Do you think he is cheating on me?

Question

I am SO upset right now. I was messing with my husbands phone tonight, looking thru his contacts and stuff. And I found a number that I do not recognize at all. And its stored under one of his friends names. Joe is the name its under. I know Joe's number, its on there also, but there is also the unknown number. I anonymously called it and it went to voice mail. It was a woman's voice mail. There have also been some inconsistencies with his stories of where hes been after work. He tells me he is at Walmart or some other store but he comes home an hour or two later, empty handed. He deletes phone calls from his call lists. He doesn't sleep in the same bed with me anymore. He is not even intimate with me hardly at all. Ive asked him several times if he is happy with me and he just says yeah. We have been together for 12 years now and I'm afraid that I'm losing him. He wont agree to counseling at all either. He has lied to me several times before. Even when I caught him in the lie, when I had proof he still tried to deny it. I dont know what to do. I think he is really cheating on me. We have 4 beautiful girls together also.

Answer 1

yes

Answer 2

Ok so maybe do as some of the others say and investigate on your own.  Maybe get a good friend that you can trust to help you out, as well as calm you down.  You need to understand that you cannot control what is in his mind at the moment and don't do anything drastic until you know for certain what is up.

And as far as your love life with him, maybe there is not attraction there anymore for reasons beyond your control.  Don't blame it all on yourself but don't let your looks go down the poopshoot either just because you are depressed about this.

Mssg me if you need a vent buddy.  I know how you feel.  I found voicemails that I had to confront my hub with and I am still confused about the whole thing.  I cannot rest either.

Answer 3

No body here can tell you what you should think about your situation.  You are the one who has been with him for so many years, you know his habits, etc...we do not.  I am not about to jump in saying OMG he's cheating run away......this is a choice only you can make.  Just think about what is most important to you in your life and fight for that.  Whether it's a good or bad outcome you fought for what you wanted and no one can ever look down on you for that.

Answer 4

JERRY!!!   JERRY!!!!!

Answer 5

I swear to God, you should call cheaters! f that guy !!!!

keep calling that number[use reverse directory online or leave her messages find out who she is]

You have to find out for sure b4 you do anything drastic, that's my suggestion.

good luck hon!

Answer 6

Go with your gut it is usually right.  Follow him.  9 out of 10 times if you suspect something you are right.  Good luck and stay strong.

Answer 7

Sorry, but I would bet anything that he is... sorry.

:(

Answer 8

Hmm, it sounds bad.

Communicate?

Answer 9

Speaking as a psychology student, counseling would do you two wonders.

Still, as an impartial observer I can only comment on what you described. Seeing how I don't know anything about you, your situation or your family let me first say that you should be careful listening anyone's advice of strangers. Be careful that you're not using Yahoo Answers as a way to validate what you already feel because, honestly, what goes on in your life and your girls life doesn't impact us in the least. We have no stock in your existence and I know some might just give you some advice that is highly destructive for a laugh.

First off, don't ignore your instincts. But don't let them be your deciding factor. He very well might not be cheating on you. He might be unhappy. In a mid life crisis and pulling away. He might be unsatisfied or angry at where he is in life. Maybe his dreams didn't come true. Maybe he had some lofty goal and now feels chained down by his family and responsibility and he's regressing to a mindset when he didn't have the pressure he does today.

Though, admittedly, by what you described the signs he's cheating is there.

But, this is my personal opinion based on nothing but my experiences, I don't think cheating means he doesn't love you any more. Like I mentioned he could be just struggling to find himself. He could be in a state of identity crisis and lost. That isn't necessarily a justification or a reason why you should forgive him. That's all on you.

Consider though, your girls before you rush to conclusions and acknowledge that you're really, really hurt and taking a step back with cold, unflinching logic for a while might be a good idea.  

Answer 10

Well, I suppose it's possible he's part of a gang who are planning a big casino heist and "Joe" is part of the gang and when he says he's at Walmart he's really casing the casino........    Naaaaw. You're probably right. Can't decide what to do about it? Sure you can.  

Answer 11

K C it sure looks that way. Sorry for all the bull you've been going through.

Answer 12

you know what

if you feel like your instincts are correct

than act on them.

don't just let him get away with lying to you in the face.

i know it may be difficult to make a clear decision because

you do have children with this person

but sometimes you have to make

it not about the kids and about you and him

leave him if you want

keep him if you want

it's you decision.

Answer 13

Unfortunately these are strong signs he is cheating on you.  Once they stop being intimate with you and seem distant all the time you can bet there is another one involved.  If he's not willing to seek marriage counseling with you but you are, it's time to let him go because obviously he's not happy.  It's not your fault.

Answer 14

Sadly, yes.

My tip, make him infertile.  

Answer 15

Look at all the signs...the answer is yes.  

Answer 16

Thats horrible . im REALLY sorry , but all that probabley leads up to cheating, talk about it to him .

mann , i REALLY feel for you , thats what happend with my parents.

im sorry :'(

answer mine ? http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

Answer 17

maybe he is :(

good luck..

