Do you think it's wrong to buy a dress before your engaged?

Question

I found the perfect dress and i am so in love with it. I don't want it to be discontinued before i get married. By the way I am in a relationship, lol. My bf and i have been together 4 1/2 years, we have an engagement ring but he just hasn't given it to me yet (apparently it needs to be warm). There is no chance of a break up or anything. We probably wont be looking at getting married until 2010/2011 and we're buying a house next year.

It's the perfect dress, the perfect price (only $990). It's exactly what I've been looking for ever since we started talking about a wedding.

Here is the link if you would like to look: http://www.jasminebridal.com/html/en/web...

My mum tells me it's stupid, Mother in law to be tells me to wait because it might go out of fashion, Boyfriend is giving me his credit card details, sister in law to be tells me to do what i want...I don't know! All opinions are welcomed!

Answer 1

Do I think it's wrong? No.

Weird? Yes.

Also, 2010/2011 are both pretty far away, who knows what you'll think of this "perfect" dress by then?

Plus, your dress plays into alot of other elements of the wedding and I doubt you have all those things already decided now, things like formality, size, location, date/time of year, bridesmaid dresses, etc. etc. etc.

So basically, I say wait. Get the ring, and then start shopping in 2009.

Answer 2

buy it girl!

rofl.

who cares if it becomes wack?

if you don't like it when you're about to get married, return it ;)

Answer 3

Sorry, but your link doesn't work. I think that by buying a dress or even looking for dresses is putting the cart before the horse. Tell him that you are ready to think about marriage and are waiting for a proposal. Several years from now, you could change shape or choose to go with something else. here is what I reccomend. Print out all the pictures you can of that dress. Put them away in a folder somewhere and tell yourself you are not going to thing about your wedding until you are officially engage and a date is set. Instead, talk to him about your future. You will know by his response how he feels. Don't bring it up too often, though. This is something esle to consider, something a marriage counselor will bring up if you have pre-wedding couseling: Why do you want to marry this man? What qualities does he have the you admire? What stuggles have you had in your relationship? How will you handle them now and when you are married?

Answer 4

I would wait. For two reasons:

1) You will miss the chance to go out with your girlfriends (and your new engagement ring) and try on a bunch of dresses and have the sales ladies fawn all over you and your ring.  It really is an amazing experience to go "just engaged" dress shopping.  I'm having my dress made and I still did it with my sisters a few weeks after I got engaged.  It was great!

If you buy it now you will just get funny looks from sales people and you will feel awful about the experience.

2) You will probably change your mind on what your "Dream dress" is by 2011.  Seriously.  Even a few months before I got engaged I had been saving pictures of dresses I liked.  After I went and tried a few on I looked through the pictures I had and was like "what was I thinking?"  Now I'm having my mom make mine, and it's completely different that what I would have thought was my "dream dress" a few months before it was official, but I am in LOVE with the dress I've designed.

A bonus reason: My fiance's parents went to a wedding in the Fall of a couple that the girl was a total bridezilla and had bought her dress before the proposal, and that's all people could talk about.  There is a stigma to it, that you just don't want surrounding the most special dress purchase you will ever make.  It will seem like you are putting so much pressure on it, and in 3 years, you will probably want something else anyway.  

I would wait and savour the whole "just engaged" dress shopping experience. You will never feel so pampered or more like a princess that on the first day you go to a bridal store with your new ring.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

I saw my sister buy a wedding dress way early and you know what happened?  It was never worn and eventually taken to a consignment shop.  As it turned out she wore a simple skirt and blouse when she got married in a simple wedding with only the preacher and her parents attending.  Your tastes and size may change in the next few years.  I say wait and later on you will find the right dress again and it probably won't look like the one you are eyeing now.

Answer 6

No offence but by 2011, you might be to big for it. You grow in both ways as you get older.

Answer 7

the person who i think has the most important opinion here is ur bf! he's the one marrying u. if he says go ahead then u should definitly go a head! dont listen to noone else nomatter wat they said besides ur the one getting marryied and is gonna use it so if u like it buy it....

Answer 8

i Dont think so. You know that someday soon your going to be ingaged. But he might be a little werided by it. But if you super like it id go for it cuz you might not be able to find one you like as much.

Answer 9

Well even if it does go out of fashion I'm sure there's something you can do by the time you get married to make it "cool" again lol.

No, it's not wrong but it just kinda seems like you already know exactly what's going to happen with this when something could happen to make this whole thing a disaster ya know?

But if you wanna buy the dress go ahead lol.

Answer 10

Where do you live that it's not warm in August? I don't think there's a problem with it. If you don't want him to know you got it, hide it.

Answer 11

You will most likly change your mind in two to three years. They are right, styles do change and your style may change. I would wait. Also you can never be sure what size you will be in 2-3 years so you dont want to buy a dress and then have to have costly altrations just to make it fit.  

Answer 12

three years is a long time to save a dress before ever wearing it

it may not even fit exactly the same in three years.... so you might want to buy it a little large, you can always have it made smaller ... not larger

you could find another one that you like even better before then

also, i don't know how 'proper' that really is, if anyone cares about that in your circle of family and friends whose opinion you may value.... sometimes Grandma's can get kind of offended by things that are not proper ;+)

Answer 13

I would definitely buy it. Put it away until the time comes when you are planning your wedding. Heck, you'll already have one of the major expenses bought and paid for!

