Do you think attachment disorder is real?

Question

I was adopted, which is supposed to cause some attachment issues, but my adoptive parents were also abusive in many, many ways. It's hard to separate the chicken from the egg, with both factors playing together to make me feel less connected and more paranoid that other people want to harm me in some way.

I'm interested in hearing about your experiences with these issues. Do you feel separated, no matter how much you want to join in?

Answer 1

I jnow tha t*t is real becasue my adoptive parents are both foster to adopt and when my biological brother came to live with us he had a hard time with attachment problems he would call anyone and everyone mom and dad he would scream and yell and hated to be touched so they moved him to another foster home and there he was abused and tresatred like **** so now he is back liveing with us and him my momo and dad have to go and see a attachment disorder counceler to help him move past this its has been going on every since mine and his biologicl parents died when he was 3

Answer 2

Attachment disorders can happen in a matter of degrees, the most severe and the most publicized is Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD).  In my career I've worked with many, many RAD kids.  ALL of them came from original abusive familes, most physical abuse, but mental/emotional abuse as well.  Most of them were either in the foster care system or were adopted out of the foster care system.  Most had prenatal exposure to alcohol as well, which complicated matters significantly.

If the children had any commonalities, it would be a general distrust and rage toward authority figures of any sort.  There is a constant testing of boundaries, as if to prove they are unlovable.  The most severe individuals would inflict serious harm to their caregivers (not the abusers, but their foster/adoptive families, pets, teachers, etc).  There seems to be  genuine disconnect between actions and consequences, as well as any empathy or emotional connection to any other person around them.  The most severe individuals (again, complicated by in utero alcohol exposure) will probably never be able to function as independent adults.

I also agree that while RAD is extremely disruptive, it is also rather rare and way over-diagnosed.  Sort of like "Oppositional Defiant Disorder" it gets tossed around without real clear-cut diagnostic criteria.  

I HAVE seen it, however, and it is most certainly real. Other lesser degrees of attachment disorder are also real and considerably less debilitating.

Answer 3

I have always been a skeptic because attachment disorders seem over diagnosed and it is dangerous to always put a label on behaviors which may be absolutely normal, or which may be due to other factors besides adoption.

BUT, I now have a seven year old living with me who is adopted, and who lost both of his adopted parents, one to death, one to addiction.  I am seeing some major attachment issues with him.  I know very little about this issue and am trying to learn about it.  But all that I have read is completely consistent with his behavior.  I have no doubt that this is real.

Answer 4

I (thank goodness) don't think my children will end ujp wtih attachment disorder, but when I was a foster parent I saw many children, bounced from home to home who def. had it.  I mean why attach to someone when they are going to boot you out in a little bit anyway.

my only hope for all adopted children is that they can feel safe, secure and that they belong with whomever they live.  It is not always the case, but it is my hope for the children of the world.

Answer 5

I was not adopted but I am a foster Mom. And I believe attachment disorder is real. But it doesn't happen to all adoptees or foster children. It all depends on their personal situation. Our oldest foster son (now 8) has it but the little guy (now 4) doesn't.

Answer 6

Im not adopted but im a future foster parent and i think that attachment disorder is real

Answer 7

Hi, it's not so much about attachment disorder but more about the level of attachment you have and with who... it is inherent that all children need to feel unconditional love and closeness, if you are with parents who did not give birth you and do not bond with you in this way then it effects who you are and who you become... the amazing thing about this fact though is you can change who you are now and learn to trust gradually with someone who is patient with you and understands where you are coming from... one of the worst symptoms of a negative attachment as a child is that you will almost become too attached to your own children and have a harder time letting them go when their right of passage occurs... I am sure you will do fine because you are inquiring aobut this and that means you are wanting to make some change.

Nicci

Natural childbirth educator, mother of 5, surro mother of 1, infant daycare owner, and doula.

Answer 8

Yes, there is such a thing as attachment disorder;  however, there are varying degrees of it.   There is always going to be a period of attachment at the beginning of a placement.   Some children have "anxious attachment" or "ambivalent attachment."  True RAD is actually not very common at all.

It's not always the child that has the problem, either.   Sometimes, the adoptive parent is the one who is having trouble attaching to the child, and he can sense that.  I would not be surprised if that was true in your case, since your adoptive parents were abusive.  

I am an adoptive parent of three daughters from China.    None of my children has RAD.   However, my oldest daughter was adopted at the age of 10, and it definitely took longer for us to truly attach than it did with my other two children, who were four years old and eight months old, respectively, at the time of adoption.

Answer 9

I think that a baby ripped away from its mother is defintiely detrimental in so many ways to that babys psyche

I think RAD is like all the other 3 and 4 letter diagnoses out there flung around far too much so that the treatments end up causing more issues, and too much *bandwaggoning* ie everyone jumping saying thats what my kids got...ie the *in* thing etc

The over usage of the label Is like RSI (repetitive strain injury) when that first came out in the 80's ...everyone suddenly had RSI

Then there was PND......everyone now suffers from it and is on some drug for it...

ADHD again another one where every 2cnd child was diagnosed with it

It just hurts me, that so many children (and adults) are misdiagnosed and given drugs for it, the misdiagnoses

Dont get me wrong there are REAL cases of each and everyone of those, but its so easy and seems to be the in thing to have a *label* these days..everyone seems to want one.

Every other woman has PND these days, when in reality its more likely to be hormones, lack of sleep, mental and psychical exhaustion and trying to *do it all at once* *have it all at once*

Where as if they took time to enjoy baby, not go anywhere for the 1st 6 weeks and just to bond with baby..to sleep and or rest when baby does they would fine that quite a bit of that would be overcome

But its oh so easy to go to the Dr these days and say I've just had a baby, I'm depressed and be handed a script for anti depressant when in reality some good meals and decent sleep would actually go a long way to resolving it

When families were more involved in helping the woman with her baby, doing errands , housework meals etc and allowing her to have a break there was a lot less PND And a lot less women on depression drugs

Anyway a slight sidetrack but you get what i mean.....(Although I do think that the pressure of society today does influence young girls and women who unexpectedly find themselves pregnant to give the baby up for adoption or abort so therefore it is quite relevant really !! LOL)

Yes I think it exists but no I dont think *most* adoptees have it, and I think its over used in diagnoses

Answer 10

I wasn't adopted but I have been in many abusivefoster homes when I was younger.It really took me a long time to over come trust I had for anybody, but one thing I did trust in was that God would one day enable me to trust someone,and He sent me that person and we will be getting married next month.In other situations I feel like an outcast and I just look for places that welcome me no matter what, like church or do different activities like go feed the homeless,and that enables me to get out in to the world and start to trust and understand people.

Answer 11

yes, it's real!!

Answer 12

Yes robert I do. i believe in attachment disorders however i don't think they're a disorder on the "adoptees" fault. they are a coping mechanism from society failing the adoptee.

Answer 13

I'm a foster care and adoption social worker and yes RAD and other attachment disorders are very real.  It is not to say that every adopted person has them, but yes they exist.

ETA: Sorry, I had to take a call......now back to you..there are also post traumatic shock issues that happen from abuse and other issues.

Also, a lot of people have social anxiety issues that make them feel how you're describing without adoption or abuse in their history.

You are not alone in this, I see it all the time.  I read it on this board.