Do you think she will come find me?

Question

I have received a response from the adoption agency (via email!). They will help me find information, lol!

oh, gee... I am so excited, lol!

Answer 1

Some words of advice from the adoption police....

Put a "consent to release your identifying information" into the file w/ the state, and agency your daughter was adopted through.  ( sample at http://www.adoptionrecords.com )

Request your non identifying information via the agency

sign up with http://www.isrr.net ( the worlds largest internet reunion registry )

Start searching on your own and don't rely on a third party intermediary to establish and succeed at contact for you. Middle men often s***w things up.

Who May Access Information

Citation: Ann. Code §§ 63.2-1246; 63.2-1247

Nonidentifying information may be disclosed to:

    * The adopted person who is age 18 or older

    * The licensed or authorized child-placing agencies providing services to the child

    * The adoptive parents

    * Identifying information may be released to:

    * The adopted person who is age 21 or older

    * The birth parents

    * An adult birth sibling

••

Access to Nonidentifying Information

Citation: Ann. Code § 63.2-1246

Nonidentifying information shall not be open to inspection, or be copied, by anyone other than those listed above, except upon the order of a circuit court upon good cause shown.

Mutual Access to Identifying Information

Citation: Ann. Code § 63.2-1247

For adoptions finalized on or after 7-1-1994, the following requests for disclosure of identifying information are permitted:

    * The adopted person who is age 21 or older may apply for information about the birth family.

    * The birth parents and adult birth siblings may apply information about the adopted person.

    * When the adopted person is under age 18, the adoptive parents or other legal custodian of the child may apply for information about the birth family.

The Commissioner shall designate the person or agency that made the investigation to attempt to locate and advise the person whose information is sought of the application. The designated person or agency shall report the results of the attempt to locate and advise the adopted person to the Commissioner, including the relative effects that disclosure of the identifying information may have on the adopted person, the adoptive parents, and the birth family.

The adopted person and the birth family may submit to the Commissioner, and the Commissioner shall consider, written comments stating the anticipated effect that the disclosure of identifying information may have upon any party. Upon a showing of good cause, the Commissioner shall disclose the identifying information. When consent of the person being sought is not obtainable, due to the death or mental incapacity, the circuit court may release identifying information to the person making the request. In making this decision, the circuit court shall consider the needs and concerns of all persons involved.

In parental placement adoptions, where the consent to the adoption was executed on or after 7-1-1994, the entire adoption record shall be open to the adoptive parents, the adopted person who is age 18 or older, and a birth parent who executed a written consent.

Access to Original Birth Certificate

Citation: Ann. Code § 32.1-261

The original birth certificate is available only upon order of the court.

Where the Information Can Be Located

Department of Social Services, Permanency Unit

Answer 2

Wow... I wish I was in your shoes, but I have 2 more years to go before I reach that point. I hope she does come find you, and everything works out beautifully.

The best thing I think you can do is make sure it's easy as possible to find you. Registering with the adoption agency was a good idea. There's more you can do to get the word out, and I'd go everywhere possible. www.adoption.org has a good search site. You can list as much or as little as you know.

Keep trying. After 18 years, you've done your time & you deserve this. Best of luck to you

Answer 3

As an adoptee, I am so mad about all of this excitement.  How on earth could you have just given up your daughter???  How selfish.  And now, here you are all thrilled with the prospects of a reunion, LOLing left and right.  

How can you think that this is such a joyous thing?  Was rearing a child just something you wanted to hand over to someone else until you were older and could have fun?

Being a child who was abandoned is no laughing matter.

You are a fool.

Answer 4

Why should she come find you?  Did you not choose to give her up?  You're no longer her mother, therefore you've chosen to forfeit a relationship with your adult daughter.  Leave her be with her parents, she doesn't owe you anything.

Answer 5

I hope you are reunited with your daughter soon!  I wish you all the best:)

Answer 6

Its likely that she'll try to find you.  I was adopted but it wasn't a 'normal' adopted.  My biological mother left me w/ my bio fathers step aunt and uncle saying that she was going to go job hunting and she came back 3 years later and dropped off another baby then left.  She came back a year later, took my sister, and left me.  So I have a lot of anger towards my adopted mother.  (I know her now, and she's a bad person, drug addict and what not)  

But from an adopted like how you adopted out your daughter, there shouldn't be as many angry feelings.  But believe me, she will be angry, she will feel a bit unloved bc you adopted her out.  Even though, she'll probably want to find you and get to know you.  Everyone (almost) wants to know where they come from.  Also, it depends on what her adopted parents told her about you.  If they kept it neutral and good she'll be more inclined to want to find you as soon as possible.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope and pray that y'all have a happy reunion soon.

