Do you think maybe the reason(s) you are divorced or separated weren't as bad? Second thought divorcing?

Question

I've been separated for over a year now. He is been really good to me paying some of my expenses since I can't afford them all. He is asking to come back but, I am not in love, yet he is a really good guy and has grown since we are not together.

Answer 1

Hi... You mention that you're not in love (but probably once were since you married him?)....

My question for you:  How do you see love?....  As for how I see love... I'm learning and what I've found is that it's not the Hollywood, head-over-heals kind of infatuation.  Love is a choice, it is learned, it is unconditional, it takes "work"-- or new habits-- if you're consciously unused to it.  Love is the kind of giving that expects nothing in return.  It's an acceptance of yourself and of another person....And it doesn't mean being stepped on, etc (You can make a choice to leave that situation, especially an abusive situation) ...  But it's the best out of you and draws the best out of other people.  Perhaps, it will be good to explore how you see love, and how your husband sees it.

It sounds as if you are having thoughts about returning and that you know your husband is a really good guy.  I encourage you to try... and   beforehand, it may be helpful to agree on boundaries.  Perhaps he is ready to communicate with you, and you are ready to communicate with him.  Perhaps a counselor could help guide both of you or you both could go on a marriage retreat-- to find out who you both really are and how ready you both are to continue your relationship.

I wish your and your husband well.

Answer 2

I never had second thoughts, never looked back.  But then I had big reasons not to.  You are the only one who can answer that for yourself.  If you feel like you want to make it work and you don't try, you may regret that later on.  

Good luck to you!

Answer 3

Well, we moved back in and things have not changed as much as I thought they had.  Bad mistake on my part.