Do you think it´s better to adopt a child of the same race as you?

Question

or not?

I believe it doesn´t matter, but my husband would prefer to adopt a child of our race, so strangers would think it´s our biological child and according to him it would be better for the child (not that he would lie to the child itself about being adopted, but he feels not everybody has to know and he believes you get a lot of strange looks if you´ve got a child that looks completely different than you)

I don´t understand why he cares about strangers´ looks or opinions and it probably indicates he shouldn´t be an adoptive parent...what do you all think??

Answer 1

yeah

Answer 2

A child is a child regardless of race. Really “race” is just something that has been made up by man but I wouldn’t go into that here.

However I can totally understand how adopting from your own race could be seen as easier. Your husband is right adopting from your own race then the adoption is not going to be obvious to outsiders then if say 2 white people adopted an Asian child.  People who have obvious adopted children will get more stares etc, of course this can also be the case for biological parents who have mixed raced children. If  PAP have close family who would be un-accepting of a child who is of a different race.  Of course adopting a child that is the same race as you , you might more understand what that child might face. For example minority parents will more understand things that minorities face such as racism.

That said I think there can be many benefits of  inter racial adoption. I think it will make a person family and life much richer. It bring a lot of diversity to the table and it might encourage more diversity in the family not just PAP but perhaps even their extended family. PAP might seek out new friendships bring more diversity into their life.

As far as teasing l - kids are teased over a lot of things, kids can be extremely cruel. Its possible a black child who is adoptive by white parents could be teased over that. However that said its also possible white couple could adopt a white child who could be teased because the child needs glasses or has red hair.

Though it seems concerning that your husband would want to pass the child off as his biological child even if it’s just in public. I think you should have a serious talk with  him.

Edit - Just wanted to add that i think what is best adopting a child of the same race or different race, just really depends on the PAP.  I'd have no problem adopting a child that was not the same race as me.

Answer 3

I agree with you, and disagree with your husband.  There are plenty of biracial couples with children who look like one parent but not the other.   I have three Asian children, and feel that transracially adopted kids SHOULD have siblings.  In my house, I'm in the minority, not my kids!

Answer 4

The adoptive child would be treated as our own, so it doesnt matter what s/he looks like.  What does it matter what strangers who you will never see again think?  If you meet a child/baby that you connect with, then you should definately adopt him/her.  Don't not choose a child because they dont look like you.  What if you had a biological child who didnt look like you, would you reject it? of course not!!!

Answer 5

if your husband feels that way then you should adopt a child of the same race. I am an adoptee that really has no clue what race i am but i am korean and half something. my adptiive family's white and i got the abuse because of it. My mother kept me away from her prejudice family at first, then she slowly (maybe when i was about 8) started to let her family come around. after she told me i was adopted (12) she started to change. all of a sudden it was ok to tell black jokes, it was ok to celebrate christmas eve with me and christmas day with her family (what the heck i'm grown now right).

my whole point is if your husband already feels uncomfortable it's only going to get worse not better.it's not something he can grow into cause the child will sense it and they won't be able to bond.

Answer 6

A child needs a home no matter their color. However, if your husband is racist and insecure, it would not be wise to adopt.

Answer 7

Purely from the child's point of view and what they have to deal with growing up, then yes, I do believe it's better for the child

Answer 8

i think race dont matter at all i am white and my husband is black and we have 3 kids that are mixed there not dark they look like they have a nice tan i know if i couldnt have my own kids and i had to adopt i wouldnt care what color the kid is as long as i got a kid to love isnt all about love and not race. non white kids need love to

Answer 9

I don't necessarily think that because your spouse is not open to adopting outside his race that he is not open to adoption.  Everyone has a different comfort level and everyone moves at their own pace throughout the process.  My husband and I are not opposed to the adoption of other races and specifically are now going through the China program.  We were well aware going into the program that there will sometimes be questions that people will ask because it will be obvious to them that she is not our biological child.  Sometimes people can ask mean-spirited or rude questions of adopted children as well.  

