Do you think it would be sensible for?

Question

A couple (both 20) to adopt a child over the age of ten?

We both have experience in parenting as we had a three-year-old son who passed away and I was the legal guardian of my fourteen-year-old sister since I turned 18. So would you think adopting a child over 10 would be a good idea? What could the downfalls be?

Answer 1

i really hope this doesn't put you off but my brother in laws parents adopted a young boy 2 weeks before his 11th birthday. they met the boy months before it was all finalised and he was a sweet, caring, loving young boy. however the 3rd night they had him in their home the mother woke up in the middle of the night with a knife at her throat. she tried to run from the little boy and he ended up pushing her down the stairs. she was serverly injured and the boy threw the knife at her, ( luckily that was all he did). while i think it is really great that you want to do this, i suggest you try foster care first and see how you go with that. that way you can help more children and come to know them more thouroughly before you go through the adoptive process.

Answer 2

Adoption is incredibly expensive and although you have taken on the responsibility of being parents already, I would say take a break and enjoy your youth. You are plenty young to try for children of your own again when the time is right.  

Answer 3

I answered your other question your dedication for your son Nathan and it unbelievable touched me, so I took a look at you profile and surprised to find you are still only twenty and yet have suffered and overcome so much, so I personally think, given what I've read so far about you that you would be an ideal person to adopt a child and the child would benefit enormously from your influence, there's always downsides to having children but feel sure you would be able to work through them as they presented themselves. All the very best to you.

Answer 4

Please examine your conscience about why you want to do this.

If you even think "There is a child out there who needs me," then you are approaching this the wrong way. Children resent being "saved." Read The Primal Wound if you haven't already.

Adoption is a loss for affected children, no matter what age they enter their "forever families." This makes parenting different from the majority of parenting experiences. Until you grasp that concept, wait to adopt... for the child's sake AND yours.

Ageism is a *****, but you need to hear it: There is a lot of life between ages 20 and 30. These experiences will only better enable you to commit to this type of family commitment. I understand that losing a child eventually yields tremendous clarity and sometimes great faith and hope, but please be careful not to over-credit your maturity. There is a reason that many agencies have age requirements.

Answer 5

I think it's admirable that you're willing to adopt an older child, but I think there are laws stating that you have to be a certain number of years older than the child you're adopting. So ten years is probably not enough.  

Answer 6

Typically, for a non-kinship adoption, the parents must be 15 years older than the child, at minimum.  

There are exceptions made for adults getting custody of their minor sibling, like in your situation.  But generally, the 15 year minimum age difference is a requirement.

Answer 7

NO. Take some time to grieve your loss.

Answer 8

The downside may be dealing with personality issues, and also all the anger issues the 10 yr. old may be playing out. The 10 year old may also be very untrusting, and it will take a lot of patience, love and perseverance on your part to build it. There will also be a lot of testing of boundaries. But if you feel that you are up to the challenge, than do it. The pay off will be great. Once the most difficult of hurdles will be passed. Be ready also to deal with "you're not my real mom and dad anyway, so I don't have to listen to you" attitude, when that surfaces if it ever does, you can respond with "no, We're not your real, biological parents, but we loved you so much, that we wanted you to be a part of our lives, and our decision to..... is only because we love you and want the best for you.

Another tip would be to check out the best play therapist in your surrounding neighborhood, to work with the child, they have the know how to figure out through their work what the underlying sources of frustrations are of the kids they're working with, and will advise you how to best interact with the child, so that everyone benefits.

You have my deepest admiration and respect for wanting to take on this challenge. If you feel you're truly ready for it, then go for it!!

Answer 9

Firstly, you'd need to check the laws in your state.  In my state, the adopting person(s) must be at least 10 years older than the person to be adopted.

Answer 10

Although what your doing is great and really is helping the world,I hear that its like a law that you have to be 15 years older than the child you are adopting sorry...