Do you think i should have said something to his family??

Question

man my birthing experience felt like a hectic jungle i had 4 ppl in the room while i gave birth i only wanted 3 but i let the other person b/c i didnt want to seem like a bit** so i let her like 3 minuts after i delivered everyone came busting in my room they even tried to hold my baby before me i was in pain getting stiched up from my epiziatomy and they were still comming in! it was all my husbands family doing it. they waited in my room the whole time i was in labor and didnt leave untill like 5 minusts before i started pushing why didnt they wait in the waitinig room instead of sitting in there while i am in aggonizing pain i didnt have an epidoral and i didnt want to seem rude so i didnt say anything isnt this all s***w up next time it will be different

Answer 1

Many will say that you should have said something to your husband so that HE will say something, but I know from experience that it does not always work like that. I had my mother, my boyfriend and his mother in the room (i felt it was unfair to have my mom and not his just because she wil never experience it without a daughter- she has two sons and the other son's fiance already said she cannot be in the room, plus I am close with his mother). But I had my entire family and his entire family in the waiting room. Now I cant say I know how you feel about having them with you all the time but I know exactly how you feel about them trying to hold the baby before you. It took them 30 minutes to stitch me up (in the meantime no one was allowed in).  After that I was SO EXHAUSTED and my stomach hurt so bad that I could not take the weight of the baby on my tummy. So I had my boyfriend give the baby a bottle (I had been extremely sick during labor so I decided to breastfeed the baby after the first feeding, I honestly could not do it the first time, plus everyone was waiting to see him). While my boyfriend was giving the bottle, his family and my family came in in pairs of two all nice and congratulatory. So i thought everything went well until his entire family there complained to me that they waited 12 hours to not get to hold the baby and that it wasnt fair. I flipped out and said "you know whats not fair, it wouldnt have been fair if you got to hold him before me because I WORKED TO GET HIM HERE and I hadnt held him yet because I was so sick. So you held him the day after he was born or later that day. GET OVER IT" Only to find out that none of them even knew I didnt hold him yet. I felt embarassed. So flipping out in my opinion would not be the best thing to do, but you need to say how you feel about what happened to your husband or it will bottle up. I still dont like the way things go sometimes with our son and his family (like they smoke and then dont wanna wash their hands before they hold him.) and I've learned you gotta talk to him, and tell him you need to back him and if he loves you, he will. which im sure he does or he wouldnt have had a baby with you.

Answer 2

Yes, you should have said something.  You had every right to demand whatever you wanted in that situation.  Unfortunately, you didn't (or maybe couldn't) so just let it go.  Consider it a lesson learned for your next child.  Tell them they will be called when you are ready for company but to keep the birth private.

I think it was extremely rude for them to try to hold the baby before you, but as for the other stuff, I think they might have just gotten carried away with the excitement and didn't mean any harm.  

Answer 3

I blame your husband, he should have told them to back off till you are ready for people. Or they should have had the courtesy to ask if this is a good time to come in before just barging in.

You didn't need to do anything, you are the one in pain you shouldn't have to worry about that.

Answer 4

I feel your pain!!!!

My husband opened the door to go tell everyone our son had been born and I swear they fell into the room! The first image I saw was my husbands....very burly (straight out of prison) uncle by marriage giving me a huge thumbs up and saying 'that'ssss righhtttttt!" I immediately burst into tears because I was still being stitched up...not to mention some strange man walked into our room (his wife was giving birth in the room next to ours) while I was pushing!!!! Another immediate crying moment....My L&D nurse was really good though...she told me if I ever wanted her to clear the room besides my mom and husband to tell her I wanted some white grape juice - seeing how I couldn't have anything besides ice chips - and she'd clear everyone out. It worked like a charm. My mom cleared people out time after time while I was being checked. Of course...then I got to listen to my in laws complaining about how my mother was being bossy...hello! I was in labor!!!! Anyway...I think someone should have said something for you....it wasn't your job to make them leave...your job was delivering the baby!

Answer 5

Yes, and you still should say something or have your husband say something.  This was your and your husband's time and it's up to you (the one in pain) to decide who and when can come in and if that's noone, so be it.  You're the one in labor, not them!

Answer 6

I think you have a right to say something if it upset you and you want it different next time.  Maybe it would be better for your husband to say something since it is his family.  

Congrats!

Answer 7

sit down & talk to your husband.  explain to him that next time you would like it to be just you, him & whom ever else you choose.  This is a special time for you, your husband & your child.  You should be able to cherish it instead of look back with regret.  What's done is done!  next time stand your ground...it's your right!  if your husband tells them you would prefer if they wait in the waiting room until you are ready for visitors & they still don't listen then politely tell them yourself to get the heck out.  Or you could always wait until after the baby is born & then call them.  If they ask why you waited so late to call them just tell them things got hectic & there was no time.  It's your day!

Answer 8

You could have told them that you wanted privacy while you gave birth. It would be completely understandable, and I'm sure they would understand. And if they didn't don't worry about hurting their feelings, your the one having a baby you have a right to be cranky. And my sister who had a baby about two years ago, refused for anyone to hold the baby before her, except her husband. So that would make sense to. Of course the parents should hold the baby first. But anyway you always have next time :)

Answer 9

If you plan to have another baby, make it clear to your partner from the beginning you dont want anyone extra in the birthing room - they should really respect your wishes and privacy.

Answer 10

You are much nicer than I would have been.  I would have ordered everyone out of the room, nicely but firmly, and not given it a second thought. How rude of them all!

Answer 11

Next time do what you want. I had a c-section and instisted that no one was to hold my baby till I got to hold him first but my husband of course. They were a little upset but they got over it and there are no hard feelings between us. I did decide this and give them time to adjust to it when I was about 32 weeks and they told me I would need a c-section. It's your baby and your birth. I hope this helps. Good luck and congrats.

Answer 12

I'm sorry you had to go through that! They should have definatley been more understanding!  I probably would have told then to get the f out! it should have been between you and your husband and maybe your moms....if YOU want. It shouldn't  have been up to anyone else. You were the one giving birth and if they thought you were being a b**** then they'd get over it. Giving birth is one of the hardest things a woman does and if she doens't want anyone there to watch her then that is her perogative. And them trying to hold your baby before you...I woulda screamed!!!!! It makes me so mad for you!   I;m due in December but delivering inNovember bc I'm having twins. My boyfriend and my mom will be with me.... and I will hold both of them first!  I ahve already told my other family and friends that I do not want anyone in the room until at least a few hours after.   Good luck in the future!

Answer 13

yes you should have said something

that was extremely rude of them

its one thing to come in and see you for a few minutes, a few people and then go to the waiting room... but who wants a bunch of people in the delivery room... geez

next time dont worry about being a bit** and make sure your delivery is the way you want it to be!

Answer 14

People will treat you only as you allow them to.  You are probably young, b/c you haven't realized that you are NOT being a bi*** by telling them they are not allowed in.