Do you think its ok for a single dad to allow his 5 and 7 yr old girls to get in bed with him? He still bathes

Question

them too. The girls are very overly affectionate to him. To the point of climbing on him and kissing him in public. There just seems to be no boundaries there. The father was accused of sexually molesting the oldest girl when she was younger, but denies it. What are your thoughts???

Answer 1

Uh, Having small children climb on you and kiss you is normal. It would be abnormal if they weren't. What you describe is normal affectionate parent-child relationship.

Answer 2

It depends on whether he's really a pedophile or not...The normal parent would never think of such things, so they may just be loving!

Answer 3

Because of the accusation I say no. No smoke without a fire. The girls are too old to be acting like that anyway. He sound like a bit of a weirdo to think it's ok. He must be aware of all the stories in the news so aware of what other people who witness this will be thinking.

Answer 4

Their is nothing wrong with dads cuddling with their daughters as long as their are limits. As long as he isn't touching them inappropriately or doing anything sexual with them around it is alright. Being close to a father is a good thing because it will last until they are older and will make parenting easier.

Answer 5

He's their father, not some strange man. Would you care if it was a single mother and her 5 and 7 year old sons? No, I don't think you would.

However when you bring the alligations bit into it then I think it changes it a lot.

Answer 6

my though of this situation is that he needs to get a woman and no man should ever have a 7 yr old ...in the bed!

Answer 7

Well I am a single mom and I no longer bath my child at that age. But I do sleep with her sometimes. My son I probably won't sleep with till this age. I would just caution you in your judgment though... are you making this judgment because it is a dad? Would you make the same judgment about a single mom and her son?

To me it does seem off and makes me uncomfortable. But on the other hand, just because I don't understand something, that does not just make it wrong.

Answer 8

if the rumors were true then no, but if he is just a loving daddy like my partner is with my kids then there is nothing wrong with it. My daughter is soon to be 5, she will bath with her daddy, cuddle up next to him on the bed and fall asleep. There is nothing wrong with this. We have already discussed what age we would find in inappropriate for her to see him naked, as well as my son seeing me naked.

An affectionate father should not be looked upon badly as I love seeing a daddy giving his kids kisses and cuddles. But as I said, if the rumors of him are true, then something should be done.

Answer 9

Yes of course it's ok - I'm happy to let my husband bathe my daughters.  What do you mean no boundaries?  It's a sad day when a father can't be affectionate to his children.

There is a huge difference between normal fatherly love and sexual abuse.

Answer 10

there's nothing wrong with the cuddling and kissing its what children do to show their affection and maybe they all bath together because its easier its sounds abit dodgy with the 7 years old in the bath but if they are doing it as a family it might be okay

Answer 11

It is very sad, for both girls.  No, this is not normal or healthy parenting.  Understandably as the primary cargiver for them, the younger child especially may still need help getting her hair clean in the shower, but over all she should be on her own with dressing and bathing.  By 5 and 7 they should have the skills and cognitive ability to wash, rinse, and dress on their own.  He especially should not be bathing WITH them.  It's one thing to relax on the bed, fully clothed or jammied and watch a movie; my entire family sometimes end up in our room watching a movie all in one bed.  But to sleep together in one bed, even if he's allowing it because the girls are feeling scared or insecure, isn't healthy.  They need to be encouraged to be independent despite their parents' separation, and this can be done without leaving them scared to death at night or feeling insecure.  Being affectionate with a parent isn't the problem, if it's genuine, though I think there needs to be some physical boundaries and rules.  My husband won't let our 2 year old climb all over him and play wrestle if she isn't wearing a diaper; and that's as it should be.  

If they're genuinely being affectionate with their dad, as opposed to seeming like they might be trying to appease him in some way or be forced into it (some parents really get aggressive about making their kids hug and kiss them), then my thought is that they probably aren't being molested.  I was molested as a child by someone close to me and I did not want to have any physical contact with that person in anyway if I could at all avoid it.  I don't know, however, enough about the psychology of molestation to know what normal behavior is for a child experiencing that.

Answer 12

It SOUNDS like given the children's past and the mom's troubles that it isn't surprising that the dad has tried to compensate not for not having a mom by having fewer boundaries with his daughters - and I'm not sure that it sounds all that inappropriate.

My 5 daughter gets in bed with my husband and I - as well as my 7 y.o. son, when the wake up and get scared.  My daughter also climbs on my husband & I , snuggles both of us, and kisses us in public.   We both help make sure our kids are properly bathed - sometimes bathing them to help speed up the process!

I would hope that should something happen to me, that he would keep up those routines!

Answer 13

"the father was accused" by whom?

if he was "accused", that means there was an investigation so it's not even that he "denies" it but there was no evidence of sexual abuse found.

yes, it's perfectly okay.  

my thoughts are that you might be looking for excuses to prevent him from seeing the girls "for their own protection".  it's called parental alienation - don't go there.  courts have used that as reason to take custody of kids away from the alienating parent and giving them to the one being alienated.

Answer 14

First I have to ask - you have two children of your own, and your dating a guy that was accused of molesting children??  And you have questions about it??  Why on earth are you dating him?

If that molestation accusation wasn't out there, I wouldn't give this a second thought.  My husband occasionally bathes my 4 year old daughter, I see no issues with him bathing them - they're still young, who else will do it??  And sleeping with them, well, plenty of kids sleep with their parents.  My kids climb all over my husband and I and kiss us in public, what is wrong with that?

You're the only one who sees this on a regular basis, so only you can really decide what to do here.  I think your main concern should be your children.

Answer 15

Yes.  Because he is a single dad who else would be there to do it.  At 7 my nephew's mom was still washing him.  She did it to make sure he was clean and to make sure there were no falls in the tub.  I plan on washing my boys together until they can prove to me that they can do it on their own(at about 10) or they tell me they want to do it on their own.  Is he washing or just sitting in the bathroom to make sure they are safe?  Girls are more affectionate then boys so what they are doing is fine.  When I was younger my dad would let me sleep with him if I was scared or ill up until I was 10(my dad was a stay at home dad after retiring from the Air Force(he was 44 when I was born).  If he was accused and the charges were dropped it ment that there was no evidence that he did anything.  He may show the older one more attention because maybe she was abused by someone and he feels overprotective of her.  I think it is normal.