Do you think it's ok to breastfeed an adopted baby?

Question

My husband and I are adopting a newborn, at my physical my doctor mentioned it would be possible for me to breastfeed and I started pumping and taking some natural supplements that she suggested.

I now have a full milk supply, the baby is due in 2 weeks and I have had a lot of negative feedback from family and friends about it being innapropriate to breastfeed a child that isn't biologically yours. One friend even said it's like child molestation. My reasons for wanting to do it were to develop a closer bond, give him the health benefits, and of course it's very cost effective as a bonus. But now I'm doubting my desicion. They could just be ignorant, but do you think it's innapropriate?

Answer 1

Highly innappropriate.  I'm SO glad my adoptive mother didn't attempt something so unnatural.  Barf.

Answer 2

i agree with you, its totally natural so why are your family and friends so wacked out about something that is natural?! its all up to you though because its your desion not theirs and if you are 100% comfortable doing this then go ahead. i do agree that it might bring a bond between you two and it is healthy for him or her.

Answer 3

That's awesome momma!  What a wonderful thing you're doing for your baby.  It's great that you have a full supply too.

Feeding a child is not child molestation.  That's rediculous.  YOU will be this child's mother.  It won't matter that you are not biologically connected.  Go for it.

Answer 4

I think you should totally breast feed the child.  Kudos to you for trying to do the right thing.  Breast milk has been proven to be better for brain development etc. anyway.  Breast feeding is also good for bonding.

"Molestation"?  There's nothing sexual about it.  C'mon.  According to their thinking, breast feeding your own child would be incest.  

I put milk on my cereal, and not only am I not biologically realated to the cow(s) that it came from, I'm not even the same species!

You're doing the right thing.

Jeez, I kinda sound like Dear Abby.

Answer 5

As an adoptee, I find this amom breastfeeding trend to be extremely disturbing.  My amom once told me that she wishes she could have breastfed me like she did her bio sons.  I'm so glad she didn't, the idea makes me sick.  

My amom didn't give birth to me, my first mother gave birth to me.  My first mother had the milk for me, but couldn't give it to me.  I have known of first mothers who breastfed their babies after birth, and also those who pumped and gave the milk to the adoptive parents to be given to their baby.  I think that is a very good thing.  It may even help ease the trauma and loss the adopted infant feels at losing their first mother.

Amom's breastfeeding makes me recoil...it smacks of insecurity and possessiveness.

Answer 6

ick ick ick

Funny how it is mostly APs that think "it is a great idea" ... HA

Answer 7

I see nothing wrong with it

Answer 8

I'm an adoptee. I am in the minority of who feels this way ;)

The benefits of breastfeeding a baby far outweigh the *ickyness* factor

I am VERY Pro Breastfeeding. I have overcome huge hurdles to breastfeed both my babies

I have supported and encouraged many many women through breastfeeding on parenting forums and through friendships formed.

It is just one of those issues that people just HAVE To HAVE a say in, and thats how Revolting it is.

Well its not. Its a beautiful thing. I dont agree with many things that go on in the adoption world but so long as Breastfeeding of an adopted infant is done for the right reasons ie ALL About the INFANT. Then its A GOOD THING.

ITs only when its all about the adoptive mother that I will raise a eyebrow

If people could disassociate the Icky factor from the Benefit factor I think they may feel differently

Also I wonder how many of those who see it as repulsive acutally had a fantastic Breastfeeding experience themselves

If you are doing if for the baby - then ignore everyone else and DO IT

Please read the links below from

The Australian Breastfeeding Association

LLL

Kellymom

ETA I did forget to mention that if you have to stay on the Lactation drugs just to keep the supply then you should cease.

The effects of being on the drugs longterm haven t been proven for either baby or mother taking them.

They are supposed to be a short term boost for your supply.

There are herbal supps you can take, fenugreek and various other ones. However they can also cause allergic reactions in some people.

Please consult the links I have given for further breastfeeding help.

Please also see a Qualified Registered Lactation Consultant you can find one through the LLL link below

Also you must follow breastfeeding rules just like any other breastfeeding mother in regards to diet and alcohol and so on

Answer 9

It is not molestation!  That is just plain ignorant.

good for you for trying!

Answer 10

The final choice is up to you. But this is an interesting fact that i found out. When the baby is in the womb he/she can taste the mother's cooking, because of devolping taste buds. Anywho, breastmilk takes on the properties of what the mother eats, so, what the baby tasted inside it's mother, they will taste in the breast milk. LIke they are already use to their mother's cooking from birth, so sucking is easier. So, what i'm saying is if you decide to do this, don't expect it to be easy, because the baby is't use to your heart rythm or the type of foods you eat. At first going it may be hard for the baby to suck. So, you still may have to buy formula.

Answer 11

Go ahead and breastfeed..after all it is YOUR baby.