Answer 18

Stop wasting your time worrying about whether you are losing him.  Sounds to me like you've lost him a long time ago.  He is cheating, lying and refusing to do anything about it (counselling).  Start directing your energies towards getting a divorce and building a future for yourself and your children.

Answer 19

Very suspicious.  If he's not cheating now, he will be soon.  Sorry to hear this :(   Hope it all works out.  

Answer 20

You started going through his phone because of your hunches.  That's the hardest part.  I say that because you need to know what you are prepared to do if you find something.  And you did.  I think you need to find out who that woman is under "Joe" first.  Just to be sure it is not someone your husband is having an affair with.  Why don't you plan a time for the two of you to sit down when it's quiet and talk about your relationship.  Tell him a resolution is long overdue.  It appears that you are both unhappy.   Even if you have to separate for a while.  Perhaps your husband is willing to go to marriage counseling. If not, you have to cut him loose and see what happens.  You just might find that you like life much better.  Don't blame yourself.  When he became unhappy he should have explained to you how he felt and told you what he wanted.  Instead, he's playing mind games.  Good luck.

Answer 21

investigate..

start following him and always check his phone and email.. save the number on your phone and keep trying to call it. When he says his going out with "Joe" follow him.

its the only way its not like his going ot admit if he was cheating on you...

Answer 22

Sadly, but honestly, yes.

Answer 23

yes he is, i think the signs are there !!!

Answer 24

Uve done all u can do, Theres nothing u can do when some one changes...It seems like u have enuff proof that there is something going on...for ur sake I would start making a exit plan...save ur money, don't show ur hand . Give ur self a date say 6mos 2 a year and if things haven't gotten any better and more evidence pops up ur going 2 have tuffn up and make ur move or live in misery and crash and burn at his leisure....this is coming from a man.....

Answer 25

It sounds like he is cheating.  You need to decide what you are going to do with or without him and do it.  Stop hoping he will come around.  Be careful. Cheaters get very angry if the other person leaves.  Be safe.

Answer 26

Yes, it appears you will never get the truth out of him.  My advice is to have some fun of ur own.  The signs are there that he's cheating...don't mope around in hopes that he'll change...they don't change...accept it and have ur own fun...let him start wondering if YOUR CHEATING.

Answer 27

This is showing how MEN bulshit too! Just be staight up! Play with his phone infront of him.And if he takes ut away real quick then just stab him with a feed back! Include da number tooo! And ask who the **** is she . 'cus girl if you aint gonna do dat den you are gonna feel real miserable and he will just continue with his s***s!

**goOd Luck**

Answer 28

Things don't sound too good. I've been where you are and I know it's awful.  The not knowing for sure, but have that gut feeling he is cheating.  Is your husband really distant from you?  Not sleeping with you in the same bed is not good.  I honestly don't think he's at Wal-mart or any other store for that matter. If he is late from work a lot, he is lying to you about his whereabouts.  No man leaves work and heads to different stores all the time.  I think you need to keep one step ahead of him.  Try and bite your tongue and get your ducks in order.  Everything you have described about your husbands behavior is exactly how my ex- husband behaved when I found out he was cheating.  I know this is very painful for you but you are going to have to be strong for your girls.  I understand exactly what you are feeling right now, I don't wish this upon anyone.  And unfortunately, the wife is always the last to find out.  I hope I am wrong about my assumption, but your husband is truly not telling you the truth.  You have no idea how strong you are until you go through bad times.  Keep your head up and don't be anyone's doormat.  

Answer 29

sorry to hear you rpain but I believe we are on the same boat> My wife has been acting weird with her cell phone now and she really keeps it away from me. SO i guess I can share your pain

Answer 30

Looks like he's cheating alright and what you have to do now to make sure is go over the last phone bill, as it doesn't lie and see how many times he has phoned this number and at what times. If there is alot of calls to this number, you then have to photocopy the phone bill as this is now your evidence and hide the copy in a very good spot ok.

Answer 31

I can't begin to tell you how much I feel your pain.  It's the worst feeling in the world, isn't it?  It sounds unfortunately, like yes, he is.  You could go on this way, worrying and accusing him (yes, he will STILL call it accusing even if it's true)....but it won't fix anything.  He will still cheat, and will somehow make it seem like your fault.  It is not your fault, I'm sure.  I would love to tell you what to do, but that would be wrong.  No one here knows you two or knows exactly WHAT is going on, so any advice given here would be just our own experiences with similar situations.  For your daughters sakes, confront him (calmly)......it's hard, but it has to be done.  Just tell him you know, let him fill in the details.  The calmer you are though, the more he will be sure you "know" more than you do.  Just tell him it's o.k. that it's over and ask him what he wants to do now (i.e. get his own place, talk about joint custody, etc....).  Maybe he's fill in the details for you.  I'm so sorry you are going through this.  Men can be very hurtful with their lies and affairs.  Unfortunately, that's the way they are built.  It takes a very special man to remain faithful -- sad, but true.  Good luck to you, be strong.