Do you think children are better adjusted if they have a sibling, or does it matter?

Question

I have heard some people say it is not fair to only have one kid because you child misses out on the joys of being a sibling. Do you agree? Is it just personal preference? How many then is "fair"? No right or wrong answers here, just wondering about your opinion. We have one, and are trying to decide if we want to have another. Thanks!

Answer 1

I'm an only child. To be honest, it's very lonely, and unfair to do that if you have the option of having another child.

Yes, your child will be missing out on alot of social interraction. (trust me).

People will try to tell you that they can have friends over, they can play with cousins, etc etc. But these people often have no idea what they're talking about cos they themselves had siblings, and unless you're an only child, then you have NO IDEA what its like.

At the end of the day, a sibling can't be replaced. Blood is thicker than water. And when you and your partner are gone, your child will have no close family, no siblings to count on, laugh with, confide in, get help from....they are truly alone.

its a loneliness which never goes away, but you get used to it so you are ultimately a much stronger person.

Answer 2

Well, I recommend on having another one.  I'm an only child and now I'm 21, about to be 22.  Being an only child isn't a good thing.  People think it's great because you don't have to worry about "having a favorite".  That's not true... your child, if an only child will be very lonely.  Yes, they'll have friends, but it's not the same.  Having at least two children will make it a lot better because they'll have someone to relate to and know a lot more of what's going on in their surroundings.  I highly recommend having at least one more child.

Answer 3

I remember feeling the same way with my first.  So, we had more.  My oldest is now 15 and while she is a most responsible child (she cooks, cleans, does laundry and can run the whole house with 6 siblings in our absence) I am still waiting for her to experience the "joy" of having younger siblings.

Answer 4

Having a second child *just* so your first child won't be lonely is stupid. There should definitely be better reasons than that for bringing another person into the world!

I don't see anything wrong with having 2, 3, 4, or more children if that's what a couple agrees upon. It's each couple's decision when considering having children -- not a right or wrong thing to be decided upon by other people.

I have one child and I am divorced. Sometimes I think about having or adopting another child, but ultimately I think it would be unfair to my son if I was to have another baby. For one, he would be 8 years older than his sibling if I was to get pregnant tomorrow. That's quite a big age gap! (Works for some people, but not my preference.) Secondly, he is used to having all of my attention when we are home together. I think it would be unfair for him to have to share that all of a sudden. Third, I don't think I am financially and organizationally able to provide for another child. I know I have enough love, but kids need stuff and stuff costs money. I am stretched thin enough having one kid in soccer and after school activities -- I don't think I could handle it with a second child. Selfish? Maybe. But that's MY choice. Just as it is other people's choices to have no children or a bunch of children.

PS - As for as the adjustment issue, my son has no problem making friends. He has friends at school and friends who are children of my friends, so he sees them often. When we go to the beach or a park, he is always asking other children to join him in a game and he plays with the same kids for hours. I don't think adjustment is a problem for him simply because he doesn't have siblings.

Answer 5

IMO, there is no right or wrong in this situation.  My husband was an only child, but he is well adjusted and doesn't feel he missed out on not having a sibling (BUT he had cousins that he was close with). He also wasn't a spoiled brat.

I came from a large family (me and 6 siblings) and I loved it.  My kids like having only two other siblings.  I just believe it's all in how we are raised.

Answer 6

YES and No.  If you put a group of kids together, it is pretty easy to pick out which ones have siblings and which are the only child.  I have found children w/o siblings are pushier, more self centered and demanding for attention.  However, they usally have good self esteem and handle themselves well with adults.  

The question of fairness puzzles me a little.  You will love ALL of your children equally, you will give them all that you can emotionally, financially and physically equally.  I don't know what isn't fair about that.

Answer 7

i believe it is unfair to only have one. then the child doesnt have someone to always go to and to know they always have a friend. i mean why not have another??? haha

Answer 8

I believe that every kid should grow up being a sibling.  Sometimes the only child feels like they don't need anyone and grow up as a loner. Or sometimes they believe that they are better than everyone because being an only child they are spoiled and/or do not share the parents love and attention.

Answer 9

I think it totally depends on the family. If the parents have one child and decide that they can not handle anymore, that is their decision! (but as a side note, I love having brothers.)  

Answer 10

I am an only child and I hate it! When I was younger I got really lonely. Now that I am older and my parents are also older with various health problems, I am the only one around who can take care of them and it gets pretty overwhelming, I'm glad to do it, but it would be nice to have a sibling or two around to help me out. I will definitely be having more than one child, at least 3 children most likely more.  

Answer 11

I don't think it matters.

I have a brother and he is the best.  

Answer 12

You should decide yourself if you can handle another child if you have to ask this question you might not be ready. My parents had only me and they both did a horrible job raising me ive been on my own since i was 16 so if they made anymore they wouldnt be rite but me I think its better to grow up with siblings they are friends for life through blood and they learn so much from eachother and it gives them somone else to go to help besides mom n dad

Answer 13

I think that having siblings is great! I actually don't know that much about sisters, but I have a brother who is 5 years older than me and  I really look up to him. I have to admit that sometimes he was a pain to have around, but most of the time it was great to have him there. Sometimes with only one child, parents tend to spoil them a little too much. The child may not learn the significance of sharing with others as they grow up.  

