime...and the fact that everyone and their "mama" is adopting little brown, beige and paisley children from " west butta butta, africa" or some other country that most americans can't find on a map. adoption is normalized in popular media and the nuanced nature of it (fparent coercion, loss, adoptee loss, et al.) is simply glossed over.  next to the "iphone", adopting a kid is what's hot on the streets.

2-"savior myth". they are bombarded with imagery of starving children, poor children and other children who aren't "lucky" enough to have a big home, wii, iphone, and parents with 2 SUVs.  in their minds, the ONLY way to help is to save them and bring them into the same world.  hence, adoption.

3-the "i'm not ruining my body myth." girls are told from a very young age that their appearances are their ticket into a good job, finding a good husband, et al. and having a baby will most likely ruin it. hence, adopting is the second best option.  one gets (in her mind) all the perks of having a baby to cart around, without ruining her figure. too bad nobody tells these girls about the great figure killer...age. baby or not.

4-the"having a baby hurts myth." actually, this is plausible. but, the missing link is that there is an expectation that some women just LOVE producing and birthing babies. discovery health makes delivery look easy, so there must be women who can do it. just not them.

5-the "adoption is just as good as... myth." you can thank your public schools for that bullsh!t. most preach no s*x...yet encourage adoption like its the "golden standard."

6-the "adoption advertising is all over the place, hence it must be tons of babies without homes myth." when adoption agencies are advertising on "myspace" they are not just attracting pregnant girls...yet giving kids the impression that adoption is needed. ie. future customers.

7-the "i don't have a f*cking clue about adoption THEORY." ignorance is bliss...nuff said.

i have a few more, but i think most people hit on them...

Answer 8

Kids are growing up a lot faster now a days.  I see posts of teens wanting to actually get pregnant and have a baby, some girls who are 13 and 14 years old.  No teen should seriously be thinking about becoming a parent in anyway. They should be out having fun living life because you’re only young for so long.

Then again I don’t see anything wrong with the occasional thoughts of the future many people even more girls envision their wedding day years sometimes decades before it actually happens. They may have even thought how many kids they wanted or even picked out names.  My SIL told me when she was 9 she wanted 10 kids (only has 2). My niece (18 in November) apparently has had her 3 kids named picked out since she was 12. Maybe someone has thoughts of adopting in the future.

As long as they aren’t obsessing over it I think its fine. I knew from the age of 15 that i wanted to adopt one day if able. It was not something I thought about often or posted  on message boards.

Answer 9

I think it is great that they realize the option of adoption and want to give a home to a child that needs one.  Right now all states are filled with kids just looking for a loving home and if teens want to growup and adopt that is great.  I don't think it is glamorized for them, they just see it as a big problem.  Many probably know of people who have a adopted or children that need to be adopted.  I know when i was in highschool there were many foster kids there too.  

Answer 10

I don't know if they see it as "glamorous". My theory is they feel it's eaiser to adopt then have a biological child, they don't have to go through nine months of pregnancy, gain weight, give birth, ect. Maybe they think they are "bettering the world" by giving these kids a chance at life? Which I think is a little off, you adopt a child because you want to love and nuture a child, have a family of your own. Not to say "Oh look at me, I adopted this child from a third world country, I'm a hero!"

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Yes, they have more important things to be thinking about, but I'm twenty and a full time student and I admit I've thought about it myself, when I'll have a child, how I think I would like to parent them, ect. I think it's something most girls and young women think about.

Answer 11

I am 19 and have always wanted to adopt a kid. I want to have a kid of my own as well.  I don't see it as a glamorized thing and don't want to do it just because certain celebrities do it.  I want to adopt a child one day because there are so many children that need loving homes and families.  Simple as that.

I certainly don't think it is unhealthy...  No matter what age you are you always think about the future and goals and dreams to fulfill.  When you are a kid you played house.  It doesn't mean you are wanting to get married right then & there.  Teens thinking about their future is normal.  Kids are in most peoples futures.  It's all normal.

Answer 12

You can look at this several different way.  One I think back in the day adoption mostly took place because AP's were unable to have children of their own or AP's were living abroad & decided to adopt a child from the country in which they visited...

In today's world it seems more common that parents that can birth their own children show more of an interest in adopting from other places, simply because they 'can'.  When you have ho's like Angelina & Madonna flaunting their adopted babe like a new Chanel purse, what do you expect?  Celebrities sell products, if they didn't they would be given so much free shiznits to 'market' for companies...adoption; however is on a much pricier scale.  

It use to be, "Oh yeah did you hear about so-n-so adopting a child from China?"   Now it's more like, "Oh wow Angelina adopted a child from all over the world...hmm, I think I want a child from blablabla."

To answer you question tho- reality, teenagers can think about whatever they want.  Kids are getting older at a younger age these days.  However, when thinking about doing anything, instead of diving head first they really should be educated in what they are 'dreaming' about & if they really understand what it is they're partaking it, if done for the 'right' reasons...then it's not my place to judge.  I just hope that they know reality of adoption is all peaches-n-cream.