I would consider adopting a child of any race, but I know my family (and my husband's).  They can be somewhat stigmatized and I knew that they might not accept children of certain races.  This is sad to say, but true.  It limited some of our choices, to tell you the truth.  I made sure to tell our families about our plans (and somewhat ask their "blessing").  They are fine with it and excited.  I know that they would have had misgivings about certain races and would probably have tried to talk me out of the adoption plans.  

That being said, I can understand being hesistant.  Also understand that men are usually less excited about adoption than women.  Just make sure it the right choice for you.  Don't force anything with him.  Talk to professionals to make sure this is really what you want.  If so, adoption is a wonderful way to start a family.

Answer 10

No I don't think it matters, unless you don't want anyone to know that you've adopted and/or you don't want your child to know. If you have an African American son and you caucasion obviously soon your kid is going to relize he's adopted. So it really all depends on how you want your kid knowing or not knowing.

Answer 11

It may indicate he has unresolved feelings about infertility, if that is an issue.  It may mean nothing.  It may mean he is uncomfortable parenting a child of another race, or a child who does not resemble him.  Bottom line, he may not be comfortable parenting a child who is not "his" biologically.  

If this were my husband, or my client, I would suggest counseling to explore and hopefully resolve these issues.  It is simply not fair to bring a child into this unresolved family matter.  Parents should love their children unconditionally, and if they are not able to do so, in my opinion, should not parent.

Answer 12

We adopted transracially.  To say that race doesn't matter is a drastic oversimplification of adopting across racial lines.  Transracially adopted children will have different experiences than their caucasian parents.  It's a fact that needs to be understood.

And yes, we do get looks wherever we go, as a family.  Most of the time, we tune it out.

But like many other responders, I think you and your husband have a ways to go before you should consider adoption.  I'm glad you are having these discussions about feelings and fears of adoption BEFORE you adopt.

Good luck.

Answer 13

you said:

>>>it probably indicates he shouldn´t be an adoptive parent...">>>>

you already answered your own question.

Answer 14

I think it might be easier if they are the same race, but if they aren't you would have to make an effort to honor and incorporate their race (or home country) into your family life so they can have an identity WITH YOU. for example if you adopt a native american child, I would make every atempt to learn about the tribe, its customs, and if at all possible, befreind members whom you can for a friendship with to spend time togrther with occasionally, going to festivals or events to expose your child to something that will not only enrich them, but you as well, and it is something you wil get to do together.  A friend of Mine adopted a Chinese girl when she was tiny... and she takes these classes for dance (I forget the name)  some ancient Chinese art.  its relly pretty and her parents have learned a lot about China with her as she has gotten older.

Answer 15

Yes and no

a lot of other countries have children that would love to be adopted and they are all not the same race as us.

But than again we have children that are the same race as us here that need to be adopted.

I guess its all personal prefrance.

Answer 16

definitely not i think it's better if you adopt a different race cause  alot of other countries needs a special home for their child and to grow up in a better place than they did i went to Guatemala 5 months ago with my husband cause he is Guatemalan and i think that is one country that can use the help of people like you I'm looking to adopt there sometime next year it's supposed to be the easiest place to adopt

Answer 17

Race doesn't matter but.....some people including other kids can be cruel, I had a friend in school whose mom is white from England, dad is : Black-Chinese-American Indian. My friend was harassed all through school by ALL sides. The reason why I brought that up is to show the meanness and close minded idiots are still out there....think of the c**p the child may suffer.

Answer 18

Race, no, culture well if you can yes.  If a child comes from a minority culture and you adopt the child, you have to ensure there are ways to connect with the child's culture.  This can be open adoptions, getting involved with local communities, etc. etc.

Taking a child from a culture and assimilating them into "white" culture is wrong.  They tried for years to assimilate Aboriginal people around the world through Christianity, adoption, residential schools etc. and the effect has been horrific on these communities.

Answer 19

"it probably indicates he shouldn´t be an adoptive parent"

i think you hit the nail on the head.  there appears to be some degree of reticence on his behalf.  especially when he wants to adopt a same race child so that strangers will think the child is biological.

Answer 20

it really doesnt matter