Do you think parents have a degree of responsibility for kids' issues?

Question

My husband's nephew is 19 years old, and addicted to drugs. He has done some pretty bad things up to this point, and will probably go to jail here soon for a felony. The nephew's parents are in counseling as well, and they are being told that none of this is their fault. Do you agree that parents have no fault in the negative choices their adult children make?

Answer 1

The most unlikely young people wind up in rehab or jail due to substance abuse.  Sometimes they have been indulged as children and do not know how to set boundaries sometimes they have experienced so much pain that their attempts to self medicate get out of control.  There are also some who start abusing alcohol or drugs to defy their parents.  So, it is a mixed bag, take your pick.

Answer 2

I disagree.  There is a degree, although hard to say what.

Answer 3

The only way they can be responsible is if they one gave him drugs, two used drugs in front of him, three never told him how bad drugs were

Anything after that it is his free will.  YOu can raise your children right and teach them all the right things but once they leave your home there is nothing you can do and you are not responsible for the choices they make

Answer 4

There are several different factors to consider. The parents are one, but as you become a teenager your focus becomes more on your friends. So you have, the parents, the friends, where he grew up, everything is a factor in determining what kind of person you become and the choices that you make. You cant point a finger all in one direction.  

Answer 5

I don't fully agree that it's not their fault. Legally he's an adult, but 19 is pretty young and 9 times out of 10, a 19 year old who is in trouble didn't wait until he was 18 to start doing things wrong.  

Answer 6

That's a tough one.  Some parents are very good people who take their responsibility of raising a child seriously, and despite all their efforts to teach their children to be honest, law-abiding, productive members of society there are still some children who insist on doing drugs and breaking the law.  However, I think that's the exception rather than the rule.  In most cases I'll bet you'd find that the parents were at least partially at fault for any number of reasons -- not being involved in the lives of their children, not disciplining them, not setting rules and enforcing them, spoiling them, giving in every time a child throws a tantrum, etc.

Answer 7

At some point no matter how much you try to get your children to do the right think they will do what they please.  At 19 he is legally an adult.  Sorry to say put I don't see fault with the parents.  

Answer 8

I believe the majority of the responsability falls on the parents. It doesn't always mean there wasn't enough discipline but there could have been other things lacking such as good communication, or consistency. It could be some other factor of their parenting that was not right but if my kids ever did anything bad I would feel I let them down somehow. I have 4 boys (aged 13, 13, 11 and 8) who are all really well behaved and never get into any trouble at school...I would like to think it's because of good parenting and consistent discipline and love and good communication, etc... rather than just that I am lucky to have 4 good kids. That doesn't mean kids and teens will make mistakes but drugs and crimes they might go to jail for are another story. It a parents responsability to make sure their teens don't go down that path.

Answer 9

Very well put Sarge927, I agree with you.

Answer 10

Yes and No.  Sometimes parents do everything right and their kids still get into to trouble and other times parents just don't care what their kids do and let them go wild.  

Answer 11

My older brother is 21 and he is addicted to drugs and he is going to trail for about 40 robberies he has commited, and he doesn't care about anyone or anything. I don't believe it has anything to do with my parents. My parents always taught us to work hard for everything that you want in life and you can have it. They are very respectful and I don't know really anyone that doesn't care for them. I am 20 and I have a beautiful family, and nice house and I work for everything I have. My little brother is in high school he is a high honor student and a great kid all around. He plays all sports and loves to be with his family. My brother is just a mess and it is no ones fault but his own. Def. not my parents. He actually robbed my fathers best friends house while his 13 year old daughter was there and she is now in couseling because she was so scared. this is not my parents fault. It is his fault and I hate it when people say that it is the parents fault when the parents are oustanding people, and they are made to look bad because of their  children's actions.

Answer 12

I can't speak for others, but I know that, if my child ends up making bad choices as an adult, I will feel that I failed in my job as a parent when they were younger - that I didn't teach them what they needed to know to be good people.  

Yes, some kids are harder to get through to than others.  But, that's part of the challenge of parenting.  You've got 18 years to figure out how your child learns & then teach them.  I'd feel awful if I never figured it out & left my child ill-equipped to have a happy, full, responsible life - left society with the results of my failure.