Do you think it's selfish for someone to not have kids?

Question

'Validation won't come from in Y!A.'

Yeah, I know. I wouldn't make a life altering decision solely based on what people tell me on here, but I just like to know other people's opinions.

Answer 1

I think it is selfish to not have kids.  I also think it is selfish to marry someone who loves and respects you, because it's going to make YOU happy.  It's also selfish to eat the food you buy at the grocery store instead of giving it to the homeless.  It's selfish to live if you could sacrafice your body to save someone else.

Last but not least, it is selfish to not adopt every orphan child in the world.

Answer 2

Of course it's not selfish! What about people who have 6 kids and then have to go on welfare to feed them? I think they are the selfish ones.

Answer 3

I dont think its selfish, alot of people, actually two of my neices dont want kids.  But they also keep in mind that in the future that might change for them. So while not wanting kids is ur UNSELFISH decision , it may change in the future. Who knows, just live ur life the way u want and forget what others say.

Answer 4

No, it is not selfish for someone to forgo having children.  It is extremely selfish, in a world of depleting resources and increasing uncertainty about their future, to bring another human being into the world.  

Every time I hear of someone wanting a child it is always for selfish reasons.  They want a little clone of themselves (an ego trip if ever I heard one) or they want 'someone to love me unconditionally'  (what's wrong with having a dog around then?  And believe me, if you haven't got room in your life for a dog, there is certainly no room for a child).  'I just love being around children'.  Get a job looking after them then, no need to have your own.  And children are not dolls, they're people, little people that grow up into adults.  

So many of those adults have been royally screwed up by their parents, vow to have children, and 'do it right'.

Errr, no.

Come to terms with the fact that your childhood wasn't that great and move on.  Find someone to love and love you back in a healthy relationship that doesn't need to be consoldiated, confirmed or 'validated' by having a child.  

If you both decide you want one, fair enough, but be sure that you have everything ready for that child and be prepared to devote at least 18 years to looking after another person.  You should be able to provide everything they need for ALL of that time.  A lot is said about the joys and 'satisfaction' of having kids, but they are also very hard work, and it's a job with built in redundancy, as part of being a parent is teaching children how to look after themselves.  You do not need children to be satisfied in your life, and if the only way you can feel fulfilled is to have one, yours is a sad life indeed.  

And a selfish one.

http://www.vhemt.org/

Answer 5

i've never really understood how it can be selfish not to have children... it's not like humans are on the verge of extinction or anything.

Answer 6

Selfish?  Absolutely not.  Some people, such as myself, are content making a concious decision not to have children.   I don't want to bring kids into this world, I do not want to be responsible for another life, and I don't want to live my life and make plans around someone else.  You can't hate on someone for simply wanting to live their life.

  It is not anyone's place to tell you to have kids or to call you selfish for not wanting them.  That's ridiculous, they should live their own lives and let the rest of us go on with ours and make our own decisions.

Answer 7

No, we have plenty of kids in the world already.  If you don't think you're the type who could raise them best for whatever reason(s). . . it's not a bad idea to leave it to those more qualified than you.  Or just the people who thought they were more qualified?

Just because you don't have kids, that doesn't mean all that free time you have is spent selfishly.  I don't know about anyone else, but I kind of like volunteering every once in a while.  

Before anyone says that parents often volunteer at least as much as a childless person/couple. . . it's one thing to do it because your trying to support your child and be a part of their outside activities (oh, and you're often their transportation anyway), and quite another to decide you're going to take random things on rather than lounging around the house all day.

Answer 8

Just the opposite, in fact!  Too many people have children for selfish reasons....and too few actually take the time to determine if they really want children for all the right reasons, or if they'd be good parents....

Answer 9

Absolutely not.   It is at this time selfish the other way.  We are becoming over populated & will become an unsustainable species, if anyone thinks that the world has infinite resources they are mistaken & think about what if for future generations if the selfish people over populate the Earth just to prove their own virility & vanity.

Answer 10

I've never had a problem with people who don't want kids.  Some people just aren't cut out to be parents, and some have otehr priorities in their life.  There's nothing wrong with either.  Then there are people like me who don't want children except under ideal circumstances.  For me, I don't want to bring a child into this world if I'm not in a long-term committed relationship with a partner who also wants kids.  I don't want to be a single parent.  If that means I don't have any kids in my life, I'm willing to make that sacrifice.

You know, part of me sometimes wonders if the lack of desire to have children might be a biological response to the world's overpopulation.  The idea certainly has merit...

Answer 11

No its not ! I will never have kids, but how can my choosing my lifestyle be selfish, if I still plan to donate money and take care of others AND myself ?

Answer 12

If you don't want kids, that's one thing.  But if your partner would dearly love one and you are adamant that it's no, then I think selfishness could be part of the equation.  In a situation like that, it must be nearly impossible to make both partners happy. The only solution in that case might be to find a different partner.

