Do you think if okay for a 11 almost 12 year old to have a boyfriend?

Question

Hi I'm a single mom of 3 kids.... two which are girls, lately I have been hearing my girls talk about boys, which I know is a normal thing for kids their age but my thing with the issue is that I do not like the word boyfriend and lately that's all I have been hearing is that my 11 year old has a boyfriend. Now I sat her down and explain to her that I don't think she's old enough to have a boyfriend and that's it's okay to have friends that just happens to be boys. Do you think I'm been a little to strict or that I handle the situation okay. I just do not want her to lose focus on school or anything else. This school term will be her first year in middle school an I think she should be more focus on her education than anything else. I know I can't protect her for everything but in my eyes she's still a baby.....

Answer 1

I think she is still a little young for a boyfriend.  I think you did an excellent job in telling her friends that are boys are ok though.  I was worried too much about boys at an early age and I had a hard time during adolecent years.  I was so worried about boys and having a boy like/love me that it took years for me to find out who I was and what I wanted.  I think a young girl should be worried about being a kid with school work and hanging out with her girlfriends and finding out who she is.  A boy adds so much extra drama to things.

Answer 2

Its hard for me to say what you should do with your daughter, as you are her mother and know her better than anyone else.

What I will say to you is that forbidding her to have boyfriends, will not stop her from having them, but will just encourage her to keep them secret from you.

You would be better off teaching her to respect herself, and her body.  Teach her that it is not ever ok for a man to treat her badly, and raise her to be a strong woman.

Explain s*x to her when she is old enough, and explain how important it is for her to wait until the right place and time in her life to have s*x.

Banning boys will do no good.

Answer 3

I do think it is normal for a 12 year old to be thinking about boys. I would ask her what she thinks a boyfriend and a girlfriend do together. Never a bad time to bring up the birds and the bee's. And peer pressure. And let her know up front when you will allow dating.

Answer 4

Its okay...I have many cousins and a lil brother. And one of my cousins is 10 and hes had alot of girlfriends. Little kids start to date earlier these days. My best friend who has a 10 yr old brother has a gf also.

Answer 5

okay. is society today we always hear things about young girls getting pregnant and scary things of that sort. I'm sure this is why you doubt your level of "strictness" lol :p however, i think a call like this should be made by you. when i was that age i had a boyfriend the only thing we did was hold hands and peck on the cheek. honestly, it depends on the kid. you need to decide whether your daughter is that type and if you can trust her. if you want her to be more focused and you re worried. i suggest you make this boyfriend a part of the family. make him feel welcome and invite him over for study sessions and dinner at least 2 times a week. this way you can monitor the two any make sure they real are studying :]

Answer 6

Well I understand but soon she will grow up u can still see her like your baby. But for me which im 13 I think the appriote age or grade is like the beginning high school because by then they'll be mature, and see what its like to have a relationship from there friends having relationships. Maybe she might be able to handle it in high school. But if she is mature enough and you feel that you want to let her start dating then go ahead. But I am mature and everything I get awsome grades but my self I dont want to start dating yet. My dad still sees me as his little princess and everything and im ok with that. I hope you understand what I am trying to say!

Hope this helps

Good-Luck!

Answer 7

I think it is great that you actually sat he down for a converstaion instead of just telling her "this is how I said it is going to be"

You're right on.  This is the stage where they are easily persuaded.  And not to scare you, but I had a friend who actually had a baby at 12.  You're doing what is right by protecting your children, and helping direct them down their own paths.

Pesonally I say group functions only unless you are there to supervise just the two of them.  

I keep an eye on my younger sisters who ar 13 and 15 (because my mother doesn't and I don't want a repeat of my friend listed above)  I talk to them about peer pressure, not letting anyone talk them into something that does not seem right to them, safe s*x, STDs, pregnancy/children being a lifetime commitment and sacrafice.  They tell me everything because it is an ongoing conversation not a one timer.

Also - to their dismay =c) - I monitor their Myspace accounts (which I do not think they should have but its the internet age - and have them delete people they have added that they do not know personally and also you can see the type of conversations they are having - like if her intrest is really just friend stuff or if you have something to worry about.

