Do you think it's always better for a baby to be adopted by the same race?

Question

My parents still have disagreements of which family I should put my baby in. My mom thinks Japanese will be better, so they can learn about our culture. What do you think, should the adoptive parents look more like the baby?

Answer 1

No, it's not always better. Look at the individual families.  

How much Japanese culture does the Japanese family practice?  Aside from Japanese cultural elements, what kind of life would your child lead with them?  What rules does the family have?  How would they discipline children? Does the couple fight often?

Does the other family know anything about Japanese culture? Are they happy to learn about Japanese culture along with your child through books, classes, Japanese friends, etc?  Will you remain in any contact with your baby so that you can personally pass on some of your family's traditions? How will the couple deal with mean comments that people make? Aside from culture, what about rules, discipling, fighting, etc?

People wouldn't guess it by looking at me (I'm white), but I've been interested in Asia since I was a little girl and I've traveled in China and India and spent a semester studying in Taiwan.  My kids are going to learn about Asian cultures whether they're Japanese or Guatemalan or Russian or from my own belly!  If I don't already know about their culture, then I'll learn about it and pass that on to them.  I've been to 15 different countries and I've studied German, Polish, and Chinese, and so any child of mine is going to learn words from those languages as an infant.  I think that no matter what culture you and your children are from, you should make sure your family learns about other cultures.

Answer 2

I think you need to let the baby go to the family who you feel will love it more, while their heritage is good to know, when/if my husband and I ever adopt we will be sure to teach and let our child know their heritage. In the end you are the baby's mom and you should choose who you feel more comfortable with.

Answer 3

no..my brother and sister are adopted 1 white and 1 african american and we are a african american family..but it is ur choice. but u get more attention with some 1 who isn't your race.

Answer 4

That's not our choice, that's only your choice. Not you parents or Angelina Jolie. If your looking to adopting a baby your going to care for for the rest of your life, then its only you that can make that huge decision.

Answer 5

I think you should look at profiles of all couples, race can be 1 factor, but it shouldn't be the only factor.  When you meet the couples, explain to them your concern about wanting the baby to know her Japanese culture.  Listen to how they tell you that they plan on doing that.  Maybe 1 of your criteria should be that you want a family who loves multiculturalism, loves to travel.  Maybe a couple that you meet will surprise you and say that they have a sibling who is married to a Japanese person, or maybe that they love Japan and just got back from living there for 2 years on a business contract. You never know!

Answer 6

I think if there is a family that is a good choice that is of the same race, that is great... adopt to them.

I don't think there are very many Japanese families that are in the adoption market, but I could be wrong.  :)

BUT, at the same time, any family is better than none, or an unwanted child situation.

Answer 7

I do not think it is as important as some people make it out to be. A child is a child is a child and the only one that matters is your child whether you are a biologicl parent or an adoptive parent. My daughter is Chinese and I am Caucasian and it does not matter. I do not see her as anything but my baby and she is 4 years old. She would be mortally offended by my referring to her as my baby but I do tell her that often.

What I think is most important is whether or not the adoptive parents can love a child of a different race. It is truly not that hard to do. Once a child is in your arms and you are told this child is yours the bonding and attachment begins.

Children growing up in families of different races can grow up just fine with positive self-esteems, and a great self image. They learn that race does not matter and are less prejudice than others. They are taught the color of a persons skin does not matter. The shape and color of their eyes does not matter. What matters is in the heart. I've attached a link below of an article about teens who have grown up in caucasian families. The last sentence says it all "Wilson said she also feels comforted by the group's number one message to their adoptive parents: "Stop worrying! We are OK."

It is nice to hear it from teens who have been there and lived it. It brings me great comfort knowing that at the end of the day the adoption of my daughter did not do her harm.

Answer 8

Well it dosent matter what race they are it matters if they are good people and are willing to love and care for the baby.It matters how much they care!hope i help u

Answer 9

I think it's easier on the child if they are the same race as the family.  Kids are cruel and they don't care what the subject is about when they pick on others.

