Do you think is wrong if a married guy tells you he enjoys the friendship you both have?

Question

If he says he enjoys our friendship and communications, can be trouble although he's long distance and doesn't show anything shady, or is this a sign it can develop into something shady. Especially, if the wife don't know about it?

I ask this cuz this guy I met a long time now as a customer and then he left to home town, but being in contact as friends ( frankly I don't feel him shady).

People say it b/c this is his 2nd marriage and his wife is older than him, but he seems to love her.

Maybe, he just finds it liberating to have a friend, right?

Answer 1

I have male friends that were friends before they were married.

Some are long distance...maybe you may be naive then let's

join the club.  AS long as they do not make it a problem to

me...I'm good.

Answer 2

NOTHING IS WRONG AS LONG AS YOU JUST STAY FRIENDS.

Answer 3

As long as it doesn't become an emotional relationship.

Linda

Answer 4

I find it wrong that his wife does not know. Maybe that is why she is the jealous type. I don't think having friends of the opposite s*x is wrong or telling them that you enjoy their friendship.  

Answer 5

Nothing wrong with friendship as long as his wife is aware of it.

Answer 6

well this isn't very good his saying things that maybe hes hinting but i would take him with grain of salt he could be just nice but then again i think hes proably rotten and hes trying to find something to fool with so dont' take him on he'll only make you upset and hes a mess sound slike to me.

Answer 7

if the wife doens't know about it, it's a little shady, but probably he just doesn't want her to worry about him having a secret life or something....or maybe she's the jealous type. If he's never made a move on you, never said anything innappropriate, he probably just enjoys the companionship and the advice and thoughts of a woman who is not his wife! I enjoy hanging out with my male friends - nothing would ever happen with any of them - b/c it's nice to have someone to talk to who isn't your spouse and isn't feeding you the typical advice that comes from a friend of the same s*x. It sounds like you just have a good, innocent friendship

Answer 8

No way, you're setting yourself up for a trap.  There is a reason why you're not friends with his wife.  Many times relationships start out as just friendships and blossom into something else.  Anytime a man and a woman spend too much time together trouble is on its way.  Consider how you would feel if your husband had a friendship with another woman.  Spend some time reading questions from other people asking how they can heal their hearts because they started a friendship with a man and it turned into a relationship.  Then who is the one who gets hurt?  The "other woman."  Half the time the wife doesn't know and never finds out.  Be very careful.

Answer 9

Not liberating to have a friend. It is very wrong for a man to have friend of the opposite s*x that he is keeping a secret from his wife. I think you feel that way too because it is the reason why you're asking the question. Something just doesn't feel right about the relationship between the two of you because it is definitely wrong on his part.

Answer 10

If nothing shady has happened and you don't feel it is his intent to move in that direction, then I see nothing wrong.

Personally, I have always had a large number of female friends.  They provide great insight, especially when problems arise in a relationship.  Maybe he just appreciates the additional insight you give him being you are a member of the opposite s*x.  

Answer 11

I'm not sure, I don't know who he is so I couldn't accurately say. Its fine just being friends, but if he indicates that he wants it to become something more tell him no, and if he persists even though you have told him no then contact his wife.

Answer 12

This is a sad question.

Why would it be so wrong for someone to say they enjoy the friendship you share? Why on earth would you have to ruin such a beautiful sentiment and taint it with the idea that there must be something sordid behind it?

Don't let other people put these thoughts into your head. You say yourself that you don't feel there's anything "shady" about him.

Married people need friends too. It's not that it's "liberating" as you put it - it's just a normal human desire to make connections with others. He hasn't done anything to trouble you, so please don't overthink this and ruin everything.

And no you're not naive. But I think you have detractors in your life who are highly cynical and suspicious. They're the ones I'd be avoiding if I was you.

Are you certain that his wife doesn't know of your communication, or are you speculating? Obviously it would be preferable if it was all out in the open, but sometimes married people who wish to maintain perfectly innocent friendships are driven to hide them, quite unnecessarily by jealous, controlling partners. That may be the case for him. It doesn't detract from the innocence of your friendship though, because, as you say clearly, he has never done anything to make you feel uncomfortable whatsoever.

I think you should just enjoy your long-distance friendship. I don't see anything wrong with it at all.

Answer 13

Believe it or not I think he is being "shady." Especially if his wife doesn't know about it. He obviously feels he might be crossing a line talking to you when he should be having complete honesty with his life partner: his wife.

Men (sneaky men like him) usually keep "friends" as collateral in case he's ever alone or dumped. He's obviously going to find it liberating to keep his options open.

Don't trust him because you know he's not being an honest man.  

Answer 14

everybody needs friend and there is no law that says guys have to have all guy friends or gals all gal friends there is nothing wrong him might just connect with you better as friends than he does anybody else