I would be like you and be afraid that it may become discontinued.

If you look back in history, little girls use to start collecting things for their 'home' when they became a bride. They'd keep it in what was called a 'hope chest'.

If it's your dream gown, buy it!!

Answer 14

you should really wait my cousin tried to do the same thing and she was wearing a way out of style dress please,please wait

Answer 15

If he knows about, go for it. If not, it might scare him lol I would personally wait though. I found so many beautiful dresses before I was married and when it came time to buy the dress, I didn't like those anymore lol

Answer 16

I think you should wait until next year!

Because you may find something else, that looks better :)

Answer 17

I would wait.  I am wondering why he wouldn't give you the engagement ring if you have been together that long and he has bought the ring.  IT sounds like he is either having doubts or he is making you wait as a means of controling you.  Either way, you should wait.

Answer 18

Your wedding dress is supposed to be timeless. So if it may go out of fashion before 2011, then you really don't want that dress in your photos which are forever. You'll cringe every time you see them!

Personally, I think you should wait because it's so much fun when you can take your mom shopping and try it on for her with all the accessories. My mom cried! But if you found the perfect dress, then you don't really need to go shopping. If your really sure this is the one, then get it. I'm ALMOST POSITIVE that you'll still be able to purchase the dress from the manufacture in a couple years. Get the style number and hold on to it till your ready.

Answer 19

The link wouldn't show the gown you are talking about but if it's white make sure it's sealed because it will yellow with age and then you won't be able to wear it, and other than that as long as you are the same size it will be ok.  good luck!

Answer 20

If you are that confedent,that you two will marry and you really love the dress,go a head, but if you do buy the dress stop looking at other dresses , because you will find sometheing you like better. Also where are you planing on keeping this dress so it doesn't yellow or not smell fresh and new? If you keep it at home it will pick up the smells of your house?

Answer 21

What strikes me as odd is that your bf has a ring already (and you know about it????) but you can't have it. Whats 3 years waiting to propose going to do?

You buying the dress even though he said it was okay seems to be putting a little pressure on him. He doesn't seem ready at all.  Why can't you have the ring then get married later?

Because your relationship seems so "picture perfect" it makes me think that something isn't right. And that thing thats not right might be how your treating him.

You have the house, the ring, "no chance of a break up" (can you really predict the future), almost 5 years under your belt, the date of getting married, but your not married?

Its not wrong to buy the dress but every bride that I know thats done this is a "bridezilla" and has caused their soon to be husband a lot of pain, pressure, and of course control.

THE PERSON ABOVE ME DESERVES BEST ANSWER BECAUSE SHE REALLY SAID IT ALL!!!!

Answer 22

maybe you should wait until you start planning your wedding, because who knows you might find something you like better than that one.

but it's all up to you.

Answer 23

Its a really pretty dress

but its not wrong but

you should wait because you dont

know if your going to change your weight anytime

soon.

-Cassie(:

Answer 24

You sound like your relationship is pretty stable, but your mother in law might have a point.  It really is your decision. ( I'd hate to have a $1000 dress hanging in my closet if down the road I changed my mind or things went south with the boyfriend.)  good luck.  follow your heart.

Answer 25

I wouldn't say it's wrong, no. I think it's a bit irresponsible though. To spend money (990 dollars is a lot of money, even if it's a good deal for a wedding dress you like, to spend on something like someone said, cart before the horse.)

Sure, you have been together for over 4 years, and sure you have an engagement ring already but things happen. Nobody can guarantee 'no chances' - Or the dress style thing. In a year you might find something you like more that hasn't been created yet. So many other things could happen, I couldn't even list them as they haven't happened.

Someone said weight gain is a possibility. Who knows, right? It's possible to take in most dresses (some alterations may look funny on different styles of dresses), but it's pretty hard if not impossible to let a dress out.

2 or 3 years is a long time to hedge a bet on a 1000 dollar investment.

Have you guys talked about wedding theme? Colours? Venue? Budget? When you start wrapping your heads and hearts around what you want your wedding to look like, within a budget of course, you may change your mind about the dress- it all sort of fits into a picture, you know? Or you decide down the road you don't want a big wedding and go elope or in front of a JP and the dress is too fancy. You said you're going to buy a house next year. You haven't spent that money yet either. Who knows what your budget for wedding will be like. You may spend more on the house than you had planned. I'm just hypothesizing of course. Not saying any of this will happen or could happen, and not saying other things can't happen. But it's not safe to assume so adamantly that this dress will be used in 3 years etc etc.

One of my main reasons for hypothesizing so much: You seem quite adamant that there is no chance of a breakup. And yet a realistic person would never say never.

Also, '(apparently it needs to be warm)' - you have me at a loss there. Why does an engagement ring have to be warm? And warm how? Heat it up in an oven? You know about the engagement ring but he hasn't proposed? I've never heard of anyone hanging onto an engagement ring and not actually proposing. Even if he's giving you his credit card details. Even he can't guarantee what will be in 3 years so his thumbs up is not making it any more sound a financial decision. That's just too red-flaggish for me.

There are no guarantees about anything in life. There is even no guarantee that the dress you're seeing is discontinued in 3 years. If you're really thinking about it, you can always take pictures of the dress from different angles, get the details of it so that in 3 years, let's say you haven't found another dress you love, and you're actually engaged, then you can look into having it made.