Do you think it matters the race of a child and the race of the adoption parents?

Question

I ask this becuase apparently,my aunt thinks it's not right for a black child to be adopted out to white parents. She says they won't learn their heritage. I think that's BS.

As long as a child has love then what difference does it make?

Isnt she helping divide races by saying they shouldnt be adopted out to two loving people?

Answer 1

Where it takes love it also takes a lot more than that when it comes to adopting outside of one's ethnicity.  They need to be prepared to face prejudice & hate. Not only that they need to do a lot of research and realize that they personally will not know what their child is going through, should that child face racism or prejudice, not just because they're adopted but also because of the color of their skin.  

The only thing they can do is really try to teach their child to be proud of who they are & learn about their culture/ethnicity.  It's definitely possible for it to work out but at the same time people go into it not realizing the work & struggle it can be. That's not fair to the child.  If a loving afamily is willing to learn, take on the heat & help guide that child then by all means no, that shouldn't be a reason to stop them from adopting outside their race.  It can work out just like our family.

Answer 2

The only thing that matters is a loving home for a child and nice parents

Answer 3

its like a boy or girl they will take a girl faster and thats not right becouse these are lifes

Answer 4

I believe your aunt is completely WRONG. however I didn't feel as strongly about it until I adopted three african american children into my bland white family.

A child desires and deserves a loving home, regardless of race. These girls are going to grow up knowing ALL about their heritage not because of my color (or lack thereof) but because I am going out of my way to show them ALL about ALL races. Right now we are studying about Japan, we celebrated Chinese New Year and we will celebrate Cino De Mayo. In fact, I dedicated a large portion of my extensive website to trans racial and multicultural adoption.

http://www.adoptive-parenting.com/race-a...

Answer 5

It may not matter to the adopters but it might matter a whole lot to the adoptee

Answer 6

She has an interesting point. However, more important is that the child IS adopted. A person can always take time to learn about their ancestry. Assuming the parents in this situation would not hide the fact the child was adopted, they will be open to learn all they want. But what if a German couple for example adopts an Irish child, or some other combination of white and white? Do those parents ever tell their child they were adopted? If not that child will certainly not learn about their ancestry.

Anyone willing to go through the process, and make the commitment to adopt a child is the most important issue. They are showing they are responsible and caring enough to love and raise the child. This is true for homosexual couples as well. Compared to a couple that "oops" found they are having a baby. Not that they would not be fine parents.

As we go along the races are mixing more all the time. Our ancestry is irrelevant to the rest of the world, it's only important to ourselves, for tradition and a sense of belonging.

I'm proud of my heritage, but I have far more important things to worry about.

Answer 7

You are right when you say it shouldn't matter. Look at Angelina Jolie and Madonna, I'm sure they won't let their adoptive children not know their heritage. That's baloney and it's the "old way" of thinking. You should be able to adopt any race and give them the best loving home possible.

Answer 8

It all depends.it is easy enough to say "Love is all that matters" but it is not always the case.i am mixed race,and adopted into a Caucasian family.as loving as they are,i always felt the "odd one out". my hair,which is very curly/frizzy was a big mess,and my skin  was always dry.i was raised in a community where i was the only ethnic minority person,and i got bullied for it,in high school.i was also really shy,which did not help.

My aparent's always referred to me as "Black" which,in fact,was wrong as i was born from a white person.i now always refer to myself as "mixed race". don't get me wrong,my family are wonderful people,but i don't feel they handled the situation too well.maybe it was because of the time(i was a child in the 70's) but looking back,it really would have helped me to learn about my heritage,and have the opportunity to mix with people who looked like me.maybe things are done differently these days,but it was tough for me.Love is just not enough ,even though it may seem so.

edit too add; my amother did not realise i had to use different hair products to my siblings,and as a result my hair was always dry ,and matted!

Answer 9

I kind of agree with your aunt, that heritage DOES matter, ever so much.  If a black  child is for adoption they should always look for a cultural match for the benefit of the child.  If one cannot be found then they can look outside that culture, BUT the a-parents must be open to learning the child's culture and ingraining it as part of their own.  Anything else is ASSIMILATION

Answer 10

Our world works in srange ways. I absolutely agree with you and there's no question that in an ideal world, giving a child a loving home is about all that matters. I am caucasian and I adopted a child of mix race. I did it because I wanted a baby and I never considered his race at all. He is now 12 years old and I have loved him always and enormously. He is growing up in a world of almost primarily white people. I am conscious that he needs to learn about his heritage and I know he needs roll models that look like he does. I know that someday he may choose to surround himself with people who don't look at all like me, and that is understandable and perfectly fine. I just hope he is secure enough to make that choice freely and not because he feels he has to out of fear or prejudice or longing to belong.