Answer 12

They are ignorant. It is a wonderful thing to be able to do and it isn't even close to child molestation. Let this be a lesson to you, you will find that nearly EVERY decision you make as a parent will cause someone to think that you are wrong. You can't let it get to you. You are the parent - I don't care if you gave birth or not. and you get to decide how to raise this child.

Good luck to you, and Congratulations on your new baby.

Answer 13

Wow thats great nothing NOTHING NOTHING like molestation - some people are so ignorant!! Ignore that person they are awful to say such a thing to you.

It was common practice in the old days to have milk nurses so it is certainally not unheard of at all. The fact that you can take supliments and pump out breast milk to get that going is just a modern take on that. How wonderful for you and the baby to have this opportunity to not only bond but for your new little baby to have such a healthy (and NORMAL) start in life.

You do what you, your doc and husband think is best for you and your new little baby. As you ask the questin is it inapropriate APSOLUTLY NOT I think it is wonderful.

Best of luck and congratualations on your new adopted little baby to be x*x

Answer 14

As an adoptee - I don't like it - at all.

And I'm so very very thankful my adoptive mother never took this route with me.

ICK - inappropriate is the word.

My personal feelings - most adoptive parents seem to want this more for their own personal gain - not for the adoptee.

(ie - your wanting to 'bond')

Sure - breast milk is good for babies - but I survived fine on formula - no asthma - no allergies.

Why don't you allow the bio mother to beast feed for awhile - or at least pump and give you a supply.

Think of how this adoptee will feel once grown.

Just - ick.

Answer 15

Dont worry about what other people have told you. I think its amazing that they have figured out a way for you to breast feed this child. I really am amazed by that. It's much better for the baby to breast feed him. If thats what you want to do then do it. It honestly helps to keep your baby from being sick. PLease do whats best for you baby. Dont listen to what all those people have said. Its right not wrong. And good luck with it.

Answer 16

Hi.

First off, the choice is up to you; but I have to back your family and friends on this one.

You've heard from several adoptees who say that they would not have wanted to be breastfed by their adoptive moms - that should be enough. Funny how the people who appove are mostly PAPs, APs and people who aren't connected to adoption. I wonder how any of them would feel having been breastfed by a stranger. (You will be a stranger to this child at first.) Those who talk about disassociating the "eww" factor should try to see it from the perspective of the child or better yet, that of the adult adoptee.

Heather, Healing Adoptee,Sunny, Problem Child and Possum have all given you excellent points to consider - from the perspective of your child. Even Adopted Jane, while supportive, is concerned about the effects of continued chemical assistance.

As a first mom, I can tell you that I would not have agreed to adopt if the a-parents had told me they intended to breastfeed my child and I would have been furious if they had not discussed it with me and I found out later that they had. I would have gladly pumped my milk for them, but they never asked. It did seem like a waste not to give it to them.

As for the "bonding" issue, it is rediculous to think that having a child suck from your body is what brings you closer together. The bonding comes from the smells, skin and eye contact and familiar sounds. How do you think fathers bond with their infants?! All of these things are present with bottle feeding and other activites.

I definately question the idea of filling a body with drugs or suppliments to produce milk to pass on to a baby. There are no definative studies to show that this has no long term effects on either mother or child. If you have had a "full milk supply" for a while you have lost most of the colostrum already; and that is really what is the most beneficial to the baby. (It is the yellowish, thicker fluid which is full of the mother's antibodies.)

If you plan to breastfeed be sure you intend to constantly be available to your child. Breastmilk does not keep a child satisfied for long. Breastfeeding infants require more feedings than formula fed infants and you are their source of sustinance. Unless you have supplied plenty of reserve milk in your fridge and continue to do so (so your husband can have some "bonding time" too and others will be able to bottle feed if you are unavailable) YOU will be woken up every two to four hours to nurse. :) Is your supply strong enough to keep up. Mine tapered off after a three months with my raised children and I had to put them on formula because I couldn't supply enough milk for the ravenous little things! I know many other women who have had this same issue.

As Healing Adoptee wrote, babies are used to the smells, sounds and tastes of their biological mothers. You should be prepared for the possibility that your child won't take your milk. I know biological mothers who's own children rejected their breastmilk.

I also I know biological mothers who could not keep up their milk supply. I know children who had trouble breastfeeding or had special dietary needs who had to be formula fed.  I know children raised by their fathers who were bottle fed only. I know plenty of adopted children and adult adoptees who were never breastfed. NONE of them had bonding issues because they weren't breastfed. (I also know kids who are grossed out by the thought that they were breastfed by their moms period!) I was not breastfed by my mother and we couldn't be closer.

One more point. Have you looked into the possility that you may trigger or start an allergy problem with your child? If you eat peanuts, tree nuts, certain fruits and other things while you are breastfeeding you could cause your child to develop an allergy? Everything you put into your body will be passed to your child. Spicy foods will be tasted, asperin and other medications will be ingested, even the chemicals you absorb through your skin from lotions, hair dye, sunscreen and other things can be in your breastmilk.

