Do you think humiliation is sometimes a necessary part of discipline?

Question

I was at a family event last night with my daughter.. two of my sisters were there with their children too, and the kids were all playing and my sister Jennifer's daughter who is 10 was behaving really badly, and my sister warned her that she was going to be punished if it continued.

Well, one of the kids came and told us that she was picking on her younger cousin who has aspergers syndrome, and all the kids in the family understand about aspergers syndrome so there is absolutely no excuse in the world for her to do this.

Well, Jennifer went and got her, and told her in front of everyone that she was going to be given a spanking, took her into one of the bedrooms upstairs and spanked her. Everyone downstairs heard everything, and when it was over they immediately came back down, my niece was sobbing and clearly very humiliated, but she behaved herself like the sweet girl she normally is for the rest of the evening.

My other sister was really upset with Jenn and basically threw a fit about how it was damaging to her self esteem, etc but I think a little humiliation was exactly what she needed. I mean, what use is self esteem if you can't function in society?

Answer 1

yes

Answer 2

some parents when angry call there kids there full names - my mother called my sister by her first 2 initials BJ - so my sister was the bl*w j*b kid and that is the most basic and obvious humiliation method my mother used.

what you described was punishment and not caring who heard- humiliation would have been a pants down spanking in front of everyone(something i have witnessed in a supermarket).

Answer 3

My parents used humiliation as a punishment technique- spankings, etc... I turned out just fine with no damage to my self-esteem. However, having experienced it first hand I know how hurtful it was and how awful I would feel sometimes. This is why I don't plan on doing this to my children unless absolutely necessary. I think making fun of someone with a disorder definitely warrants a huge punishment. I would be shocked at my child and I would let them know just how disappointed I was.

Answer 4

Personally I am not a fan of any degrading or nasty forms of child raising. I believe people should concentrate more on rewarding good behaviour rather than punishing bad behaviour as this is alot better for self esteem. That's just my opnion.  

Answer 5

yes...cause who likes to be humiliated?

Answer 6

I agree with it is humiliating to be spanked!!  She should have handled the situation differently because she looked like a mother that can't handle her child and must resort to hitting to control her child bad mom she is

Answer 7

I dont think it's necessary if you teach your kids from the beggining how to behave. Children are a product of their enviornment. If you are lax on your kids at home and don't punish them very often, then you shouldnt expect for them to behave any differently in public.

So no, I dont believe in public humiliation as a punishment. I feel its actually kind of cruel and makes the child feel worse than they already do when scolded the first time.

Answer 8

I tend to agree with you. I'm a results biased parent, if it worked, then seems to me your other sister needs to mind her own business. Spanking has worked for generations, and it wasn't until the "self esteem" movement came about that the behavior of average children started declining.

Answer 9

I personally do not like it. My parents, well mostly my mom use to humiliate me in public and it caused me to have a lot of anger towards her and plenty of mistrust.  Children do need discipline but it needs to be done out of love for the child... making a fool out of them infront of people  doesn't show your child much respect.  

Answer 10

I would not purposely use "humiliation" as a method of punishment because I think that neither adults nor children benefit from being humiliated. But your sister Jennifer still did the right thing in spanking her daughter right then and there. If the girl's misbehavior called for a spanking (which I think it did) it was sufficient to take her to another room to protect her dignity. No need to hide from the rest of the family the fact that she was punished. And the fact that she behaved well afterwards indicates that your sister handled the situation very well. The girl's self-esteem will certainly survive this incident, and she may have learned a valuable lesson.

Answer 11

Sometimes humiliation is necessary, but 10 is waaay too old to be spanked. A better alternative would have been to make her apologize, publicly, to the other child for hurting them. Also to the adults for being such a pain as to take time out of their evening.  

Answer 12

it is necessary, but it's better to break down a child mentally rather than hitting them. For example, you should have made jenn wear a sign that said she was, in fact, the retarded one for making fun of those with disabilites. If everyone at the party laughed at her it would have damaged her psyche even more and taught her to know her place amongst the little ones.

Answer 13

I don't see how u can humiliate your own child, someone you LOVE, spanking is one thing and THEY ARE NEVER TOO OLD FOR A SMACK, as long as it is just that but to publicly humiliate ur own child is just pathetic and sick, they call themselves parents but they are willing scar they're kids for life, how would u feel, if your mum and dad the ppl u depend on to live and love you would do this, wot would a complete stranger do.

so in closing i think it is WRONG AND SICK.  

Answer 14

Discipline should be a private experience between the parent and child. How would you like it if your boss used humiliation on you when you didn't perform up to his standards? Would you tell your boss off in front of everyone if you disagreed with him? No, because you wouldn't have a job after that.

Children are people and have feelings the same as adults. They deserve respect and consideration just as you would give an adult. You should have taken her away  from everyone and administered the spanking if you really felt that was the best way to deal with her.

This is for Nuke who stated she should have been told she was the retarded one. Aspergers is not mental retardation. Children with aspergers are actually called "little professors" because the can be so literal. They often have high IQs but learn a bit differently. Different doesn't mean retarded. It means different. Not everyone learns the same way but they are just as intelligent. Famous people with enough aspergers traits that they probably would have been diagnosed with it. Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Napolean, Benjamin Franklin and several of our US presidents. No one can call those men retarded.

Answer 15

No I don't think it is. I doubt I will humiliate my child as punishment, I would rather punish her physically ( a smack) then emotionally.