Do you think i am a good writer?

Question

her is a short story i wrote:

story #2: Kaitlynn's Party

The day of Kaitlynns party... Allyssa has been looking forward to this day for a while. She gets up and readies herself for those 42 hours of planned fun. Allyssa gets there and enjoys herself. 3 hours and 55 muinutes into the party, Kaitlynn looks at allyssa and allyssa knows its time. she goes over to her boyfriend andrew and looks him in the eyes. he stares back and a tear runs down her cheek.

"whats wrong", he asks her.

"Nothing", she says.... "ok". Another tear runs down her cheek and onto the ground. He rubs his thumb across her cheek wiping off the oncoming tear. She takes his arm and pushes it away.

"No", she says. "don't". The whole party goes silent, everyone stares, the tention rises.

Andrew is confused. "what is going on" he asks.

"andrew...", allyssa comes right out and says.

.... she then looks around at all the staring faces.

and she takes him inside the house for privacy.

Five minutes later andrew comes out with a strait unfased face, says bye to everyone then opens up the door to Kaitlynns courtyard and closes it behind him. In the very next moment Allyssa comes out. Unfased aswell, but looking a little more puzzled.

"how did he take it", kaitlynn asks. Allyssa just looks at her and walks over to sit down, Kaitlynn follows.

Allyssa looks at her and says"suprizingly, very well"

"Then why did he just walk out" Kaitlynn asks.

Allyssa admits "i didn't tell him."

Kaitlynns jaw drops to the ground.

to be continued~

Answer 1

I think that you could be an excellent writer. You use a lot of details and the story is interesting. But your telling people what it's about rather than letting us read it. For example the last few lines you could do something like;

"How sis he take it?" asked Kaitlynn nervously. Alyssa just looked at her and began to walk away. Noticing an area of empty chairs,she beckoneded  Kaitlynn over to her and sat down.

    Alyssa looked at her and said, Surprisingly, very well"

   "Then why did he just walk out?" Kaitlynn asked pointedly.

    Alyssa bit her lip, then admitted, "I didn't tell him." Her heart seemed to fall as she watched Kaitlynn's jaw drop to the ground.

Just a suggestion. Good luck with your writing!

Answer 2

Keep,

You have a few problems with a bit of everything here. No caps for proper names, no question marks for questions in dialogue. Your story at first sounds like a manual rather than a fictional account.

The day of Kaitlynns party

Allyssa has been looking forward to a certain party for a long time now. She gets up and readies herself for those forty-two hours of planned fun. At last when she arrives, she in fact enjoys herself more than ever.

After three hours and fifty-five minurtes, Kaitlynn looks at Allyssa and Allyssa realizes it's time. Walkiing over to her boyfriend, Andrew, she looks him straight in the eye, while he stares back, looking at a lonely tear running down her cheek.

"Whats wrong?" he asks.

"Nothing", she says at first. "Okay?" Another tear runs down her cheek and onto the floor. He rubs his thumb across her cheek wiping off the next one. She quickly brushes his arm away.

"No! Don't!" She says. The whole party goes silent as everyone stares at the scene before them.

Andrew shakes his head with confusion. "What is going on?" he asks.

Done....

Be careful of the 'its and it's, too.' A cat licks its whiskers, but a cat also knows it's time for dinner.

This was a tough one for me because I'm far from a teenager, Keep. But you can see my meaning with what I did here. The best thing for you to do is read a bit more on dialogue. Learn from the masters on how they go about their craft.

I admire anyone who writes and asks for help. Don't be put off by my critique here. It's meant to help and not nit-pick. In a way it sort of sounds like a script.

Good luck on your story.

PJ M

Answer 3

Yeah! Just keep it up! Keep writing stories and have faith in yourself! I liked it! Especially the surprise ending! :)

let me know what happens!