Answer 7

i agree with poss, but i also know for me, personally, i HAD to find her.  i started looking when i was 16.  it took me 8 years.  i was one of the lucky ones, in that i had my aparents full support in searching.

good luck:)

Answer 8

Some adoptees search early, some later and some never.  This is for a variety of reasons.  Some fear their first parents don't want to see them, for example.  

Possum gave you great links.  They should be helpful to you.  You are not alone.  A lot of people who've placed look forward to contact some day.  I reunited with my first family 6 years ago, and it's been very good.  We both searched for each other.

In our society, we enjoy something called free association.  Unless a court order specifies that one person cannot contact another, we are all legally free to make contact with one another.    Unless one party has specified to another party that s/he doesn't wish contact, there is nothing to keep contact from occurring, either.

So, if you choose to search for her, that is okay, too.  Even though you are no longer her legal parent, you will always be a part of one another because you are her first mother who carried her and gave birth to her.

ETA:

Oh, that's great that you got the news form the agency!  I hope you connect with your daughter.

Answer 9

There's a 50/50 chance I guess.  She may not do it right away, or it could take awhile for her to track you down.  Don't get excited that's gonna happen right away, or you could be setting yourself up for disappointment.

Answer 10

,she will when the time is right i was given away as a baby knew from age 11, but knew it would devastate the man who raised me as his own so i did nothing when i was 36 a long time after my dad passed away i met my biological dad, needless to say dont expect too much my real dad left me again, im 49 now and over it but dont expect too much

Answer 11

She may - she may not.

For now - I think contacting the adoption agency was a good move. Place details on file with them that you are open to contact - keep your details updated with them if you ever move. They may not be receptive - some adoption agencies are not very helpful in such cases - I hope yours is.

Also place your details on these registries - just in case she is looking for you -

http://www.isrr.net/

http://registry.adoption.com/

Check here for search help - and links to search angels -

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

They also have a forum and chat for first mother's - a good place for support.

For me - I always wondered about my first mother - and always wanted to find her. Sadly my a-mother put guilt on me for wanting to know (not that it had anything to do with her - I still loved her dearly - but her insecurities made her do it) - and even after she died when I was 18 - I waited until I was 26 - and pregnant with my first baby - when I finally went looking.

I got a little info - but she wasn't looking for me - so I put it off longer.

I finally searched seriously and found a few years ago - I was 35.

Just remember for your daughter - this is a very busy time in life - and she may put searching off if she gets any negative feelings from her a-parents - or it may all just be too hard for now.

By all means - search through the channels that are available - reach out - send a gentle letter - stating that you've always been thinking of her and you're around if she wants to talk.

For your sake - I do hope she wants contact.

Take things slow - grab all the support around you that you can find.

I wish you all the very very best.

(I wish my mother had been looking for me!!)

ETA: oh - and please ignore all ignorant answers about your daughter not owing you anything!! UGH

You obviously love your daughter very much - and she will always be your daughter.

An adoptee has at least 2 mothers - that is our reality - no one can tell us who is more important - and if any mother has to play such childish games - then they're not being a very good parent. They're making it about their own selfish needs - and not about the adoptee.

All adoptees should be allowed to know - personally - all family members - if they so wish.

Again - I wish you the best.

Answer 12

yes

Answer 13

I wish you would try to find her.  When I found my mother at 22, the first thing she said to me was, "What took you so long?"  Like you, she expected me to knock on her door at 18.

Your life is settled, she is in transition from childhood to adulthood, busy with college, etc.  Why not start a more active search for her?

My APs never moved, and still live in the house I was raised.  I would advise you to contact her directly, as opposed to talking to her APs.  She IS an adult, and this is between the two of you.  Many APs are threatened by the return of the natural mother.

I'm happy and excited for you and your daughter!

Answer 14

Sign up on the registries that Possum gave you and as she said remember to update them if you make any changes, like phone number or moving. This is what I forgot to do. My daughter actually found my information but i wasn't there. I not only had moved but had gotten married so I was missing again. It took until she was 28 to find me. I hope if your daughter's looking she finds you much sooner than that. To be honest (and not cruel) the wait isn't over yet, but more like just begun. It's nerve racking I know, but at least now you can go search.

I have no great words that will help your restlessness inside except your going to run across people who feel that you aren't entitled to a relationship with your daughter. They don't know what's in your daughters heart any better than anyone else. Don't listen to them. if your daughter wishes to find you or have a relationship with you, then you are entitled. I hope she does.

I don't know for sure but I dont' think my daughters Aparents moved after getting her but mine was a closed adoption, many years ago.

If you need someone to vent on, you can e mail me.

Good luck and I'll be pulling for you.

You got a reply already? That's great news.

Answer 15

she might i think that you should track down the parents and ask however donot seek contact with your daughter yet as this might confuse her this is of course if you want to see her if not just wait and see however please dont ignore your daughter as this is unfair

Answer 16

Good luck to you, I hope you find her.