Do you think my son may have a problem?

Question

My husband works away and isn't home in spaces of 8 weeks so I sleep alone in bed. About every other night my son will get up and say that he's lonely and wants to come in bed with me and when he's there he'll hold me really tight and will sometimes fall asleep with his arms around me. Sometimes he succeeds in getting into bed without me even noticing.

He then asked me whether or not I get lonely sometimes and I found this a good time to bring up his dad. He then said that if I get lonely he (my son) will come and keep me company.

Today the school rung up to say that he was feeling sick and needed to be brought home. There wasn't anything really wrong with him other than that he was just quiet. When I asked him what was wrong he just said 'I don't know'.

How can I handle this? Is it a revurberation because of my husban'd abscence?

Answer 1

no he'll be fine he sounds like a swweet kid

Answer 2

No, he doesn't have a problem at all. He's only 7 for crying out loud!! He may perhaps be feeling a little anxiety because now he's old enough to realize that his dad's not home. However, it says alot about your parenting skills that he does want to be that close to you. I would worry if he didn't want to be. My daughter's 10 and she still does the exact same thing and sometimes I get angry because she'll be in bed with me and I'll wake up and she''ll scare the c**p out of me. But when I ask her why she insists on sleeping with me, she always replies because I love you and I didn't want to sleep in my bed.

Answer 3

I think that your son is just lonely. He's in his room alone, and misses his father. He also sounds very sweet to be worried about you being lonely too.

  As for the school, not all kids can tell exactly what's wrong with them. He might be depressed b/c his father's gone, or just had an upset tummy or headache.

  If you are really worried, let him call your husband, and talk to him about it...maybe he'll tell his father what he won't tell you.

Answer 4

I think this has a lot to do with your husband being away..Please dont take offense to my next question but do you work or spend a lot of time with your son? My son is an only child (until August) and when my husband and I both worked (we worked opposite shifts) he would say that he was lonely and afraid that he wouldnt be able to see us again...Maybe you should talk to him about whether he is really lonely or maybe he is miss communicating his feelings and he just misses his daddy...It really does sound like he misses Daddy ALOT so hes just trying ways to fill the void...

Answer 5

I think he has separation anxiety in the extremely short term sense. Maybe you're too close. I know it's really nice to have an affectionate little boy, but he's 7 now and needs to learn to be away from you. You could try signing him up for some activities where he's away for a few hours but having fun. Boy scouts or a sport would be good. This could teach him self confidence and allow him to feel comfortable away from you. Make sure when his dad is home that they spend a lot of time together.

Answer 6

take him to councler

Answer 7

yes it has something to do with ur husband.

let him not what happened.

usually parents keep things form there kids but as told its better to tell them at young ages so they will understand.

and he has a right to know.

Answer 8

What a good boy! He is very intelligent for his age emotionally. It sounds like he is trying to share his loneliness by trying to comfort you, this is very smart and a wonderful time to bond with him. Be responsive to this, by turning him away now, you will cause him to become passive and hold everything in. You don't want that. Talk about dad every time he wants to . I would let him sleep with me anytime he wanted to given his young age and whats going on. He falls asleep holding on to you because he misses dad and needs to feel safe and loved. It's a baby response, but kids often revert back to these responses  under stressful times. You need to seize this opportunity to bond with him and set up some coping rules. I would reinforce to him how important school is and, that you miss him too while he is there,  but he needs to go there and stay all day as part of his job. Just like daddy has to stay somewhere for his job, just not as short as school. Reinforce that you will always come when he calls for you, but he needs to reserve these calls for when it is an emergency. Tell him that he does not have to worry about you leaving him while he is at school, this might be what's causing him to call you. Be honest about missing dad to him. He is looking for an ally in his loneliness and pain, be his ally in this. Keep him talking about it whenever he feels like it. 8 weeks is forever when you're only 8 years! I would continue to put him to bed in his own bed every night, but I would also let him come into mine whenever he felt he needed. He has to start out in his own bed because that is where he is supposed to sleep. When he holds you tight hug him back and tell him that you are there for him and everything is o.k., and daddy misses him just as bad as you and him. Shower him with this just like a baby you are trying to comfort. He's still your baby, just a little bigger. He is very fragile and feeling insecure right now trying to understand why his family is not in one piece. Be his rock to lean on.

Answer 9

I don't think it is a problem.  He probably misses his dad and needs a little comfort.  I agree with the others that he is probably worried about you too.  Sons are very protective of their mothers.  Be there for him but also encourage him to participate in activities like sports so that he also develops his independence.

Answer 10

Sounds like another example of children being extremely perceptive, and seeing that you are lonely. Seems like he is just trying to fill that void for you.

Answer 11

i remember when i was little i was the same way with my mom i wasnt lonely but i saw it bothered her that my dad wasnt there... so i felt i had to feel that space, you know to keep her mine off things.. he loves you and is just looking out for you, about coming home from school, he probably didnt feel like going to school that day and knew only way he could come home was if he said he was sick... did it all the time when i was in school, just let him know he cant be coming home unless there is something REALLY wrong

Answer 12

awww what a sweet little boy

as for anyhting else. i have no clue.

Answer 13

Your son is so sweet - it sounds like he misses your husband and is having a hard time coping with his long absences. I would start by letting your husband know what's going on and see if he has any suggestions on what to do. Make sure you reassure your son a lot that he's loved, maybe your husband could call more when he's away.

Answer 14

It probably has something to do with his concern from you, rather selfless problem he has. But I don't believe it is a problem, and he will grow to be a very compassionate person.