Do you think i have grown up in a bad family?

Question

when i tell people they think that i have had the worst childhood, but really it was only the first few years of my life that were bad, then i went to live with my aunt, uncle and two older cousins.

ok my mum and my dad had me when she was 16 and he was 19, then 2 years later they had my twin sisters.

for as long as i can remember my mum and dad alsways used to fight, like verbally and physically i remember my cousin who is older than me, had to come over one day and put me and my sisters in my room and turn the music up really loud so we couldnt hear them.

then when i was four my father commited suicide, i was a real daddys girl and this hurt me a lot and also it confused me being so young, i didnt know hy he would do that and why he would leave me and my sisters.

then my mum started to abuse my sisters and i, she would lock us in a room for like 2 days at a time so she could go out and gamble, and take drugs and stuff, and she never cared about us. my grandparents found out and called DOCS and DOCS came and took us away from my mum and my aunty and uncle said that they would be happy to take us in, well this was such a better life, i was 6 at the time and my sisters were 4. we have lived there since (i am now 14 and they are 11 almost 12).

about 6 months ago i found out that my mum is in jail for prostitution and drugs, and we have a restraining order against her.

do you think this could affect the person i am today?

because i am very depressed "emo" and "Scene" or whatever else you want to label me as, i have tried to kill myself by jumping infront of a car...it didnt work.

what else can i do, because i dont want me or my sisters to end up like my mum or dad?

Answer 1

darl you have to realise that you are not your parents. the way you grew up may have an effect on the formings of your morals and things. but to avoid the sort of life you want to avoid..snap out of your emo depressed thing. harder said than done, and probably one of the most important..get an education. aspire to go to uni. people will say awe you dont need uni, but in todays economy, you will need a degree to get a job and career to give yourself a better life where you can afford things and afford to live. uni will teach you responsibility and discipline, it will give you the opportunity to be independant and not fall into the same trap many other young'uns do. i'm so happy i went to uni, i would still be getting drunk every weekend if i hadnt.

you wont be like your parents if you dont want to. its up to you, no one will hold your hand all your life, your life is your choice, you want to struggle all your life then have children before 20. Nowdays its simply not economic to have children unless your ready,  my ultimate advice to go to uni and make something of yourself and forget the past. it will never come back if you dont want it to.

Answer 2

Are you for real? I think it's highly unlikely for a girl like you to hav gone such miserable life. You can't change the past or predict the future. Pray like anything to God, convert to Islam, as thats the only way to peace and harmony. read the holy book Quran, which can give stress-free life and the ticket to heaven. =D*

Answer 3

Having struggled with difficult beginnings myself I certainly empathize with what you are going through. I know how it is to wonder how much my crappy childhood had screwed me up. I also struggled with some depression in my teen years, mostly because I did not know how else to deal with the darkness that was my childhood.

I wish I could say that I have clear answers for you. It would be nice to be able to issue you a clear path to success and happiness for your future. Since I can't give you that absolution, please let me share with you what I can.

First, know that you can overcome all of this, because I have, and others have. This does not have to break your spirit, but you will have to be constantly vigilant and honest with yourself about your motivations and your actions. This does not have to define who you are, but it will if you let it. You have the power to become the miracle who survived with her heart and spirit intact, you simply have to decide that is what you want and then do what you need to in order to be true to yourself.

Healing will not happen overnight. You will have to learn what is broken the hard way, but you must decide now to fix whatever broken pieces you find. For example, you will likely find you have abandonment issues, this may make it tough to find a healthy relationship. It is okay if you have a few bad relationships, just try to learn from each of them.

You have every right to a happy future. You have the ability to overcome anything you decide to. You are your own best therapist.

That being said...I recommend you try the following things...

1. Start seeing your school counselor regularly - don't tell your friends at school, let it just be for you. Ambush your counselor some time at school. Tell them you want to start meeting with them once a week, just to talk. The goal is simply for you to have someone to let go with. You won't be looking for sympathy or solutions, just someone who you can talk to safely. Tell the counselor all of this before you sit down for your first talk. If you do want advice you can ask for it, but what you really need is someone to let it all out to. Sometimes we have to talk about these things a lot before we can put the proper perspective on them.

I think you should also start journaling. You don't have to do it every day, and I'm not talking Dear Diary c**p either. Just whenever you need to put your thoughts in order or you feel distressed pick up a pen and your current spiral notebook and write whatever comes to mind. It can be about you or it can be a random story, whatever, maybe your thoughts on life the universe and everything, whatever lets you express yourself. You will be surprised at what you uncover when you just let go and start writing.

