Do you think it's okay for women to willingly choose to have a baby outside of wedlock?

Question

I think if a women gets pregnant out of wedlock, she has every right to parent that child. Even though I adopted a child and ideally think that a child should have a mother and a father, If I would have gotten pregnant before I was married, I would not have given up my child for adoption. I definitely would have chosen to parent. I'm also not trying to be hypocritical because I had s*x before I was married.

There just seems to be a trend these days where women aren't sure if they want to marry a man (or he doesn't want to marry them) but they want to have a baby with him. Do you think this is selfish? Do think it's choosing your wants over what's in the best interest of the child?

Answer 1

I had a child out of wedlock.  She was planned.  We were engaged, but things didn't work out.

I've noticed, though, that a good father will be a good father...it doesn't matter if the parents are married or not.  And, I've known way too many men who are married...but are lousy fathers.  they don't care about their families at all.  It depends on the person, not a piece of paper.

If a woman wants to have a baby, she should.

Answer 2

Lots of things to consider.

I have a friend who is older and unmarried, and she did the artificial insemination thing to have child a few years ago. She is educated, well employed, owns her own home, has good family back-up support---so this was a choice I can fully applaud. Parenthood is such an important thing that nobody should be locked out of it because they were not able to find a marriage partner. That said, there are too many women who have an inflated sense of what they can do on their own, without the appropriate resources, and have a baby they can ill afford to care for, that they are unprepared to parent. My niece is one of them, and most of her girlfriends also are in the same boat. High school drop outs, who didn't "get pregnant out of wedlock," but got knocked up, some intentionally. In some circles being a single mother is a right of passage anymore. Some women are able to do this single mother thing well, some struggle and do a hella good job on their own when it was forced on them through divorce or death or something, but in most cases it's probably not the best way to go, esp. if you have a choice. Not the best in most cases for the child, hard for the mother to do it well on her own, and not good for society overall when children are raised with minimal resources.

So, sure--under the right circumstances, this is not a negative thing, but most often it's not under the right circumstances, in my experience.

Answer 3

my kids are much better off without a drunken drug addicted abusive father ..all 6 of them are doing fine. If he were in the picture , I think they would be very confused and messed up children

Answer 4

Sometimes raising the child as a single parent is what is best for the child.  

If a woman wants to have a baby, let her have one.

Answer 5

Yes I do think it is okay for a woman to have a child out of wedlock. Before I met my husband, I wanted a child without marriage. I would have continued that path if I hadn't met him.

Answer 6

I just want to mention to Amanda B that my parents weren't able to put me through college (but I was) but I don't think that means they shouldn't have had me! THey didn't own a house either at the time of my birth (or for ten years after that...they rented!) Despite all that I had a lovely life...I'm glad they had me even if they didn't meet your standards...college house sheesh...there's plenty of ways to raise a healthy happy smart fun wonderful kid YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SUPER RICH TO DO IT...sorry it really burns me when people say you need to be blah blah blah pay for college blah blah blah. Poor people LOVE and take care of children too and if that happens out of "wedlock" WHO CARES...sorry I'm hormonal.

Answer 7

No, maybe couples will remain together and never get married. The child would still be raised in the same home, there wouldn't be a difference other then a piece of paper.

As well some women or men just don't want to get married or to be with someone and still want children.

It would also be the same for a g*y couple, in some places they still don't have the option to get married but still deserve to have children.

Answer 8

i agree, she shoudl be allowed to have ababy if she is willing to take care of it.

Answer 9

Marriage these days is laughable. The divorce rates are through the roof and increasing every year. I don't see the need to be married in this day and age. In reality its just a piece of paper!! I'm 22 NOT married with 2 kids, a third on the way, a loving and devoted partner. We will get married one day but neither of us see the need to rush it. Its just one big expense which really wont change how we feel about each other, we know we love each other fully. As for women getting pregnant out of wedlock, that is a very old fashioned view, todays un-married and single parents would out weigh those who still believe those ways.

Answer 10

I really don't think what I think matters...it's their choice...I personally think it's fine.  There are tons of single mothers and for that matter fathers raising children.

It's a brave and hard thing to do....and if they are single parents who a truly committed to those children and tackle those struggles, they should be proud and complemented for it.

Answer 11

hmm...we are due with our second child in april and we still arent married...of course its ok to have a baby outside of wedlock. nothing is going to change when we get married as far as our kids our concerned. they get all the love they need either way.