Your aunt is feeling protective of her culture. Most people absolutely feel that way and it is generally considered a perfectly acceptable way to view the world. If I am to feel protective of my culture, I would insist on raising my son as a member of my culture -- and "use" him to add to my own culture. I would rather see him as someone who can help to transcend the whole notion that we all are separated by races and cultures and religions. But a lot of people are not the least bit interested in bringing people together in that way -- they are afraid of losing themselves that way. We are at the place where we are being taught to tolerate each other's differences -- that's about as far as most people are even willing to see it. It would be so much better if we could learn to embrace each other's differences and see that all cultures are legitimate and can offer us wonders and joys.

Answer 11

I think it is important that parents who adopt interracially help their child learn about/experience their cultures.. a child should be able to feel proud of all parts of their heritage

I asked t his question myself not too long ago, from the standpont of:  adoptees already have so many issues to face, does growing up with parents of a diff race make it even  harder for them to feel "part of the family".. it's definitely something to consider,  but I don't think interracial adoption is a bad thing..

Answer 12

Well, I sure hope it doesn't matter.  I've got one East Indian daughter and one First Nations (American Indian) daughter and both my wife and I are as white as they come.

Both of my daughters are very in touch with their heritage and through them both my wife and I (and our biological daughter) are now more in touch with their heritage as well.  It's been a win/win situation.

I know some people have prejudices against inter racial adoptions in the same way they have against inter racial dating/marriage.  I sure hope this is not the case although I don't know your aunt at all and can't judge.

Answer 13

It may not matter too much for the parents, but the child will probably feel the differences, as he/she becomes older and interacts with other children and their parents.  Ultimately, if raised with honesty and understanding and unconditional love, the child will grow strong and be able to handle the diversity of opinions he/she will encounter whether positive or negative.

Answer 14

Honey, EVERYTHING matters in adoption.  It's not a prejudice issue.  It's adoption reality.  Adoptees feel different enough as it is.  Looking different from their parents just makes it more obvious.  I'm not saying that it's wrong.  I'm just saying that the child needs to be considered.  My children look as much like their cousins as possible.  If you lined them all up, you'd have a lot of trouble figuring out which 2 are mine, and adopted.  But, never doubt for one second that they forget that they are adopted.  They are loved and accepted by everyone in our family, and they love their cousins and aunts and uncles.  But it is never far from their minds and hearts that somewhere out there they have biological parents.  I am learning more and more to think from their point of view.  We adoptive parents think of our adopted kids as just our kids, period.  So, it's easy to assume that they feel the same way.  I am learning so much from my 15-year-old daughter as she comes to terms with who she is.

Answer 15

I have always been a bit funny about this. I agree with what heather has said.

I think adopting from a different country could disrupt culture and add to race issues.

I think adopting from a different race in your own counrty, is totally different and may not be as higgledy piggledy.

Not sure.

Answer 16

There are very specific issues with transracial adoption.  Race does matter to our society and it matters to the individual.  A black child will experience racism in a way that his/her Caucasian parents never will.  It's important that adoptive parents wrap their minds around this concept.  Additionally, race is a huge part of one's identity, especially important to a child being raised by parents of a different race.  

Parents adopting transracially need to be aware of these important issues and meet the needs of the child.  Positive adult role models of the child's race should be provided.  The adoptive parents should also be educated on the care of healthy skin/hair (it's NOT the same as caucasian skin/hair!)  

A great exercise for Caucasian parents considering transracial adoption is to go somewhere that THEY are the only one of their race in the room.  It's an odd feeling!  But it gives you a sense of empathy.

So, to answer the question. Yes,race matters.  But yes, caucasian parents can adopt and raise healthy, secure children of another race if they take the proper steps to ensure a positive ethnic identity and pride.

ETA: A couple of book suggestions: "Inside Transracial Adoption" and "In Their Own Voices".  Both are great reads.

Answer 17

I dont think it matters at all. LOVE is number one above all things. Look at all the familys in this world that are all of the same race, but the kids dont get the love or the care that they need. I bet their heritage is the least of their worries. Do what you need to do, and dont worry about what your aunt thinks. I comend you for adopting a child, and she should do the same.

Answer 18

I don't really agree with your Aunt.

I was born in Guatemala. My parents have been in my life since I was 3 months. I was adopted when I was two and a half to a white family.

I don't feel strange at all and I am so blessed to have my parents,

It really breaks my heart that people today still see race rather than the person.

Answer 19

You are right, it matters very  little. So many other factors are much more important. Your aunt needs a better perspective and not look for little flaws that don't matter.

Answer 20

If you adopt a child of another race it will be important for you to keep them in touch with their heritage and expose them to people of the same race.

It's important for transracial adoptees to have role models of the same race.

As the future mother to a Chinese child I have already begun to look into programs and events that will celebrate their Chinese heritage that they can be a part of.