Last, read. Read all you can, about everything you can, from every time period and every genre. Read the new age stuff, and read the self help stuff, and read the fictional stuff, and read the biographies and the survival stories. Read anything and everything that interests you even a little bit.

Why?

Well, I think the talking and the writing are pretty self-explanatory. The reading is both for escape and perspective. When reality has a lot of hard truths and a lot of tough memories there are few things as beautiful as the complete escape of a good story. When you've been through the kind of pain that you know, escape is sometimes necessary, best to learn now healthy ways to accomplish it. Because as you get older some very unhealthy methods of escape will make themselves apparent. Be strong, take care of yourself, be your own best advocate. If you need to escape, pick a good book.

I also mentioned it was for perspective. What you have been through is truly tragic, and I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm proud of you that you seem to be doing as well as you are, and I'm really proud of you that you seem to feel like your sisters' well being is also your responsibility. As terrible as your experience has been, it sounds like you have a lot to be grateful for also. You and your sisters are together and with safe family that love and care for you. You could very well have ended up in foster care were it not for the selfless act of your current family.

The truth is, even if your story were ten times as tragic as it is, there would be another story, someone else's story, that was 100 times as tragic. Reading a lot will help you put human suffering in perspective. It won't necessarily make you feel better about your experience, but it may help you see where your experience ranks in the range of suckiness.

Don't hurt yourself or kill yourself. You deserve better than that, don't let yourself down that way. You need to start thinking of yourself as your own best friend. When you want to do something you know is stupid, ask yourself if you would recommend the action to a close friend or your sisters. Please take care of yourself. You are a beautiful and unique individual and you have  

Answer 4

Yes that was a sad early child hood for little girls to have however I doubt you will turn up that way just stay in school stay away from drugs and alcohol and always remember how you are your own destiny only you can make yourself how you want to be and nobody else can do that for you.I hope your lives continue to get better,trust me I know how it feels been through simular experiance I am now a mom to two girl ages 4 yrs and a 20 month old.I went on to college and work full time my girls are happy and healthy and I dont hit them so understand you dont pay for what your parents did.

Answer 5

i'm sorry to hear about your story but as i read it you are strong young girl.. You will end having a nice life someday believe me.. Someday you will achieve things you are worthy to have.. i have a song for you : sang by Lea Salonga

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYYF-emVf...

Journey by Lea Salonga

Half the world is sleeping

Half the worlds awake

Half can hear their hearts beat

Half just hear them break

I am but a travler

Been most everywhere

Ask me what you want to know

Chorus:

What a journey it has been

And the end is not in sight

But the stars are out tonight

And theyre bound to guide my way

When theyre shining on my life

I can see your better day

I wont let the darkness in

What a journey it has been

I have been to sorrow

I have been to bliss

Where Ill be tomorrow

I can only guess

Through the darkest desert

Through the deepest snow

Foward, always foward I go

(repeat chorus)

Bridge:

Foward, always foward

Onward, always up

Catching every drop of hope

In my empty cup

(repeat chorus)

What a journey it has been

Answer 6

I don't think you will end up like that. My husband didn't end up like his dad, and his dad is a good for nothing bum:

My husband was born when his parents were both 19. His older brother was born when they were 16. Both his parents were on cocaine for a while, but they came clean eventually. They moved from town to town while his dad found work. He used to beat them. He would beat my huz's mom, and he threw my huz out of a 3 story window in a fit of rage, breaking both his arms. When my husband was 5, he was flying in his dad's cessna and his dad tried to commit suicide by crashing it into a building (WITH both his sons inside the plane with him!). the crash failed bc the older brother grabbed the plane and pulled it out of a dive. They lived in trailor parks, sinking houses, etc. My husband's dad taught them gun safety by shooting watermelons and telling them that would be their head if they disobeyed.

When my huz was 8 his dad ran off to Florida and started living with a prostitute. My mother in law got a divorce, and moved back in with her dad, who is an alcoholic. My huz was a druggie in high school, but is now very successful in the military. My brother in law is a paranoid schitzo and a lazy butt, the grandpa is still an alcoholic. And their father is now in prison for beating his second wife to death.