Answer 13

Absolutely not. If you dont want kids, you probably dont make the best parent. I am very passionate about the fact that there is limited space and resource on this planet. Humans are expanding at the speed of lightning. I dont care how many crazy religions demand you to procreate, its unrealistic. I think its selfish to HAVE too many kids

Hope that helps

Answer 14

It's not as if you have a moral obligation to breed. My impression is that lots of people have kids because it's expected of them, not because they want them. If they really wanted to be selfless, they could adopt a child from China instead.

Answer 15

Everyone is selfish.  The difference between choosing to have kids or not to have kids is all about what YOU value.  

Those that choose to have them may see kids as a cute accessory, the fulfillment of some imaginary "requirement" to achieve a full life, an antidote to bring a couple closer (gag), pleasing a potential grandparent, etc.  In other countries they become financial security for their parents (hoping one of the ten kids will live long enough to provide for them in their old age).  

Those who choose not to have kids might be acutely aware of the work involved in parenting, don't like the chance they could raise a jerk, or maybe they are just really green and don't want to add another polluter to the planet.  These people don't seem to be motivated by what other people think.  Love that.

So be yourself, be selfish, and don't be afraid to admit it.  It's refreshing.

Answer 16

No, It is selfish to have a kid and abandon it.

and im NOT talking about when a mother gives the baby up for adoption.

Answer 17

I think it's ridiculous to say it's selfish. It's selfish to bring a child into the world if you don't really want it. It's selfish to have your own child when there are orphans, just because they want a child that looks like them.

My hubby and I don't want kids, and I think in this day and age where we are more hedonistic - we have access to new oppertunities, we don't have to have kids to be happy.

I think there are some people that still think people that don't want kids are unnatural, but they shouldn't judge anyone else.

Answer 18

Absolutely not. It's selfish of them to tell you how to live your life, and it would definitely be selfish for someone to have kids for any reason but purely wanting them.

Answer 19

No.  The selfishness form those, who want and already have kids; take their opinion and constantly barrage those who don't with it.

Answer 20

Why would it be selfish? After all, you are the one who pays the taxes which enable the ones with large families getting all kinds of benefits, welfare etc.

Answer 21

No.  It's hard raising a kid, and hey if you don't want to deal with that burden..I understand that.

I know some people that purposely don't want kids because they're terrified of being bad parents and ruining that kid's life.

Answer 22

You are not passing your genes onward. You are paying the ultimate price.

Answer 23

no ... its a personal choice....

it could be seen as selfish even if you do have kids...it depends on the motives... and other factors...like if there's another person involved

Answer 24

No, it is selfish to not want them and then have them.  It is completely unfair to the children and yourself.  Children of parents who do not want them will never live to be fully accepted by the very people that should accept them unconditionally.

Though as a teacher, the more people that have kids the great job security I have....it also make classroom management a pain in the yak because unwanted children are usually treated very poorly and as a result have many behavior issues.  *step off soap box*

Answer 25

No, it's not.  Not everyone was meant to have kids, and many of us know we wouldn't be good at parenting.  I knew when I was 15 that I didn't want kids, and I have never regretted the decision.  

The ones who tell you you are selfish are just jealous of your child-free life.  The late advice columnist Ann Landers asked her considerable readership if the parents among them, given the chance, would have kids again - and 80% of her readership said NO!  It wasn't a scientific survey by any means, but Ann was stunned nevertheless.  Best of luck to you.

Answer 26

of course not! I think it´s all up to you...You´re not selfish, maybe you just don´t like kids...Everyone is free, and if you really don´t want children, you´re not selfish because of that.

Answer 27

I think it is a huge personal decision.  If you do not want kids then don't have them.  It is not selfish at all.  It is worse to have kids for the wrong reasons.  Children know when they are wanted or not.  My mother did not want kids and told us so! Her actions were also indicative of her disinterest in having children.  Don't let people bully you into having children.

Answer 28

NOT AT ALL.

You are not put on the Earth to have children just because you have a womb.

Answer 29

It's entirely up to you as to what you want. Validation won't come from in Y!A.

EDIT - I know. I'm sorry - that was a rather callous remark, eh?

Sorry - I guess I was up too early to answer.

I don't think it's selfish at all to not want kids. It's not for everyone, and those who do have kids usually don't know what to do with them anyway! :)

Answer 30

Over in parenting you have 12-17 year olds having babies to get out of going to school.   The most selfish thing you can do is to have a child because someone else wants you to.    You have to be emotionally ready to put that child first for the next 20 years.  The financial cost is massive.

Answer 31

No, I don't think it's selfish.  People generally have children because they want them, not out of unselfishness.

Nowadays, of course, having children might be seen as more altruistic than it was in the past, because in past times children were generally expected to make themselves useful and contribute to the family income as soon as they were old enough, whereas nowadays they are more or less expected to be idle until they are grown up, and cost a lot more to support.  However, I still think that most people have children because they feel a desire to have children, and if you don't have that desire, then there is no point in having them.