Answer 13

i was still deciding on what clothes to wear for the day. Kids really didn't enter my mind at that age. I thought they were cute, but i wasn't really planning for the future for kids. call me crazy! =)

Answer 14

Well, I think it's talked about more, both as a result of celebrity adoptions and a more general open attitude about adoption.  I do think what Freckles said about the influence some teachers/professors who see adoption as a solution to the environmental issues.  

Yes, the "happy feel-good" stuff about adoption tends to be overemphasized, while the grief/loss is minimized, or not mentioned at all.  

But since they don't let teens adopt children, there is plenty of time to worry about adoption education.

Teens are questioning  a lot about themselves and the world around them.  That's what teenagers are supposed to do.  I don't see anything wrong with teens asking questions about adoption, career choices, parenting, etc.  It doesn't mean they'll run off tomorrow and adopt, start performing heart surgery, etc.  

ETA: Does anyone else think that there's a new troll here specifically trying to say everything that makes international adoptive parents look bad?

Answer 15

I hear that a lot too.

They either think they will help the world by adopting or don't want to ever have children of their own.

They are teens... what do they know?  

Answer 16

Judging by the number of teens expressing a desire to adopt, I think it is logical to say that they do indeed see some glamour in it.  Could it be that they are getting the idea from movie stars who adopt sooo publicly or from fashion magazines that show models holding babies as if they were trendy fashion accessories?  I would also like to point out the obvious fact that teens are adolescents and have the yet-to-be developed judgement indicative of their youth.  Therefore, I think it is safe to assume that their real motivation for expressing a desire to adopt is completely self-centered and misdirected.  Thank goodness the system does not allow minors to adopt.  

Answer 17

Personally, I don't think they have any clue what "adoption" means.  Yes, they might know it means getting a "baby," but they have NO IDEA what it could entail or how difficult it could be or the type of parenting it might require.  Adopting a "blank slate baby" is one thing, adopting a traumatized 2 year old is another.   (And by trauma, it could mean abuse, abandonment, medical needs, etc)

They have no clue.  But Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are adopting kids from all over, so it must be easy and cool.

Answer 18

Thank that idiot that wrote Juno

Answer 19

I'm sure it seems like something glamorous to do.  They see celebs adopting kids right and left and they want to do what the celebs do.  Is it healthy?  I don't see how it's any different from any other teen daydream.  

Answer 20

I was wondering the same thing.    It's possibly down to the slick marketing of the adoption industry coupled with movies like 'Juno'

No, it's totally not healthy.  The whole entire system isn't healthy at all.

Answer 21

glamorous?

Nah! if it was glamorous they'd have movies about surrendering children to adoption and making a comedy about it... OH WAIT, THEY DO!

or forums on message boards like facebook and myspace and all across the net about how easy it would be to surrender a child without anyone knowing by going to the nearest safe haven...OH WAIT THEY DO!

and how cool it would be to be just like Angelina and Brad adopting rainbows from all around the world...OH WAIT THEY DO...

They'd have people being more concerned about the PAPs than their friend who just went through an abortion so she didn't have to surrender her child to adoption... THAT QUESTION WAS ON HERE YESTERDAY!

If someone posts a question about they're adopting, they'd get a big smack KUDOS TO YOU, HOW WONDERFUL, YOU'RE A SAVIOR, GOD BLESS YOU!.... read comments like that...all the freakin' time.

yeah, must be. <shiver>

Answer 22

I think that for me the desire to adopt comes from people I know that can't have children. Also, if I ever were to get pregnant in the next 4 years (college for me) I would want an awesome couple to adopt because to me abortion is not an option. I'm sure some people think adopting is like a fad because of Brangelina, but in school we have read so many stories of orphans in countries like China and Russia that to any compassionate motherly girl, adopting becomes something we really feel like we can help the world. To me I would want 2 or 3 kids and then adopt 1 or 2 but only if I had the monetary support. I love kids and to those who pay attention to the news there are so many places even in America where babies need someone and I hope to change some kids life by adopting one day.  

Answer 23

Dear Sunny,

I asked a question the other day about my college professors advocating for adoption in regards to the earth's human overpopulation problem.  It wasn't just one professor, there were many.  Not to mention the teaching assistants advocating for adoption, some already had adopted.  One professor went as far as calling irresponsible to biologically have more than one child, just adopt the rest.

It is preached how the Earth's human population explosion is our responsibility and we are obligated to remedy this situation before its too late.  Animal extinction, lack of resources, and even new diseases are directly correlated to the rise in the human population.  With each new subject there was a way to tie it all back to population control overtly or covertly adoption was brought up.  Talk about guilt.

I believe science teachers especially biology teachers are subtly influencing young kids to lean towards adoption.  You know the whole make the world a better place theory.  On paper adoption might sound like the logical solution but IRL we know there many more dimensions and complications with adoption.  

This is one factor among many listed by others here.  Kids should be having fun and being kids before "playtime" is over.  

Answer 24

whats wrong with that? would you rather wanting them to post questions about wantung to get preggie?

and thats exactly the thing, were not in the 80's anymore. times change.

maybe they want to save a child. adoption is a very nice thing to do. its not like they think about it 24/7.