Do you think someone who sees parenting as a 'primal urge to procreate', and seemingly not much else...

Question

Is really a suitable person to parent a child?

Wouldn't you like to think that a REAL mother would be more concerned with the type of life that she could offer a child, the nurturing and raising that comes into play when the child is already here?

Doesn't it seem quite frightening to think of a parent believing that they brought a child into the world, ergo, job done?

My opinion on this is that I have 2 (bio) children, but honestly I don't think the 'real' parenting began until my children were here.

Answer 1

Well, I just found out that my biological sister gave up two babies without a second thought. My grandmother said it was because she didn't want to be bothered. This is what I feel, it takes actions to make one a parent, not just the ability to carry a child or help make a child. If a parent can show the child love, provide for them, encourage them. Then and only then are they the parent(s).

Answer 2

Hmm... Parenting a child has little to do with procreation. Did you miss biology class in high school? Even single celled organisms procreate. So are humans somehow exempt from the laws of nature based on our "higher" intelligence level? We are animals the same as any other living creature. Even plants procreate.

Once the glob of cells becomes a neonate the tables turn. Most humans aren't going to eat their offspring or allow their mate to. This is when our evolution comes into play. Nurturing is something most mothers in the animal kingdom do as well. Humans just have a more "developed" sense of it. We have created societal norms, morals and values that animals, seemingly, do not have. So we care for our children longer than the majority of animals, aid in the emotional, physical, mental and social growth of our children to a higher degree and like to think we are above the laws of nature for doing so.

Have I made my point clear? Procreation and parenting are two separate aspects of life.

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And YES I do believe I am a suitable parent. I am a REAL mother as I do nurture and guide my children. Some people are able to detach the emotional side of humanity from the biological side. I also believe in evolution and shun creationism. I prefer to see the world in a more scientific way than you do. That in no way makes me less of a Mother than you.

Answer 3

An author I like to read explains "parenting" very well in many MANY of his books.  The reason people want to parent is to be able to add something of themselves to the next generation.  No one person can ever be "remembered" forever by human kind.  Eventually even the most famous and accomplished of us will fade away with time.  The only thing we actually can do is to weave ourselves into the fabric of humanity as a species.  The way we do this is by becomming parents.  

Now, the most obvious way to weave yourself into the species is to provide part of your genetic material to make a new person.  While this is very important for the continuance of Homo Sapians, it is not the most important aspect of parenting in terms of the continuation of humanity.  The most important part of parenting is to raise and teach the child.  You teach them your faith, you teach them to tie their shoes, you teach them what is right and what is wrong, and you teach them how to love.  Then, they grow up and teach all those things over again.  In this way, you're adding a little bit of yourself to every lesson taugh and every hug given for generations to come.  This is also the reason why extended families are important.  The more people there are to love and nurture a child, the more love and learning the child has to pass on they become old enough to parent.  

If a person sees their job as a parent primarily in the "depositer of genetic material" sense, then they aren't a good parent at ALL!  After all, sea turtles manage to deposit genetic material in young - but most of their kids die almost immediately after hatching!

Answer 4

Are you talking men or women?.  I think all of us have that urge to procreate.  Its natural and part of our natural experience as human beings.  

Are you also speaking about one individual?  In order to answer the question, could you clarify what you are talking about?

Answer 5

I'm not quite sure what you're asking, especially after reading the answers.  But I will tell you that I grew up never wanting to have kids.  I got pregnant at 19 and that baby was adopted.  I later married someone else who also did not want kids.  I found out that I was pregnant (I had an IUD for over five years, so it's not like we were being careless) and we had a daughter.  She ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me.  We now have a son, too.  So my point is that things change.  Right or wrong, for good or bad, things change.  People who have this "urge to procreate" are certainly not guaranteed to be cut out to be good parents.  My hubby and I luckily are the opposites.  We were happy to not procreate, but I'm actually impressed with how we're doing as parents.  It's not easy.  Maybe if there were some way to show the people with "the urge" what it's really like...

Answer 6

I get where you're going with your question.  Can you be a parent without actually being pregnant and giving birth, right?

In my opinion you absolutely can, and obviously pregnancy and parenting are two different aspects of a similar game.

Since you're asking this in relation to adoption, I would say that both sets of parents (biological and adoptive) are both the child's parents, but in very different ways.

