Do you think its necessary to tell a potential spouse/partner that you have a learning disability?

Question

Have any of you told your spouses about having a learning disablity.

Answer 1

Definitely....total disclosure and truthfulness is the key to a great marriage. Maybe your partner is not telling you who they are really eating lunch with everyday.....that would be different...right.....no....wrong. Always tell the truth and the whole truth and remember.....omission is not the truth.

Answer 2

YES!!! That would be grounds for divorce!  I would want to know if my kids were going to potentially be learning disabled.  That would be terribly unfair to let it be a surprise when your kids pop up LD.

Answer 3

Yes ,

Yes,

and he has helped me all the way!!!

Answer 4

If they don't notice, why bring it up.  If they notice and don't mention it, what does that say?

Answer 5

of course you should tell them

if that was you wouldn't you want to know

Answer 6

If you trust them enough to be married to them, they should know.

Answer 7

Why wouldn't you tell your partner? It's nothing to be ashamed of and if this person is truly meant for you, they'll understand and be supportive. Secrets are not usually a good thing in a relationship.

Answer 8

I think so.  Only because there are situations where I might need support, and that's what a spouse is for.  I would also want to tell since any children may also have a learning disability, and thus it will become an issue later, if not sooner.

Answer 9

Yes! tell them. Both me & my wife have Dyslexia.  We did'nt have to tell each other.  We both know the quirks of a Dyslexic person.

Answer 10

yes you should. you shouldnt be afraid if you have a learing disability. if they love you they wouldnt care at all.

Answer 11

First of all, having some kind of LD is not a horrible contagious disease OR a deep, dark flaw you have to consider hiding!  It's just part of who you are!  I'm so sorry that somewhere along the line you got the impression that there is something wrong with you.  You are perfectly fine--your brain is just wired a little differently than most, but it's not a bad thing.  

If you don't know how to start the conversation, just talk with him or her about if they liked or hated school--or any of a number of conversations that eventually happen between two friends or partners.

This is no more deep and dark a secret than liking vanilla ice cream over chocolate or being allergic to peanuts--it's something important for those who love you to know, but nothing that will change how they feel.

Answer 12

I have never been in this situation...but I think that the partner should know and be told by the person with a disability rather than finding out by default......by hiding the fact is  not trusting your partner enough to be understanding....and I would assume they would want to help.....(hope That makes sense)

millions of people these days have learning disabilities so it is nothing to be ashamed of.....

Answer 13

Absolutely. Like others have said, if you end up being in a long term relationship with them, you should definitely let them know. If you do get married, the secret WILL come up and it will have to be known. And they will be supportive. So tell them before !!!!

Answer 14

u should tell them, they'll probably value ur honesty and support you.

Answer 15

Maybe not right away. But if you see it being long term then yes, after a while.  It would help them understand when you have a problem with things.  Other wise they may get frustrated with you because they don't understand why you are not getting it.

Answer 16

I married a man 26 years ago who miraculously survived a fall off a 175 ft cliff as a child.  In those days he was not identified as having traumatic head injury and all that went along with that.  For years I struggled as his wife understanding why he did the things he did.  He was in and out of jobs, he had a hard time recalling conversations we had, et.

I thought for the longest time that it was just a "man" thing.  Finally, this last year after suffering at least 6 job losses in the past 6 years, he sought help--not really knowing what was wrong, but knowing something was.  We found a THI group who gave us the name of a good doctor.  That doctor examined him and told him that not only had part of his brain stopped growing after his accident, but he also had a severe oral language processing disability.  We began bioneurofeedback and his brain has been restimulated and balanced in ways we thought not possible before!

Just knowing about his LD's , turned him around from feeling like a failure to feeling like a huuuuge survivor.  It also helped me as his wife to be more understanding of the trials he had gone through.  We started celebrating his amazing successes rather than his failures.  Do you know that he got a Masters, an ED.D., and Ph.D. before knowing this, was a teacher for several years without knowing this; etc.

I guess my point is, I think anyone who is going to live with you and who is going to be your intimate friend should be willing to carry your LD burden with you.  You really do not want to be connected to someone who you don't feel you can share this part of your life with, do you?   Don't be shy and don't hide.  You have skills and talents and coping techniques you've learned to balance your inabilities.  

Learn a lesson from us and share the whole you with the person you love!

Answer 17

Why would you marry someone not knowing if they consider LD grounds for divorce?  If you're afraid of losing them if they find out, that fear will be there until they do find out.  It's better not to waste time and emotional energy on someone who would leave you over LD.