Do you think it's possible or absurd?

Question

That talking to a baby in the womb could make a difference in how they feel toward you when you have relinquished them. I know that some are bored with my happy ending story but I can't help but wonder how I got so lucky. Do you think that because I talked to Rachael so much and explained things to her while in the womb it made a difference in her feelings toward my decision? She never resented me, thought there must have been a reason, actually uses the name I would have named her (which she didn't know) and knew we would meet again. I have to admit that sometimes it just seems wierd that we are so in sync.

What are your thoughts?

Answer 1

While I am happy for you that you have found what you call a 'happy ending', (I haven't heard your story, so I'm not tired of it~) I would not say that's because you talked to Rachael while you were pregnant.  Just as someone who didn't talk to their baby while pregnant can have an extreme bond once the baby is born, it just depends- there really is no evidence of maternal stress (unless it's very extreme) or lack thereof having any effect on a baby.  I don't think there is anything odd or absurd about talking to your baby while you're pregnant- I just don't think it bonds you like you're implying.  You guys are just close, that's all.  It's still a great thing, congrats~

Answer 2

I agree with magicpointeshoes, who can really know?  That's a really cool thought, though, and I absolutely think it's possible.  And it's wonderful that you did everything you could for your child while in eutero.

Answer 3

it's absolutely NOT absurd. i spoke (currently speak) to all my children during pregnancy. i especially remember speaking to my son and explaining to him that whatever happens, i also will love him and this is the probably the only time we'd have, alone.

i especially remembered playing the song "get here" by oleta adams while i was pregnant; and reading him books.

not only do i think it helps us bond; i strongly believed it has a tremendous impact on my final adoption plan.

i do believe you speaking to rachael had an impact. that and she shares half or your DNA.

Answer 4

I think its totally why you have such a good relationship now. Babies understand a lot more than we give them credit, even in utero, though they pick up on feelings more than words.

Answer 5

I definitely think it is possible.  When I was a pre-teen I decided to change my name (just a silly phase) and the name I chose was very unusual.  I'd never met anyone with that name, never read a book with a character by that name...even now, I have never run across the name any where.  Just so happens that it is my bmom's name.  When I told this story to a friend, she said:  "Of course you knew that name.  You heard it for 9 months."  Either way, it is an extrememly unlikely coincidence.

I speak two languages on a daily basis.  I swear that my children could tell the difference between the two languages while I was pregnant with them.  They would suddenly become so still when I spoke the "foreign" language.  I demonstrated  for my husband, my girlfriends, my ob-gyn...none of them believed me until they saw it for themselves.  It was not my imagination.

Finally:  in the European country where I lived until just recently it is a widely accepted fact that if a pregnant woman is denied fullfillment of a craving, her baby will have a birthmark, often resembling the thing the mother did not get.  Crave strawberries, but don't get them, your baby will be born with a birthmark that resembles a strawberry.  This belief is so widely accepted, that when you see someone with a birthmark, it is completely acceptable to ask them what their mother wanted but didn't get.  I was born with a big, brown, ugly birthmark in a place not usually covered by clothing.  Many people have asked me what my mother craved during her pregnancy with me.  When I told them I didn't know, an explanation about adoption simply had to follow.  Everyone who heard this said that my birthmark must be related to my adoption.  After searching (only just over a year ago) I discovered that my bmom knew she would relinquish from the very beginning.  I'm not so sure I believe this birthmark theory and others' interpretation of it, but I offer it as an example nonetheless.

I really believe that some messages defy language, rise above simple words.

Answer 6

Well, studies have shown that babies learn their speech patterns in the womb from hearing their mothers speak.  So I guess anything is possible.

I also have an extreme connection to my first mother.  Something I didn't expect at all and to tell you the truth, it actually freaks me out.  We spent those first days in the hospital together (after they finally let her see me) and all I can say is that we definitely bonded.

I don't get it.  I don't understand it.  To tell you the truth, I don't always like it but it's there.

