Do you think it's reasonable to expect family members to get you a present when you receive a foster child

Question

lf the person got presents for all the babies born in her family (before they were even born, (over $150 on each child), don't you think those people should buy her something. None of them have yet, and she's always paid lots of attention to all their kids!

Answer 1

No I don't think you should get gifts for foster children.  If you adopt, then yes.  A foster family is just a temporary family caring for a child that's family is in crisis.  This in a sense is child care, do you buy gifts for children that you do child care for?  If your friend is a foster parent, chances are she will have several kids in her home at different times and people should not be expected to shower her with gifts each time a child comes to stay with her.  I do however think that foster children like other children should get gifts like birthday, Christmas, etc.

Answer 2

I can see where the family members are coming from if they consider this a temporary situation.  Instead of expecting gifts, I would suggest your friend ask family members for any used baby items they may not need anymore.  This really helped us out when we got our first foster placement.  We were not prepared for an infant and only had about 3 hours notice, so we didn't have anything.  

After our family members met the children and began to care about them, they gave them little gifts.  I would be more upset if they did not give birthday gifts and things like that.  

Best of luck to your friend!

Answer 3

I can see the family point too... If she was adopting the child they would probably be seeing the child as "family" but once the child will be leaving, people tend to "ignore" the child afraid they will get attached and will grieve the loss of the child once the child leaves.

Either way, no one is obligated to give anything to anyone. She got to do it because she wanted to. She cant expect to be gifted. if gifts come, better...

Answer 4

Maybe they're waiting for someone to throw her a shower.

Answer 5

not if they have gotten money before the child was born, but if your are adopting a child you are still bring a child into your family, and they should have a baby shower or give you something for the child

Answer 6

Would be the decent thing to do yes - cann't say where the difference is : a child is a child, fostered or not

Answer 7

If this is your first child then yes I would say so.

Answer 8

I don't think it is common to purchase gifts for a foster child when placed in the family.   The goal of the social worker, and the system, is to reunite the child with his or her birth family.    It is unrealistic to expect extended family members to view the foster child as a permanent addition to the family.

However, if it is the foster child's birthday, or another gift-giving occasion (Christmas, etc.), I think it would be nice for close family members to give the child a comparable gift to those given any other children in the family.  Also, if the foster family ends up adopting the child, her new parents should throw a "happy family day" party and invite the extended family.  At that point, it would certainly be appropriate for friends and family to acknowledge such a happy occasion with a nice gift to the new family member!

Answer 9

it would be nice, but in reality a foster and adoptive are different, a foster is temporally while they find a permanent home and family members aren't going to bond with a child that could be taken at any time. were as adoptive are your kids period you become the parent and are responsible for them forever. you start to to buy gifts, and do thinks and fall in love with this child and its taken and someone is going to get hurt. buying things are a nice thought because she doesn't have much, i don't know the answer it has to many pros and cons.

Answer 10

I don't know that it is reasonable to give gifts when you receive a child - unless you have a really good idea that the child is staying permanantly (I'm assuming you are referring to like a baby shower comparative).  

We threw a big adoption party when our foster children's adoptions finalized.  People brought gifts for the children, we played new family games, etc.

People in your family should treat the foster children like all of the other kids, but to expect a baby shower type celebration each time seams too much to me.

Good luck!

Answer 11

If this is a child you plan to adopt, I would say that yes they should. Someone passing through? Maybe you can talk to your church group and make simple tied fleece blankest to give each child that comes to your house to keep.

With temps you can't expect your family members to spend money on every child, it is NOT reasonable.

I do understand why someone would ask their family to help though. You must have gotten that beautiful heart somewhere to take these poor kids into your home.

Answer 12

no a foster child is a temporary situation. its not like a birth when the baby is becoming a part of the family permanently. now if the child was adopted then that would be a totally different story. she is doing a really good thing and i don't mean to disregard it as not as important.

Answer 13

Absolutely!  l went through a similar thing with SOME of my family members when we began fostering (although over here of course you can adopt).  lf they're not sure about the child moving on, etc, why can't they buy something universal, such as some soft furnishings, a book collection, etc, that can be used by any child!  l think it's rotten of her family to no do this for her when it sounds as if she's done so much for other children in the family.  Regardless of if people think it's "long enough to love a child", your friend obviously feels it is, so they should show her the same support she's shown them!

Answer 14

I don't think people are being intentionally rude but just not thinking that this is a new child entering the family the same as a newborn.  I have to say that it may not have occurred to me if this question had not been posted.  

Thanks for enlightening us!

Maybe a friend could throw a small party to make people aware of the great choices that foster parents make.

Answer 15

I have always treated foster children as a member of the family - which also makes it difficult if they do not stay with the family.

My Godson's family typically has 1-2 foster children living in their home.  I send each one a birthday card and gift, along with holiday gifts also - just as I do my Godson.  It's important to treat them like family - they are kids too!