Answer 14

It's not that it's not "fair". I do think that they are happier and learn so much more about sharing. My daughter who's 7 and the neighbor girl are best friends. We have another daughter who's 4 1/2. We'll the neighbor girl is terrible at sharing and you can really tell that she's an only child. She pouts if she doesnt get her own way. My daughter is always telling me that she is trying to teach her friend how to share. Another really important thing is the death factor. What happens when mom & dad pass away... well, my kids will have each other for support. I'm raising them to be bestfriends. I tell them everyday that they are bestfriends. They now believe it. I want them to have each other when they are adults. Besides they'll need someone to talk to about how crazy their parents are when they are adults. My hubby and I used to say that it didn't matter if we had another child. The second one was a surprise. But I'm so glad we had her. She's so different than the first one and they both really do have each other to play with, when it's just them around.

Answer 15

i'm an only child and i kind of wish i had a sibling (i'm currently 17)... i think its better to have more than one because even if they bicker when they're younger i think they'll appreciate each other later in life. the older i get, the more i wish i had a sibling to just talk to and grow up with. so i'd say 2 or 3 kids is a good number

Answer 16

Well in my opinion they should have a sibling because as they grow up they're most likely want someone to play with...and it's beneficial towards you because later on in like the older child will be able to take care of the younger one when you're not available =)

Answer 17

I wouldn't have another just because you think it is right for the child you already have.  

My biological children are 20 years apart in age, (the youngest is 11 and the oldest is 32, I also have a 23 year old step son who lived with us from 13 on).  The problem with only children is that they don't seem to learn the coping skills that children with siblings learn.  Like being picked on.  My two have had a lot of problems in that area.  Whereas myself, I had an older brother so I learned how to cope with being picked on.  It gave me a pretty thick skin and took a lot to get me upset.  

Answer 18

when I was younger I hated having sister but now I love having them there whenever I need someone to talk to that I trust or whenever I need help ...  

Answer 19

well it kinda depends on how you raise your child as much as whether or not you have more, part of having a sibling is it teaches the child how to interact with others. if your child seems to not react well to other children get them involved in group activities like gymnastics and things like that so they are around other kids more often. honestly i dont think having siblings has much to do with how adjusted your kids are because i have both a brother and a sister and it was the differences in how we were treated that created the greatest differences in how well we adjusted. from 5 years old i was expected to get myself ready for kindergarten because mom had to help my 4 year old little brother get dressed for headstart(we started the same year). he was just as capable as i was but he was helped until he was 7 or 8 while i was always expected to take care of myself and my younger siblings. whereas now, my brother who is now 20 is incapable of taking care of his self while i'm fully independant of everyone. my sister on the other hand was always allowed to get away with whatever she wanted because she would cry and say how unfair everything was till she got her way, and now as a 18 year old she is in more trouble than is imaginable. so its not whether they have siblings its how you treat them based on thier birthorder and how consistant you are with rules where i had a clear set of rules and responsiblities as the oldest my siblings were more babied, and thus the differences in the ability to handle and adapt to everyday life, not sure if these examples helped but i think it shows what i mean better than me trying to explain it.

Answer 20

I don't feel they are better adjusted but in my experience only children are more self centered and "me" oriented since they do not have to compete for attention from their parents.  

Answer 21

As with all questions like this, it will depend on so many things...as a parent, I'm sure you will get that feeling of knowing that you either need to keep going, or that your family is complete. What does your gut say? A child will adapt either way.

I think having siblings around makes you more resilient. You learn that you have to share, you don't always get your way, you don't always get to be the center of attention. You learn how to socialize in a peer group. And you have to compete earlier. You also learn teamwork.

However there are social advantages to being an only as well. If there are any problems, such as a disability, you get more attention. Only's tend to be more comfortable around adults. They are also more independent because they learn to entertain themselves. And if money is tight, you have a better chance of getting what you need and want.

But it depends on the parents, how attentive they are to their children, how much money there is in the household, how hands on they are, as well as what the parents do to either make their many children feel special as an individual, and what they do to help their only child find same age friends.

The major difference is up to school age where kids are mostly at home, although they could be in daycare too. But unless a child is homeschooled, at school age, every child including only's, is going to learn what it's like to be in a group. I suppose adjusting to school is harder for only's.

Answer 22

You know the saying: the grass is greener on the other side?  Kids think that way too.  My daughter always wanted a sibling and when she was 9 she got one.  A couple months later, she changed her mind :)

There are benefits to both sides.  The thing with only having one is to give them many chances for socialization and maybe not to spoil them beyond reason.  With more than one, you will notice a comrodary at times but also a lot of sibling rivary, which is all very normal and healthy.  

I was very happy with just my daughter and had no plans of adding more.  i was worried that I would leave one of them out and that one may feel like I love them less than the others (I have 6 siblings so I know all about that) but when my second was born that fear went away.  We decided to have a third so that our son would have a sibling close to his age since my daughter is 9 years older than him.

No matter what you decide, there will always be someone who disagrees and some may be very vocal about their stance, but you need to do what you feel is best for your family.  Good Luck with your decision

Answer 23

I am an only child and I am really ok with it.  I don't remember ever wanting a sibling as a child.  I had friends that I played with every day and had my parents attention.  I think a lot of "only child" myths really have to do with parenting styles.  If you spoil your child then they will act a certain way.  I am now an independent well adjusted adult.  I know people who were very spoiled by their parents (they had siblings) and they seem to have to goals in life.

The number of children people have is their choice, and everyone is different.  But I don't think it is unfair to your child to not have more children.  Everyone can adjust.

Answer 24

If you can afford to, adopt another.  That would be REALLY "fair"!

Answer 25

i prefer a sibling because i would get lonely without my sis or bro around

atleast 2 kids for a parnt is pretty fair

Answer 26

if your an only child sometimes you will wish you had a brother. if you have siblings some times you will wish you didn't.