Answer 12

I happen to think people having children out of wedlock  is one of the major problems in America. People seem to be skipping this step and theres is this population of women with baby daddies.  NEWS FLASH PEOPLE. You get married, then you buy a house, then you have the kids. You can bet your *** Im not having your spawn if your not good enough to marry. Further more, if you cant afford to put a child through college in the first place you shouldnt have one. There is this misconception that having children is a right, and it isnt its a privilege. I love my husband and we would love to have a child, but love doesnt pay the bills or put my kid through Harvard and if Im going to bring one into this world they will have the best, and if I cant afford the best, well thats just a disservice.

Answer 13

I think that the woman is entitled to do what she feels is best for herself and the baby. I got pregnant out of wedlock and was 18 but got married and had bub withing months because we choose it that way. I had a best friend who had a baby out of wedlock and went on to have another 2 then 2yrs ago finally got married and her husband kicked her and her 3 kids out because he didn't want the kids or her anymore. So I think if a woman gets pregnant the choice is hers if she wants to raise the child by herself.  :)

Answer 14

what ages are you from? its the normall sad ting now adays for women to get pregnant left right and centre to some men they dont love or they dont even know who the dad is

Answer 15

i think that you should have waited to have s*x after your married otherwise you mom and dad probably wont support you and then you boyfriend will probably leave you alone and then you will probably have to drop out of high school. I think the best thing to do is to give up the kid to a family that can take care of it

Answer 16

Has anyone noticed the divorce rates these days?

Even if you do wait until marriage, what are the guarantees that your marriage will last?  How many single parent families are out there right now, due to divorce?

It's just silly to think that you "have to" wait until marriage in this day and age.  If you are emotionally and financially stable enough to take care of a child, then do it.  It aint 1950 any more.

Answer 17

it's an individual choice...I had my 1st son out of "wedlock" and I don't consider him a problem...I would rather raise my child in a quiet,calm,loving home...then one filled with anger etc..many men change married or not after a child is born...my ex became very jealous of time spent with my son and things got worse...so I left...it's not for me to judge anyone else for their choice...and your comment  to how things should be "ideally" that ideal situation isn't always best...not everyone has a perfect partner...both parents can be an active part in raising a child even if parents are not together

Answer 18

I don't agree with people having babies out of wedlock because I was raised differently BUT that is MY OWN OPINION and unlike other people who think their opinions are the only ones that are right I just want to say that mine is just what I THINK AND FEEL AND RIGHT FOR ME!

Answer 19

QUOTE "Even if you do wait until marriage, what are the guarantees that your marriage will last?" UNQUOTE

And that is the sad thing about society today. Things get a little tough and people just say DIVORCE. People just dont work at their marriages anymore..

Marriage takes commitment and HARD YAKKA..its not just all roses and champagne like the first stages of love and lust and once the kids come and reality sets in people seem to give up far too easily imo

Bit off topic there but I think that its fine for people to have a baby out of *wedlock* as you put it...but only if the couple are committed to each other. Love and respect each other. If its just done for the *sperm* factor then NO I dont agree with that.

A child isnt a pawn, a child should be conceived with want and love from BOTH parents (regardless of marital status!!!)

Answer 20

Firstly you use the term "marry" but marriage isnt for everyone,it doesnt always mean you're not fully commited-maybe a better wording would be "women who arent sure if they intend to try to stay with that man for the rest of their life".

I dont think its selfish as long as the mother can care for that child, give it what it needs etc.  What I feel is selfish is that so many single mothers and couples choose to bring children into the world knowing they cant provide for them and will have to rely on benifits to do that.

Yes, 2 parents is the ideal situation but thats not realistic these days. As long as the child is loved and properly looked after thats the main thing.

Personally I wouldnt willingly choose to have a baby if I was single. I would however adopt as its looking after a child that already exists and needs a parent.

Answer 21

What a nice old fashioned question.  "Wedlock"??? Give me a break, single parents, two parent unmarried, married, g*y, etc. all kinds of families are acceptable if you will love and nurture your child.

I think all peple have children, whether through biology or adopting is  to fulfill our needs, and it is not selfish to procreate.

Still can't believe you used the word Wedlock!

Answer 22

No!

It's a TERRIBLE practice of today, if women are thinking this. You can thank liberal brainwashing and Jaime Spears, or whomever.