Do you think older siblings are competitive?

Question

I have one older brother whom I love and I know loves me. Its just that he seems to be put out when good things are happening to me ie just got inheritance and bought a big house, mother-in-law taking us on holiday etc. He makes snide comments and seemed to be happier when I was on my own with noone and he could keep boasting about his big happy family

Even though I could not have children I never resented him one bit, I got my dad to put money into their dream home so they could buy it but he doesn't seem to think the same way

He thinks that because my dad is paying for the accommodation when we take him on holiday that he should be compensated for this even though he doesnt want to ask my dad to go on holiday with him

What do you think?

Answer 1

I have similar problems with my brother. He is 38, I'm 35. It has always been this way. But, as we have gotten older, he has gotten much, much worse. When we were kids, it was always who had the most friends, who had the better car, who got paid more, who had more stuff. He swears he worked for everything he has, and I didn't. He just became less competitive over the years, and more bitter. He feels as though I have had it easy, and he hasn't, so therefore, he is entitled to more. Like you and your brother, we have different lifestyles. I put myself through college, had a child, got married, bought a house, have a good career. All this I did on my own, without the help from anyone but my husband. However, my brother swears up and down that everything I have was paid for by my parents. (I wish, it would be so much cheaper). He has a house, a good job and a dog. He did this with a great amount of help from my mother and myself (which he denies). But, there has been some hard feeling from him, directed at me. We have always loved one another, as sibilings do, but there is a great amount of competitiveness on his part.. as I could care less, and just want the best for him.

Some family members just have it set in their heads the way things are, even if they are way off base. There isn't much you can do to change it.

Answer 2

I'm the oldest and I have never been competitive with my younger siblings.  The boys (my brother and stepbrothers) seemed to compete with me more often at least when they were younger than my sister did--but then again I was closer in age to the boys and there is a huge gap in age between our sister and the rest of us.  Now that they are adults I'm able to relax with them and enjoy the relationship w/o all the one upmanship.

to a degree, the competitivenes is an immature thing.  Your brother just sounds selfish.  He makes everything about him.  You do well and he sees your success as a reflection on how poorly he's doing.  You do something with your dad and maybe out of guilt (because he won't do anything with dad) he tries to guilt you because you took money from your dad for the trip. (I have an aunt who won't help out with my grandparents--her parents.  They don't need money, they just need someone to help out once in a while with their daily needs.  All of the other children and some of the grandchildren--those who are physically closest--help out as often as they can but this one aunt is very stingy with her time and she tries to make everyone else feel bad about helping them.  When she does come over, she is constantly checking on their possessions to make sure no one has taken anything because she's afraid she's going to "miss out on her inheritence"--the truth is we're trying to make sure that the grands spend it all on themselves before they die so no one gets anything ;) )

If he's loving and pleasant to be around except for this one thing, your best bet is to accept that this is who your brother is and ignore it as best you can.

Answer 3

siblings are always gonna be jealous of one another. I think its just part of being a sibling. Its expected more of younger ages and you'd think once your sibling has grown up with his bgi family, he'd stop being jealous and live his life... sometimes it doesnt always happen that way! GOod luck

Answer 4

Oh My. God.  Is "Hey There" my long lost sister?  What you describe about your brother is EXACTLY the story of my life!  

I think competitiveness is probably natural to some degree, but when it gets extreme, or when it becomes ridiculous in the type of entitlement you describe, then it might indicate that your brother has a problem.

Google "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" and see if it  fits your brother.  I found a lot of answers there.

Answer 5

I am the oldest sibling out of 3, for some reason I think my younger brother is doing really well, has his head screwed on and is really workin hard for a living - hes only 19 and so mature.  But my younger sister, who is 22 I feel she gets bailed out all of the time, doesnt understand money and gets so much support from mum n dad and me.  I feel she has this front where she is so independent and lives a life where she has loads of money, but in reality shes none of those things.  maybe i feel this way because I did everything for myself and so did my brother but shes got what she has through the help of everyone else.

You have many good things happening to you, and it looks a bit like you have more than him and being an older sibling myself I can at times feel like -  well im the oldest I should be doing that first lol its stupid but its true.  We have done everything else first, so why not get a big house first or get married first or have a baby first.  Its part of being the oldest.  Maybe thats what wrong with ur brother. :)