Do you think my dad takes advantage of me?

Question

Okay my mom sent my dad to California to live in one of our apartment units (for free) we pay for his water, electricity, gas, cable, food, car, car insurance, cigs, beer, clothing, EVERYTHING!!! He does not work.

He is 57 years old.

History: My dad was never in my life EVER! Never paid child support, etc. They divorced when I was 4. And I only saw him a few times after that.

My mom feels bad for the way he lived and wants to help him.

Well I feel totally taken advantage of. I have to go grocery shopping for him, do all his paperwork (bills, etc.), register his vehicle, pay all his bills, pay his rent, buy him cigarettes almost everyday and he begs about 3-5 times a day for beer.

He cannot be given an allowance because he will blow his money away on beer and god knows what else and starve.

I cannot even give him money ($2.00 in change) to do his laundry in the laundy room because he'll buy beer with the money.

So I have to monitor every little d**n thing.

Well his friend moved in to my dad's unit (my mom owns the apartment building) which is a $1200.00 month unit. He has no money either. So now I have to pay for BOTH of their stuff.

I just went grocery shopping for my dad 4 days ago and comes to find out he is already out of food. Well I was feeding my dogs some eggs this morning and his friend (who slept over at my house last night because him and my dad are fighting) says "oh your cooking eggs for your dogs but your dad is starving"!

I am ANNOYED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

How the h**l am I suppose to know that he is starving. I just bought him groceries the other day (yes I have to go to the store do his grocery shopping, pay for his stuff, and deliver it to him). And than hear his friend and him b*tch about the food I buy. "THis is not the right kind of food I like. I need this and I only eat that, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, ANNOYED!!!

Then I have to hear them b*tching that they are out of cigarettes and beer.

Then the way my dad talks to me is sooooooo rude. He'll call like 5 times a day starting at 8a.m. I need this and I need that. I'm like can you wait I am in the middle of work. Then he says "oh well I guess you won't be here for like 4 hours" click.

He really thinks that I am his daily errand runner for beer, cigs, food, whatever he desires. And I am quit sick of it! I cannot spend 1-3 hours a day at his beck and call.

No he is not physically ill.

I really feel unappreciated, totally disrespected, and like a d**n slave/servant but I am the one with the money!!!!!!!!!

What do you all think?

Am I being unsympathetic, I really do not feel that I am. I feel totally abused.

Answer 1

If he's never been in your life, stay the h**l outta his, if he can't look after himself at this age, thats his own d**n problem.

And who exactly is MAKING you do all of this?  doesn't sound like you are being forced to and h**l no you are not being ungrateful or unsympathetic, people have their limits and don't you dare stretch yours for the sake of a lazy ***.

Answer 2

Give him his allowance to spend on whatever he wants. If he blows it on cigs and beer, then let him starve. That's life.

Answer 3

YOu Dont have to pay, so why are you paying? just so you can complain....just stop paying, you dont have to do anything....dont shop, he's a big boy he can do it himself.

Answer 4

Oh I know how you feel.  So let me tell ya stop inabling him.  I would tell him this.  I will pay your bills and do your shopping.  I will not buy you any more beer or any cigs. if you want them you will have to get up and get them yourself.  Then look at his friend and tell him that goes for you too and if you dont like what i buy my father you dont have to eat it. and if you run out of food before next week then you will have to find away to get more.

Then you hand him a list of times you are going to do things.

Exsample: Monday, I will do the shopping and give you the money for your laundry.  

Then tell him you will not take any of his calls unless its from 5:oo to 7:00 something like that and it better be about something important.

It was nice of your mother to help him out and you as well but you do not have to inable him the way you are and he is only doing it to you because you are allowing him to...

And dont let his friend say over any more you tell them that they are big boys and need to start acting that way.

Answer 5

I personally wouldn't pay anything. He isn't showing appreciation to it and is wasting it.  

Answer 6

Your dad sounds like an addict or someone with severe mental illness. This can be just as crippling as a physical illness. But I am sure you have your limits. You are not being unsympathetic you should look around for Al anon meetings for your dad to attend where people can help him.

Answer 7

You have a very strange family. The best thing to do is start secretly saving your money in a savings account and move out.

Answer 8

He's 57, why is ANY of this going on?!?!

Tell both mom and dad that dad needs to grow up!  You can tell them this because you seem to be more mature than either of them.

You may try asking some other relatives if you can live with them.  Explain the situation, and offer to help with the housework and even the bills if possible.  It's got to be better than the c**p you're dealing with now.