His experiences have inflluenced him in his life for sure, but not badly. Sometimes when he gets frustrated he throws things at the wall or yells and balls his fists, but he has never hit me ever and he is NOTHING like his dad at all.

I think your "emo/scene" personality is only slightly related to your childhood. You lived with your aunt and uncle longer than you lived with your parents, so your parents had a menial influence on your life, probably not enough to be the cause of your emoness.

Mental illness could run in your family though.

P.S. never kill yourself, especially not by jumping in front of a car. Think of the poor driver who will live with that guilt forever.

I think you need to find someone you can talk to, someone you can really trust. Tell them EVERYTHING, pour your heart out to them. Keep a journal everynight about how you are feeling. Think positively and if you live for no other reason, live for your sisters.

Since you are only 14, I strongly believe you will grow out of it when you get older. You are at a critical point, the bizzare teenage years, and depression is almost the norm for teenage life. It WILL get better.  

Answer 7

It is a sad start, but it was so early in your life. You are old enough to realize that your first 6 years of life do not define who you are now. Your "label" is not based on what happened then, it is based on your decisions now.

Now as far as the trying to kill yourself, that may be rooted in your past and the abuse, but you should seek counseling. Call your pediatrician and tell him or her that you have already tried to kill yourself, and they will immediately get you a referral to someone who can help you sort out the issues of your past and your depression now. Take care.

Edit: Clinical depression is not something you just grow out of. That is a common misconception that parents, teachers, close family may have that has lead to many young deaths and suicides. And yes, biologically it could have passed down from your mother and father. Get help please.

Answer 8

My three cousins were neglected and abused by their mother when they were young, so they came to live with me at the ages 6(twins) and 8. I can understand to a certain extent what you are going through because I've seen how hard their lives where before my mother took them in. They were starved, beaten, sexually abused, you name it. Their mother also prostituted herself. Being through all of this shouldn't affect the person you are today in a negative way, it should however make you a stronger person from going through the hard times.

You need to be a role model to your sisters and help each other through. It will get better if you want it to.

I'm sure you are an amazing person.

Please don't go down the same path as your parents, you are so much better than that and your sisters need you.

Answer 9

that kinda sucked but eveyone life has its ups and downs im sorry about your father but you mom, she is bad but she could be worst my husband's couldnt keep her habits to her self she got both of her sons adicted to crack cocain when they were 14 and my bro in law is still gone i dont even know if he is alive.and she is in jail it took my husband 5 yrs to get off it and its torn his chid hood up

Answer 10

Look forward to the future.  God does what he does for reasons we will never understand.  I can understand your pain and hope that you can get some help for it.  Search for yourself and strive to move on.  Life does us all wrong at some point and for you most of it is over.  As a teenager, it's the hardest because you're not only discovering who you are, but your hormones are running rampid, on top of which you are dealing with facts of life that no child should have to close to the age that your parents were when they had you.  You have to be strong for your little sisters and show them that they can make a better life too.

When I was a child, my parents yelled and fought physically too.  I was beaten, physically abused, mentally and emotionally abused.  My father did bizzare things after drinking and using heroin and coke.  He's gone as far as telling me I'm not his daughter, that he hates me and he's also held a shotgun to my head.  My mother chooses other men over her children.

My father died on Monday of this week because of hepatitis C that he contracted from using and sharing needles with his drug use.  We were estranged the last 7 years he was married to his 3rd wife and made a new life.  

My point is, is that you have life and you have it for a reason.  Your attempt to take your life failed because you're not meant to die yet.  You have a whole life ahead of you to change what your parents did and be a better person.  When you are an adult it's your life and the choices you make affect you, even now they do.  It's time to see that you cradle your future of your life in your hands and EVERYTHING you do will affect it.  When you are older (sooner or later) you will see what they did wrong and how you can fix that for yourself and the future you have.  Some day you will marry or have a partener and even have babies.  Life goes on and the sooner you let go of the pain and hurt you feels defines you and learn from it, the sooner you will be happy and live a happier life.  You have family that loves you and cares about you, don't lose that.  You're lucky to have that.  My extended family just watched and told me it was my fault.  It took seven years of therapy and 3 years of parenting classes to get over those things and to learn that it's not my fault, the same that what happened is not your fault.  It's just something that happened and you're the part of the family that has to learn and deal with it, unfortunetly at a young age.

Be who you have to be to be happy and never let someone tell you any different.  You are unique and special and no one could ever be you or replace you.  God doesn't make mistakes, people do.