Technically, a parent is either the person or persons who create an offspring, or the person or persons who raise a child.  Most of the time it's the same people doing both, but occasionally a child needs two sets of parents, to fulfil the two different roles.

My situation is as a foster parent.  Are my children's bio parents still their parents, although they do no parenting?  Yes.  Am I still their 'mother', although I didn't give birth to them?  Yes.  My 2 children are very likely to stay in my care until they're adults, and they will have been in my care since infancy.  My place in their life is as a 'real' parent, and so is their natural parent's place.  As far as a primal urge to procreate, then I do believe that it's a completely natural emotion for most people, after all, if it wasn't then none of us would be here!  However I also believe that there are some people, like myself, who truly don't have that particular need.  I can't explain why, just as many people can't explain the need to create children.  It just is.  Everybody's different.  In my case, I have always wanted to be a parent.  Obviously my definition of parenting may differ from other people's definitions of parenting, but that's ok.

If what you're talking about in the second part of your question is whether or not it's enough to simply HAVE children, without appropriately caring for them or raising them, then I believe absolutely not.

I firmly believe that someone who abuses or severely neglects a child is not a 'real' parent in every sense of the word, and it is scary that a few people seem to think it's enough to just have children.  I genuinely don't think many people think that way though, mostly I think all parents try their best to do the right things by their child.

I don't know if I've answered your actual question, lol, but that's how I see it to be.

Answer 7

This is tricky for me. Because I have felt a primal urge to procreate. I think that many women do, infact I think its a leading drive in the "infertility" industry which leads to the "adoption" industry, I believe that that "urge" drives many women into a desperation to reproduce and when they "can't" adoption is the next "best" thing for many.

Do I think that this is a legitimate reason to look into adoption...NO absolutly not.

I won't debate real parenting....I do NOT believe one is more than the other they are both different. Pregnancy is an INCREDIBLE bonding, parenting special amazing time that isn't any less than the time that comes after birth. Neither should be minimized they are both invaluble to the child born or not.

Maybe your parenting didn't start until your child were "here." but mine did the MOMENT I knew, actually the moment i had a "hunch," before I knew and many mtohers do that who surrender as well. Just because a woman surrenders doesn't mean her parenting is LESS than the woman who ends up raising her child.

Answer 8

It took me many years to understand that giving birth and parenting were two separate things.  As an infertile couple, it took us a great deal of time to understand that lack of pregnancy did not mean that we could not be a parent.  

Reproduction is a major life function and the inability to do that does not make me lesser of a parent.  It just means that I cannot have a pregnancy.

Answer 9

I'm not sure about this.  It confuses me too.

My natural mother relinquished me when I was three days old for many, many reasons.  And she has grieved for me ever since.  I got an email from the midwife who delivered my brother and sister who said that my nmom cried for me when she gave birth to them. She cried for me.

I know that relinquishing me devastated her.  I know that she held onto me in weird ways that I can not even describe here.  I know that she and I have a connection I can't explain.  

And now we have been in reunion for a year and our relationship is rockier than it has ever been.  And we are complete and total strangers in so many ways.

But we also have a bond.

Is she my REAL mother even though she didn't raise me?

Yes.  No.  I don't know.  Maybe.

What is REAL?

She tried to do the best she could for me.  She did not want me to grow up in the dysfunctional home she came from and I honestly believe she did what she thought was the best thing for me at the time.

She relinquished me and didn't see me for over thirty years and she thought of me every single day we were apart and she hoped that I was happy.

And I am for the most part.

And she looks like me.  And she acts like me.  And she sings like me.  And she loves me.

I don't care what's REAL.

I'm just glad I found her.

Answer 10

I'm not sure where you're going with this question.  Of course a 'real' parent considers the actually raising of the child once it arrives in this world.  Who's going to argue with that?  I don't know of any parents who feel that their responsibility as a parent ends once they've birthed the baby.  

Have I missed something?  This question sounds like a back-handed attempt at attacking birth parents, but your intention in asking this question isn't entirely clear.  Are you purposely trying to be inflammatory, or am I misreading it?

Answer 11

I don't think most people see procreating as a primal need and 'nothing else'.  I suppose that person wouldn't make a good parent, but if they wanted 'nothing else', they probably wouldn't WANT to raise a child anyway.

Which is not to say procreating isn't a primal urge--it is, just like s*x.  But a person who only wants to engage in s*x probably shouldn't be in a relationship either.