Do you think it's ok to adopt based on gender?

Question

If you already have all boys or all girls, do you think it's right to adopt just because you don't have a child of a certain gender and because you want to 'balance out' the family?

Answer 1

The problem that I can see with that (this is not coming from an adoptee, so if I'm getting this wrong, please correct me) is that this child already has questions about "why wasn't I good enough exactly as I am for my 'real' mother/family", and on top of that, s/he has to think about the fact that if s/he wasn't the gender that s/he was born with, then s/he wouldn't be good enough for YOU, either.  That's a huge burden for a child to bear.

That said, not all children will see that aspect of it, and some will not see it until they get older.  All adopted children (heck, all children PERIOD) have issues they need parental help to deal with.  Problem is that with adoptees, nothing that the adoptive parents say will EVER be good enough (it might satisfy SOME doubts, but doubts will always linger) because you are not their birth parents.  The "I'm not good enough" worry, in my opinion, is a huge one, and should be minimized in as many ways as possible.  I say it's not worth it to adopt a child specifically for a certain gender.

I'm sure I missed other issues as well.  Good luck!

Edit:  Something I forgot to mention when I originally wrote this was that adopting for a specific gender IS worthwhile when it is for the benefit, or safety, of the CHILD.

Answer 2

I think it's selfish. A person doesn't get to choose the s*x when she gives birth to a baby, so why should she get to choose when she adopts? And what does that tell her biological children? "You boys are great but we really wanted a girl, so we're adopting one. We wouldn't have had to do this if one of you had just been a girl." I don't like it. Adopt because you want to be a parent; not because you want to parent a child of a certain s*x.

Answer 3

i think it shouldn't matter what gender, but then if you look at it your still adopting a child. so it really is ok, but when you do go you might fall for the child of opposite gender then you wanted. I think its fine though cause your getting a child out of an orphanage or also called children's home.

Answer 4

Before I say anything, I want to say this: Be sure to look to adopt a child because you want to take care of it, regardless of gender.

To answer the question, now...

It's a bit of a selfish idea to want to adopt JUST to say that you have two girls and two boys, but in my opinion, there's nothing wrong with looking for a boy specifically because you don't want three girls and one boy.

Answer 5

No, you adopt to help the child not for you to have a perfect family with the same number of boys and girls.

Answer 6

I don't know.  I guess it depends on the individual family.  We just let whatever happens happen.  Probably why we have five girls. lol. I have had friends who wanted to adopt a specific gender and i don't see anything wrong with it. Probably because i knew first they really wanted to adopt, second they wanted specific gender if at all possible.  Good question.

Answer 7

I think its perfectly ok to adopt a child based on gender!! I have all boys and was hoping that one of my boys would have been a girl and it didn't happen. I would love to adopt a little girl just because i would love to have a girl and show her the things a girl is suppose to be shown from a mother!! Getting to bond with her would be incredible!!!!

Answer 8

yes because some peoplewant a girl so they should get what they want if there paying so much money to adopt

Answer 9

I think its fine although I can see how questions might arise from the child. To feel that the only reason they were adopted was because they were a boy or a girl. Then again look at people who want a specific race child they could have the same possible thoughts.

Answer 10

I don't see anything wrong with it.

Answer 11

whatever works for you. as long as you treat that child like it is your own, and give it what you give to the rest of your children, then choosing a boy over a girl or vice versa does not matter at all..

good luck

Answer 12

ABSOLUTELY!

I have four girls...several of them adopted. I someday want to adopt several boys. There are SO MANY children in needs of home it's right to find a child that matches your family's needs and desires  or there is no point in adopting.

However,Would I turn away another girl if the opportunity presented itself...NO! I a mother to the core and want to love on as many children as possible. The world is a scary place, every child should have someone to call mother who is stable and safe.

www.adoptive-parenting.com/waiting-chi...

www.adoptive-parenting.com

Answer 13

Thats what my parents did

But wait a minute, I though every child deserved a stable loving home - best not to be too picky

Answer 14

No, I do not.  Nor do I think that gender selection abortions are okay.  It is a sign that, for these people, parenting is not about the needs of the child but about the needs of the parent.

Answer 15

yes.

we're adopting this summer, and will be having either 2 boys or a girl and a boy. we see nothing wrong with this- i'll be going to college in a couple of years, and my brother will be here with the two adopted kids. it just makes more sense this way!

don't let people make you feel guilty about your choice. you are helping the world by adopting, and other people do NOT have a say in that!!!!!

Answer 16

yes, you want the best possible start to this new relationship

Answer 17

We specified a gender when we adopted. We had two children already (1 boy, 1 girl). We chose to specify a boy.

One of the many things we considered was that whichever gender the child we adopted was, they were going to have to share a bedroom with one of our other kids.

Our daughter is very much one of those people who needs her space, and to have everything "just so." She keeps her room immaculate and knows if anyone moved anything even a quarter of an inch. She struggles alot academically and it is vital for her to have that very calming atmosphere of her room to study. It would have been a nightmare for all involved for her to share a room with a young toddler. I think she would have felt displaced and resentful and the child we adopted made to feel unwelcome in her own room. There also is a much bigger age difference between our daughter and our youngest.

Our older son, on the other hand is extremely laid back, and actually prefers sharing his room. The boys are close in age and share the same interests, etc. Our adopted son loves sharing a room with his big brother and they spend hours playing together in it.

I realize something like room sharing is a "small" thing, but I truly believe taking into account certain things like that (and realizing how they might appear to the children involved) can make a big difference in the families adoptive experience overall.

All 3 of our children are incredibly close and I definitely believe that considering each of the kids views, different personalities and needs from the beginning of the adoption process thru now has helped to facilitate those bonds.