You're great!  And too many parents are dropping the ball nowadays which is why teen pregnancies are still frequent and 15 billion new cases of STDs are being reports yearly.

Kudos!

Answer 8

Good for you for having a talk with her.  Personally I started having a boyfriend when I was that young ( I am now 27).  I "dated" the same boy for 3 years at that age.  It taught me trust, compromise and how to be understanding people.  Now let me also say we were never out of eye shot of one of our parents or a trusted adult.  There were kids our age having s*x sure, but because my parents and his parents had raised us with the belief of not having s*x before marriage (not that this is still my belief), we didn't feel that pressure.  I graduated high school with a 3.7GPA, went on to get a college degree and now am highly successful. Having a boyfriend at such a young age didn't hinder any of that.  I guess what I am trying to say is keep the communication open between your daughter, go ahead and disagree with her (that is what parents do), but let her feel comfy enough to keep talking with you about it.  Be there and part of her decision making process (without being too instrusive) and you will see everything will work out.

Answer 9

yes i think its fine a lot of times u will hear that but nothnig at all actually happens between them, they are just both crushing on each other and know it.

Answer 10

My grand daughter is also 11 and entering middle school. She also has had a "boyfriend" this year. Not that we heard that from her! All it has involved is that they say they like each other. When I have been at her school they don't walk together or anything. I guess it means they have a crush on one another.

We have had the same talk as you, friends that are boys are okay but not really boyfriends. In this case it seems that boyfriend is just a word. Though I am concerned about things changing when they get to middle school in the fall. Just keep talking to her and sharing your feelings. That works best. Also make sure she is aware of the facts of life. My youngest son just told me that when he went into this same middle school, he had his first make out session under the bleachers. He was 12 at the time.

Answer 11

Yes, it's fine, when they're that young, it doesnt mean anything really, the age you should start worrying about is 13+, if your to strict on her, she's going to go behind your back and still have a boyfriend and the worst thing you want is her to think your to strict and that usually ends up to the parents kids being distant and not having a very close relationship with there moms/dads/both.

Answer 12

no problem at all--it is nothing serious at that age, and something most kids go through. Don't worry.

Answer 13

my 11 yr old has had the same "boyfriend" since 4th grade.  they talk on the phone and text but thats it.  they go no where unsupervised.  i think it depends on the child

Answer 14

my sister and her friends are 12... they don't think of boyfriends like we do (going places/kissing/etc.) they mostly see each other at school and talk on the phone.

what cracks me up... is that they "love" this one guy, but he gets passed between all the girls...when the other girl and him break up....

it's just petty stuff I wouldn't start worrying until 14, and then maybe time for the s*x talk. =)

Good Luck and don't stress!

Answer 15

i think its fine. trust me.im 12 and when i was 11 i had a "boyfriend" but it lasted about a week maby 2.

Answer 16

I think its fine it isnt that big matter ,having boyfriends in 21st century isnt that big deal and newayz she is going to enter in teenage life very soon nd people shuld experience everythin in life nd ya as as she grows she will knw wat is right nd wrng being a mother  u have to care bt dnt stop her 4m doing anything just make her understand to which limit she shuld be. Be a mother nd a friend.otherwise she will hate u and may be things can go worse.

Answer 17

It's okay, I know, I'm 12 turning 13 in a few months.

Let her have a boyfriend. If you don't she might do it behind your back.

At that age having a boyfriend means: hanging out at school and talking on the phone/ IMing.

But since it's summertime she might like to see him every now and then. Plan a 'play date' so they could hang out and talk but NEVER leave them completely alone.

When school begins make sure she focuses on her education than her boyfriend (if they stay together for that long). I look at all of the 'couples' at my school and pretty much, it's 'puppy love'. NOTHING  serious is going to happen. It's just hugging and holding hands.

If she's untrusted by you, then don't let her have a boyfruend.

Hope I somewhat helped!