Answer 10

No, I think that baby's should be placed with people who 'love kids' but can't have kids of their own, or who want to raise 'other people's children' in a 'better, richer society' than the ones they might come from.  When I go downtown in the city where I live, I see black kids with white parents or Asian parents.  I see white kids with black or Asian parents.  I see Asian kids with black or white parents ... and any other 'combination' that that is 'possible' ... and when I look at them 'walking down the street' and talking and having fun with each other, I 'know' deep in my heart that 'race' doesn't really matter, but LOVE makes all of the 'difference in the world.'  Good luck, my dear ... and be very 'happy' because your baby will go 'to the right parents' for it, no matter 'what color' they are ... and they WILL be taught to 'respect and know' YOUR culture, because 'other race parents' all seem to truly believe that 'culture' can be 'learned' by anyone, and they actually ENJOY 'learning' right along with their children.

Answer 11

I do not think it matters.  I do think that it may help in the future having some kind of a similarity within their own, just so they feel they have a 'bond' I guess you could say.

I would like to adopt someday from Cambodia, because my husband was born and raised there for awhile--so we could give our child (the adopted one) the best of both worlds, my husband and his parents, and me.  :)

And if your parents think that your child needs to be adopted out by another Japanese family, then you should just keep your baby.  Right?

Answer 12

Absolutely not. You should go with the family you think can provide your baby the best life and not just financially also emotionally. If the couple does not care about race than you shouldn't either. Children grow and flourish in mixed raced families just as they would in same raced families. It's a personal choice and I think you should make it based on the best family all around not based on race.

Answer 13

no it doesn't matter wat race but at least they are caring and good parents u ! I think itz better if ya don't care bout the race at allll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

Answer 14

hI tHERE! Although there are some people out there who are not very nice----most people are. You should put your baby wih a loving family ( this thought should come first ) then think about race. Is your baby Japanese? I can't say this enough--" LOVE " is the most important issue. Look for adoptive parents/parent who will love your-child as " their own " Do you live in the US? I would love to hear from you again to see how you are doing. Good Luck! God Bless you and your baby!

Answer 15

Yes!! Even just because while growing up kids dont want to be stared at. If they look like they belong they feel more like they belong.

Answer 16

As long as the baby has loving parents - it does not matter.  Judge the parents by their ability to love and their parenting skills, not the color of their skin

Answer 17

I think you should find someon who can provide your baby the heritage, not necessary the same race, I see chinese kids who were raised by a white couple, who can speak more fluent chinese than my children. Definately make sure they have the financial capacity to send you child to a biligual school. Forgot to mension those chinese kids are both enrolled in MIT, I don't think their birth mom had any regrets if she known this.

Answer 18

This shouldn't matter, but unfortunately sometimes it does. We didn't specify that we wanted a Caucasian child when we adopted (we are white) because the child's race wasn't that important to us. We just wanted to be parents! When we got the call about our son (4 years and 3 days ago!), we were told that he is Hispanic. Well, as it turns out, our son looks completely Caucasian -- he doesn't show his Hispanic DNA at all. People tell my ex-husband and me all the time how much our son looks like us! Though it truly didn't matter to us what ethnic background our child had, I do think it might be easier on the child and the parents if they all look similar. It's awful, but I think it's true...at least sometimes. I have been asked the RUDEST questions by people who know my son was adopted, such as, "Was his mother on drugs?" as if it's any of their business, and "Why would someone give up such a beautiful child?" as if it would be easy to give up an unattractive baby. Give me a break! Those questions make me nuts and I get very offended. I can't even imagine how irritated I'd be if someone asked me a question about why my child looked different than I do. Other than the rude questions from others (and my pissed off reaction and my son witnessing it), I couldn't care less if a child's adoptive parents are not of the same race as the child.

Answer 19

If you find a Japanese family that you think would make a good fit, then by all means, choose them.  Race is an important factor, it's just not the ONLY factor.  If you meet a non-Japanese couple that is just perfect, and they're prepared to teach your little one about his or her heritage, then your child will not suffer for going with them.