Answer 7

I don't know for sure, really who would?  But, that being said, there is one part to my relinquishment story that brought me an enormous amount of comfort with regards to the grief work.  In one of the few times I could go visit my son in the nursery after he was born, I did get to hold him once and he really didn't settle down for me.  It bothered him that I held him.  Maybe it was because I wasn't allowed to see him almost entire day after he was born, maybe it was because he knew it wasn't meant to be him and I.  Maybe it's a young woman's hopes being transfered on an awkward meeting.  I don't know.  I do know that he didn't mind my father holding him nearly as much as he did when I held him.  But, then his adoptive parents came in and his mom held him.  My son settled right down into absolute contentment.  I knew right then that mostly everything would be okay.  It wasn't ideal way to start life, but with them he would be okay.

Answer 8

I searched for my nmother for 20 years. At the end of my search I had called a few people and heard their voice mail messages. One I heard, I absolutely knew it was my nmother...and it was.

Answer 9

I don't think its absurd at all.  I spoke with both of my daughters during pregnancy.

Answer 10

my nmom and I are very close, we share the same favorite food, colors, songs, and movies, we have alot of the same interests, but I do have some resentment for her leaving me and she did talk to me alot in the womb, but... we're still really close. I missed her alot, i'm happy I found her.

Answer 11

yeah baby, i heard ya! LOL!

what an interesting idea. i know weird things happen. like when i was pregnant with my daughter i craved strawberry ice cream, which i hated before. and when she was born she had this huge strawberry birhtmark on her chest. its gone now, but how weird is that?

well, if i did hear you then thanks for all the explaining. it made the transition easier. love ya for it!

Answer 12

Of course it's possible.  Having good feelings toward your pregnancy and baby reduces the stress hormones your body produces, and that is nothing but good for the baby.

I have it on good authority from several OB's that babies cannot hear anything in the womb, (it's "too noisy") but I have heard this (that the babies remember) from many mothers, whose instincts are far better than any male OB's.

I personally had an immediate close relationship with my mom, even though I was 32 when we first met. (She had not been allowed to see or hold me in the hospital.)

My bio siblings occasionally freak out about how alike we are.

Answer 13

I think a baby remembers I know with my pregnancy I just knew the personallity of him before born. He likes calm soft music to go to sleep to-has since he was in my belly. He would be wild in there using my insides as some kind of gym I would turn on instrumental lullabyes and he would stop almost sudden and be calm for hours. He loves techno and music with a beat to this day. Before he was born he was expsoed to my friends who were in recording and performing arts who were beat boxers and DJ's on a daily basis, he would go wild and kick to the beat now that he is born he has always loved this type of music even 2 years later and I think will be a very good drummer because he taps on a table to the beat of music lol.

There is things I done during pregnancy that are jut not explainable for a newborn to know. He had an automatic draw to a two friends who were always with me 24/7 while pregnant, talking and 'playing' with my stomach.I never seen them after (we were living in a college residence) I left school until about a month ago (2 and half years later), my son was automatically drawn to them, he went up and held their hands and had a long chat and cuddled into them. Although not a shy child it was out of his charachter to do this with a total stranger, especially men. He ignored everyone else except them and cried when he had to go without them.

I think babies pick up so much before they are born and they retain this. Not as a concious retention but unconciously they just 'know'  certain information or people.

I also know two families who have been reunited and the similarities are jsut so uncanny. One mother daughter had actually just started their search for each other that week, it was the daughters birthday adn the mother saw her in a resteraunt with a mutal friend! She called up the friend after asked what her friends name was and if she was ever adopted, well 3 years later you wouldn't be the wiser that the daughter wasn't raised by this woman! They have the same laugh, look, intrests,mannerisms and are never apart. Our family is only the better for her being 'found' that day.

The other is my sister in law who my FIL never even knew about her. She showed up one day over 20 years later and like the other daughter she was just like a missing puzzle piece, she just fit. She looks like him, she has the same intrests she has the same mannerisms etc. They say there was no question when she said "I am your daughter" that she wasn't. He never even had to ask the mothers name, she is just so much like her biological parents.

We haven't simply accepted them we  welcomed them home.

Answer 14

That's not absurd at all!  I would like to recommend a book entitled 'The Secret Life of the Unborn Child'

http://www.earthtym.net/ref-prenatal.htm

I am convinced babes in the womb feel things on a cellular level, which stays with them throughout a lifetime.