Do you think some women place as a way to punish themselves?

Question

Do you think some women place their child(ren) for adoption as a way to punish themselves for behaviors looked down at by society?

Answer 1

Yes I do.  I've heard that from alot of mothers.  Then on the flip-side to being looked down upon the Adoption Industry lifts them up and praises them for relinquishing their baby, telling them how wonderful and selfless they are  . . .  so if they parent they're looked down upon and if they relinquish, their goddesses

Answer 2

Yes, in some cases. Like teen pregnancy. Others it's possible they knew they couldn't afford them so they did what they thought was best. I personally can never see me giving birth only to abandon my child, whether I can afford them or not.

Answer 3

Thirty years ago, maybe.  But there is not the stigma on out-of-wedlock births or single parents that there once was.  I'm sure there still are some birthmothers who felt pressure from family to place their child for adoption, but I think that for the most part, said pressure is closer to home than at the overall "society" level.

Answer 4

I can't speak from experience on this one.

Only that it's human nature to put ourselves down, we make our own best enemies!!! Especially woman with all our emotions.

We grow up, no matter who or where in society, with dreams of the perfect life. To marry a handsome Prince, be the perfect Princess, have the perfect children etc.

When that dream goes astray some perhaps feel like they've failed themselves and everyone around them.

All woman know how precious a tiny child is and some would feel undeserving of something so amazing, so miraculous and so what better punishment for failure than to give up the most precious thing and inflict deep pain upon ones self~telling themselves that its the best for the child who will get a much 'better' Mummy!

Australia has difficult adoption rules, woman are heavily counselled and shown how they CAN manage to keep their child.

They are then encouraged strongly to interact with their child after the birth before it's finally handed up for adoption.  The baby lives in a special pre-adoptive fosterhome for a cooling off period!.

Unfortunately this has a downside where sometimes  mothers keep their children when they shouldn't and the child ends up in permanent fostercare totally let down by the system!!!

Answer 5

yeah most of the women will punish themselves because of community.............

Answer 6

Yes shame is a strong motivator.

Adoption etc has been based on that and counted on that as a source of children to put up for adoption since the late 30's I think...

Society looks down on single mothers etc... always been like that. It's even worse for single fathers.

Some mothers use adoption as revenge and punishment against their spouses.

I would say vice versa. But fathers are rarely involved in adoption decisions as a primary.

Answer 7

Not so much any more but that's exactly what it was about 30+ years ago. All the hiding and secrets. You didn't want to be the type of girl everyone shunned and talked about behind your back. Some younger people just don't realize what it was like back in the day.

Answer 8

Not me. It was a permanent solution to a temporary problem. There wasn't anyone to give me a "leg up". What a difference that would have made.

My husband has agreed to help me with my dream, when I finish school, I want to have a home for pregnant women who want to keep their children. I want to be their "leg up".

Answer 9

Yes.  And to PLEASE other people like their parents, boyfriend, social worker, PAPs.

Answer 10

Yes.  I also think it's a way that they get punished by their families and society for behaviors that are looked down upon.

Answer 11

no, i think they give up their child because they are unable to care for him/her. I dont understand why they would do that as a form of punishment toward themselves for behavior. there is just way too much emotion in something so life changing.

Answer 12

No, I think most women make the difficult decision to relinquish children for other reasons.  However, I do think that bmoms that refuse contact when their adult-children search for them are definitely doing so to punish themselves for a behavior despised by society:  relinquishing their children.

Answer 13

Great question!  I would ask it a little differently.  I think that many young women place to redeem themselves to their family.  "Look Mom and Dad, I made the 'problem' go away all by myself.  Do you love me again?"  And this is not a phenomenon of the past.  It is here today.  And do adoption agencies and lawyers know who to capitalize on that?  You bet they do.  Redemption is a big trump card for them with the young moms who are "ashamed" of their situation.

Although social norms have changed a lot, try following a young mother (of any socio-economic class) around in public for a day.  You will get quite a lesson on the harassment that they get from strangers.

Answer 14

Every case is different. A lot of people just can't take care of the child because of physical and/or financial troubles.

Answer 15

Y.E.S.!

many of the young women (especially those from very religious homes) that i've known who placed, mentioned variations of "adoption as redemption for a social/moral wrong."

personally, i think it's b.s.... especially when the industry RELIES on some non-socially or morally accepted hanky-panky.  

i often wondered how much of the push for the crappy "abstinence-only" programs in schools are actually to fuel the industry. especially when adoption is often included in most states' A-O statures.  by giving teens no information about how to avoid pregnancy, guilt-trip for having s*x; and sic 'crisis-pregnancy' counselors schemeing for their "sin-produced" love children on them, is a bit slimy to me.  

hypothetically, i wonder what would happen if young, umarried people actually "stopped having s*x" and producing kids.  

the industry would crumble...

so, in order to keep the industry going, we must punish the behaviors that we "secretely" want to occur in order the keep the business going...

i think gershom quoted a stat from the IRS that many adoption agencies CEOs make >$100K.

makes one think just how much unmarried s*x is REALLY condemned....

the whole thing makes me sick to my stomach.

great question.