Do you think taking a child from everything that is familiar to them before even letting them...?

Question

bond with you is good for them psychologically or emotionally?

For example:

Meeting them for a two or three weeks and then returning 6 months-1 year year later to take them to a another country that is completely different and they can't even understand a single word being spoken to the them?

Should a-parents be required to spend as long as it takes in the adoptee's country to make sure the adoptee's are at a "minimum" completely bonding with the Ap's before they can be taken away?

Answer 1

I think that the adopting parents should spend time with the family so that the family has the opportunity to see what kind of life the babies will have.  At a really young age kids havent really adapted to a certain "type of life" so this is way its suggested that babies be adopted into a foreign country rather than when they are older.  They should also try to learn the language of the baby, so that the baby can grow up bilingual and can feel a connection with its heritage.

Answer 2

I guess it would depend on what someone feels is more appropriate....allowing a child to stay in an orphanage in one's home country or allowing the child to live with a loving family in a safe home.  I don't pretend to know what is best for children or families in that situation, but I think the important thing to remember is that it is different in every situation.

Answer 3

I suppose ideally that would be a great situation.  But most of those third world countries are just happy to get the child out of the system since they are not financially or staffed to take care of them.  If you have read about the conditions in orphanages in China then you would know this.

Answer 4

Children are resilient. And I do not know if full bonding can take place while the child is still at the orphanage. I think while some trauma can take place during the transition from one place to another I think a young child will acclimate quickly.

Friends of mine adopted a 13 year old girl from Russia into their family of twin 14 year old and 9 year old boys. She bonded with her family immediately. She had only seen pictures of her American brothers but wanted to call them immediately on the cell phone after leaving the courthouse for the final time and heading to the airport.

Answer 5

Do you think taking a child from everything that is familiar to them before even letting them bond with you is good for them psychologically or emotionally?

If they have no other family- YES.

For example:

Meeting them for a two or three weeks and then returning 6 months-1 year year later to take them to a another country that is completely different and they can't even understand a single word being spoken to the them?

If that is that country's policy/requirement and they have no other family- YES.

Should a-parents be required to spend as long as it takes in the adoptee's country to make sure the adoptee's are at a "minimum" completely bonding with the Ap's before they can be taken away?

That would be nice.  But, then some people would not be able to afford to adopt internationally.  And if there is no other family to adopt them, then helping them handle the stressful change  to be able to live a long healthy and fruitful life, would be better than having them die young, hungry, and possibly abused on the streets of their original country.

Answer 6

You need to understand that attachment is a long and complex process, and is different for every child. Even when a child is comfortable with their new adoptive parents a few days or weeks later, that doesn't mean they've "bonded completely". Although my children seemed very happy and content from the begining, it took several months before they truely adjusted to there new home, family and lives, and they were only 6 months old, and were considered to have very healthy attachments. With a child with attachment difficulties it could take many months or even years to "completely bond", and for many reasons it just wouldn't be practical.

These children have experienced so much change in their young lives. After researching and experiencing the attachment process with both of my children,  I think it would actually make the process much harder to them to allow them to settle in to a presumable new life, living several months with their new family in a new place they've never seen before (an apartment or hotel in their birth country), and just when they start to adjust, the family picks up and moves back to there home country and the adjustment process would have to start all over again. The child would be likely become anxious that as soon as they got comfortable, it was all going to change again. Unless you are proposing that all of the adoptive parents and their other children move into the orphanage  for several months, then the child is still going to be "taken away from everything familiar" even if they are still residing in the same country.

Answer 7

A requirement of week or two in-country seems like a good idea, but define "as long as it takes."  6 months to a year?  Well, in a perfect world, sure.  But  there is a very small number of parents who can actually spend months on end in another country, and making it a requirement would deprive needy children of a permanent home with a loving family.

Answer 8

I think 3 weeks to a little over a month would be adequate time. Adjustment can take time so no I don’t think the parents should have live in their child’s native country for months.  What if the child wasn’t completely adjusted for 6months, 9month,  a year  it’s a  bit unrealistic to ask someone to up root themselves and possible their other children to go live in say  China or Russia for that long of a time period.

Brazil is one of the few countries that both parents have to reside in Brazil anywhere from 35 to 42 days. One of the parents can petition to return after 2 weeks but they wouldn’t always grant it.  They do this so that the new family can bond and it’s probably also nice that the parents can pick up on some of the child’s first culture, even learn some of the ethnic foods from there. They would be able to learn some or practice the native language of the country.  Also this is the only trip parents adopting from Brazil have to make.  

Grant it that long time period is one of the reasons there aren’t as many Americans adopting from there like other foreign countries.