I am not against breastfeeding - I breastfed. I just have several concerns about both the practicality and the motivations behind breastfeeding adopted infants. I will tell you it is a lot of work. You will be VERY sore, VERY tired and will have to be VERY careful.

All that being said, again, it IS YOUR CHOICE and once it has been made it should be respected by those around you.

Good luck to you in what ever choice you make and congratulations on your new addition!

Answer 17

If you are planning on breastfeeding an adopted baby you should probably get the parents of the year award because that is the most self sacrificing thing to do! I am thoroughly impressed! I have always wanted to adopt but also breast feed and now I think I can do both! I think you need new friends!

Good luck with everything!

Answer 18

You know in the pasted many "well-off" families hired wet-nurses to breast feed the babies.  Also in many tribal cultures the feeding of children is done by many.

Answer 19

I think its a beautiful thing. Its not about bonding, but the health benefits alone. Its gorgeous and go for it!

Answer 20

No it could make the baby sick. If it has already breastfeeded off its first mother. Don't do it. Trust me.

Answer 21

The benefits far outweigh any perceived "inappropriateness."

The way breast milk works, your body picks up the baby's needs from the saliva on your nipples, and manufactures the appropriate breast milk for the baby you are feeding.  Wet nurses (women who breastfeed other women's children for a fee) have only recently come back into vouge, but they were a staple of life for thousands of years before the invention of powdered baby milk. Never doubt that you are doing the best thing for your baby by giving her this gift.

Do some research at http://www.llli.org   (Le Leche League International) on the positive effects of breastfeeding your adopted child.

Answer 22

I think its your choice. If they say its wrong, remind them that its not their choice and you don't appreciate the negative comments. It is a wonderful way to give him immunities and bond. I see nothing wrong with it.

Answer 23

I think it is a good idea. When I first heard about it, it kind of freaked me out, but why not? It is healthier for the baby from what I know and also you can experience something you might not otherwise (assuming you don't have any bio children). I thougth about it but decided not to because it is difficult emotionally if your breast are full of milk and the adoption falls through. And as it turns out we only had two weeks notice when adopting my daughter (and thought she might even come sooner). I certainly don't think it is inappropriate.

Answer 24

I see nothing wrong with it. I don't know why people are saying it's gross or molestation; it's your baby.

Do what you feel is right. I know for a fact that breast milk is far better for an infant than cow's milk- formula as people like to call it.

Girl don't go by other's opinions. Do what you want; no one else will raise this baby but you.

Answer 25

that is great that you are willing to do that for adopted baby. Yes it will help you develop a closer bond with him and give the health benefits to. I don't think that is weir. That is your baby . I know  alot of people that do it for there adopted children. If I would have know when I adopted 5 year ago I would have done it for my son. We are think about adoption again and I want  breastfeed the next baby. So don't listen to them you know you are doing the right thing for your baby. Good Luck and God Bless. Diona

Answer 26

I'm an adoptive mom.  I adopted four children ages 3 -9.  We seem to have all bonded very well without breast feeding.  My mother was unable to breastfeed me as I was allergic to her milk (or to whatever she was eating, I guess). I was healthy growing up, still am. And I love my mom.

If I were you, I wouldn't change my mind because of what the relatives think.  I would however pay attention to what adoptees think, because that gives you the nearest perspective on what your child might feel about it one day.

Answer 27

I think it's a great idea!!! It will help you to bond with the baby!

Don't listen to the naysayers. Some people are uncomfortable with anything they don't fully understand (it's the definition of ignorance). I think you are going to be such a great mom, You've already taken steps to make sure your child doesnt miss out on his first, most natural right!!!!

Answer 28

I started to do the same thing, then found out I couldn't because of medication.  I totally wish I could have because of the bonding process.  

It is so odd with my adopted son.  At the position that he would breast feed, he takes his bottle, and won't take hardly any formula at daycare nor from his father.  It is almost like a survivor issue that it is the most normal thing for a child to breastfeed, which it is, and I totally support you for doing this.  

Make sure your baby thrives, because sometimes, milk that is produced by adoptive moms isn't quite as rich as it should be for a newborn.  If you supplement, talk with your doctor about supplementing with a formula that is for premature babies, which has an additional few calories per ounce than normal formula (almost the same ingredients otherwise).  This way, with your milk a little weak, and the supplement, the baby will get the proper nurishment.  They make a special tube for this from the La Leche League.  There should be one in your area.  Purchase it as soon as possible if you need it, that way you don't have to bottle feed, and it makes it more normal for the baby to supplement if needed.

Answer 29

I can't believe someone told you it was child molestation!

no way!!

you are correct...you are mom, and that is one of the best ways you can bond with your baby. i hope you guys have a great experience...don't doubt yourself. You are the mom, you know what's best.