Do you think my biological parents had a good enough reason to give me up?

Question

Alright,so I was adopted out of my family when I was about a year old or so,I must admit I have dealt with it some what alright. I was also born quite premature,and about a year later my parents had a baby boy who was severly mentally disable since birth,and has been that way since then,he needs round clock care pretty much.So then not too long after I was born they gave me up to a couple that they knew,who are now my adoptive parents.After my brother was born about six years later they had their next son and a couple years after that they had another son.So the three kids live with them but I don't.

Latley they have been talking with me more,and wanting me to come over more,and do more things with them.

Do you think my biological parents had a good enough reason to give me up?

Thank you.

Answer 1

personally uness im misreading they gave you up because they had a challenged child then went on to have more children and kept them,do you think it was a good enough reason,its how you feel that counts.but me personally,i dont feel as though was a very good reason.

Answer 2

move on. as long as you carry this you deny yourself  your full potential. Life sucks on many levels for all of us. Move on.

Answer 3

I think at the time they thought it was for good reason. They wanted you to have a better life, and i am sure you do. I really don't think you will ever understand the why me stuff. As far as going over and doing things with them will depend on how bitter you are with them. Just don't forget your mom and dad who raised you, they are your parents.

Answer 4

lets take a look at the big picture.

1. they dont love you, probably not true at all, but IF it were, would you be better off with them or you adoptive parents that love you?

2. they couldnt provide for you. a good possibility, again, would you be better off living in squaller with them, or having the opportunities you were given with your family?

3. they loved you to the point that they were willing to give you something they could not, and live their life wondering if you would ever fully understand. if this is true, stop questioning and see the true gift they gave you, a chance to be more

as for them keeping the other children, a lot of things can change in a year. money can come more freely. OR,  they felt so empty for giving you up they couldnt bring themselves to allow another child to leave them. especially one with special needs. lets face the facts, his chances of being adopted were pretty slim i bet.

i have found my birthmother, and never asked her 'why?'

finally she just told me, and i was right all along, she simply could not give me a life of value and she spent 28 years wondering if i understood or if i hated her. i dont, actually, i love her and we are great friends. she IS NOT mom, but i love her.

there is nothing wrong with you that they gave you up, maybe there is something so special about you they wanted you to have the ability to shine in life.

maybe i am way off base, but i have a strong feeling im not.

good luck

Answer 5

Ouch you are going to have to be the one to answer that according to how you personally feel about it not what every one else feels about it.

As far as having to choose between your mother and dad versus your biological parents.  Your mother and dad were the ones who raised you. The ones who sit up nights with you when you were sick. The ones who cared for you kept you fed and clothed.

And most of all loved you!

Answer 6

I can only guess, but at the time they must have been totally overwhelmed with the fact of their disabled child coming on top of a premature infant. They wanted both of you to have the best life possible so chose to give up part of their heart and allow you to be adopted by people they knew and hopefully trusted.

They waited 6 years before having another child...... and maybe they realized they were ready. Since you were already established in a new family it would not have been fair to you are your adoptive parents to rip you away, they allowed you to stay where you were.

But the bottom line questions are: Do YOU think they did the right thing? Can YOU forgive them for giving you up? Do YOU feel comfortable making a relationship with them at this point in your life?

Nothing is really ever black and white- there are parts of this you will never know or understand. They want to know you and have you be a part of them and may be starting slowly so as not to overwhelm you. Do what your heart tells you!

Answer 7

They just couldn't handle two children at that point of time. At least you get to see them.

Answer 8

well some timesd they are drugatics or died or were just bad people it could be anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

At least you still get to see them. I'm sure it was a hard decision on their part to decide to give you up, but they saw that they couldn't provide the love and attention that you deserved and that is a sign of unconditional love. You're lucky. So yes, what ever the reason for the decision was sufficient.

Answer 10

Your birthparents are the only ones who can answer that question. You should not be asking strangers on the internet. Instead you should ask your birthparents directly.

Answer 11

Only you are going to really be able to figure out if the reason they gave you up was a good one. You are in a strange situation as usually when someone is adopted they have no relationship with their biological parents, especially as close  a relationship as you do.  Personally I think you are in a very difficult situation and one that you are going to have a lot of problems figuring out.  I don't think that you should have to figure this out on your own, I think you should see a therapist, someone to help you through this situation.  You need an independent outside helper to get you through this situation.  It is not an easy situation, it's hard enough to be adopted, but you have many layers thrown on top of the usual.

Answer 12

Well they did what they thought was best for you.  It seems they gave you up because your brother had some severe disabilities. Having two kids so close in age can be tough but with one that has some severe mental/disability problems it probably be even more difficult.   Once your disabled brother was older they felt ok having more children.

Since your Adoptive Parents were friends with your bio parents I assume you did see them over the years.