Answer 18

yeah it was good what u did but she probably has like a "crush" it's probably not gonna last more than a couple of weeks

Answer 19

Trust me--the "boyfriend" and the "girlfriend" really don't LOVE each other. It's middle school puppy love, nothing more. She's not old enough for it anyway. She's 11! I'm 17 and I still can't have a boyfriend...too bad I'm closeted.

Answer 20

i'm sure it's fine. it's probably just puppy love

Answer 21

I  think you are right to tell her she is too young for a boyfriend. In late elementary school (my daughter tells me it started somewhat in third grade with some of her classmates!!!!!!!!!) it is not uncommon for kids to be ``going together`` but it usually involves passing notes and talking on the phone or IMing.  My daughter is smart and pretty and has not had even one of those yet.

My kids have always known they are not allowed to date until age 16 though in 7th grade they may be able to go to a movie or school event with a group of friends which may include someone likeable but they are not allowed to get serious about anyone until age 16/10th grade.

I think you are being great about it because that is the danger -- that at middle school age boys become more appealing and she may be at risk for losing focus on school. I told my daughter that 7th grade would be full of new sports and activities and new things to learn and that should be her focus.

I am lucky that neither of my older kids have been all that interested in anyone yet (my 15 year old son and 12 year old daughter).  

I guess make her understand she has her whole life ahead of her for relationships with boys/men and when she is older she will have better insight into what she wants and needs in a relationship and whether someone is good for her or not.

Sure she can (and does) think a boy is cute for now but it is nothing to get serious about at this age.

Answer 22

my aunt got pregnant at 12 had a baby at 13..the father was 1-2  years older...i think your daughter is too young

Answer 23

no i dont think your being too hard. your right, she shouldnt have a bf at that age. but at that age, its completely innocent, so even if she does have a bf, it wont mean anything, itll just be like having a friend thats a boy that she likes. if you dont want to be too strict then tell her she can have a bf but at a certain age. then she'll have something to look foreward to. tell her when you 15 you can have a bf, or w/e age you think is appropriate; and make sure your not being too strict because then she'll just do things behind your back. try to remember that she is growing up, and try to remember your pre-teenage years, how that was for you, and try to relate to her. also explain to her that boys arent everything and that school work right now is more important; because at her age, she probably thinks they are everything. good luck =)

Answer 24

though she is not still a baby in a mother's eye at  if i gave birth to you you are still a baby. i think you are doing the right thing it is hard enough to be a young kid in school with all the peer pressure and things your not being to strict keep her focus that's the best for her congrats!!!

Answer 25

kids are getting older at younger ages now, if that makes any sense. as long as its not something u think may get promiscuous, i think its fine. everyone hits that point at different times. its probably harmless.

just make sure it doesnt interfere with school.

Answer 26

yes i think its OK

Answer 27

its o.k, but keep an eye on them still. its prolly pupyluv though

Answer 28

no your not being strict, you are doing the right thing but you also have to remember that children talk at school and boyfriend is the word that all of the girls use, my little girl who is going on 11 says she has at least two boyfriends and I have talked to her about it and it is a subect to become worried about because things are happening younger in this generation I have a 14 year old boys that thinks he know what a serious relationship is but no matter what you hear jjust continue the pow wow talks with your girls, then when the stradegy changes you are prepared to answer them too.

Answer 29

well im about 2 turn 14 (on july 7) and am going in2 freshman year, ive never had a bf, but im fine with that. i think she should wait till she actually becomes a teenager 2 date. good luck

Answer 30

no because that is when girls are most naive and do not really know what to do and might be convinced to do things they should not

Answer 31

at 11 that is when the kids really start thinking about each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. especially since they are going into middle school. i do not think she is too young to have a boyfriend because as long as the boy is her same age it is probably harmless. they will probably hold hands and maybe kiss but she is almost 12! things are so different from even when i was in middle school and i am only 24!

all the girls had boyfriends in 6th and 7th grade. just make sure they are accompanied by parents on their "dates" if that makes you more comfortable and keep strict rules about talking on the phone with him and going out so she makes sure to get her homework done.