Do you think that I should SAVE my FRIENDS life, or just walk away ?

Question

Hello world. My friend is in a bad situation. She is involved in an abusive relationship. She met this man, and has been with him for 2

months. He moved in with her after only 30 days. Things got worse.

He started checking her emails, and cell phone messages. He then told her that she could not talk to me ever again, after an altercation.

She became depressed, and even started smoking again. I live a long

way from her, she is about 5 states from me. I did call the police, but

she refused to get help. I think this man may have threatened her or

something. But she is in a state of crisis. How is she feeling right

now concerning her bad situation ? And does she want me to help her,

or stay out of her business ?

Answer 1

There's not a lot you can do except keep yourself ready to help when she reaches out to you. It has to be her choice whether she stays or leaves. He has probably convinced her that the problems in their relationship are her fault -- this is what keeps so many victims from quitting abusive relationships, it gets them to try harder and harder to be the perfect wife or girlfriend when they should just walk away. When she is able to start questioning that programming the thought of leaving will become easier for her. She will need a friend to help her get through that rough period, and you sound like a good friend to me. (But please don't fall into the trap of playing the Knight in Shining Armor, that's not emotionally healthy for either of you! Just listen to her and tell her you care.)

Answer 2

i think you should save her.  

Answer 3

If she really IS your friend you should tell her that this may be unsafe. If you need to, ask another friend for help to get her to be away from him for awhile. If she really does love this guy, she should be with him. And ask her if hes hurting her, and if she lies, her boyfriend might make her lie because he doesn't want anyone knowing hes abusing her. whenever you can, call her and if she dosn't pick up just leav her messages, and email her too.

I hope i help!

Answer 4

Freinds are always a good thing to have and at this point you need to help her, right now I'm your friend going through the samething and my friend has reached out to help me and now i'm moving out of his apartment into my friends because she did reach out to me, you need to do the same for your friend if you really care about her. which I'm sure you do because otherwise you would not be asking this question. GET YOUR FRIEND HELP!

Answer 5

She is in a controlling relationship if you contact her it will only hurt her.This guy thinks he owns her.This is a sad state of affairs.If you love her and have the funds hire a private dic to record the abuse.

Answer 6

e-mail her tell her to call you even collect because someone died (the name of someone she knows is dead o a stuffed animal she would know) the point is so if he reads the e-mails he wont know, she might feel helpless because you are to far to help her,  but maybe you could get her to call from school or something send a registered letter to her last address tell her you have money for her and don't know where to send it.

Answer 7

wut kind of friend r u well OF COURSE save her if u really care about her DUHH

Answer 8

call dr.phill

Answer 9

Do somethin' bout' it. Get over there and get her away.

Answer 10

SAve his life!!!!

Answer 11

Wow. Seems like you love her. I would hire someone to find out more about it, like a Private Investigator. You should be careful of what you say in emails. You can go on White pages search and find her address, or even better her telephone #.

The time has come to do something about this. She would do the same thing for you. Don't let her down.

Answer 12

get help. call the police.. you can sew him. if you dont save her.. youre not a friend. and youll regret it.

Answer 13

Be careful what you say in e-mails if she is being watched by him, he may hurt her if he sees you writing things about him.

If you can, definitely  do something. Many women get kinda stuck in these situations and are afraid or don't know how to get out.

She may even tell you she does not need your help.

Send her an e-mail with the numbers of some battered women's shelters in the area she is in or an abuse hot line that will direct her where to get help.

Assure her you are there for her in whatever aspect you can be.

This is the national domestic violence hot line:

800-799-SAFE

from there she can and/or you can find where she can get further help.

Definitely try to help, but call the helpline first, they may be able to tell you better ways to help her than I.

Do not be hurt if she turns you away. She probably does not want to no matter what she might say. Chances are, she will need you in the future.

Good for you for caring enough to ask this question!

Be careful, if you go there he may assault you too

Answer 14

I feel sorry for that. You can do your part by e-mail her  whether she is free  to have a coffee, so that , you can talk to her directly what is your concern about her. If there is no reply from her, if you are free, you can go to visit her and talk to her directly.

If really no choice then, It is good to inform Police to monitor the situation.

Answer 15

Here is the mission save her life!

Answer 16

help her

Answer 17

She is not goingto leave until she is ready. I was married to a man who abused me on a daily basis, the neighbors would call the police on us, but I was so afraid of him I wouldn't tell them anything. They would always try to give me battered womens pamphlets and tell me to hide them. This would get me beat even more. You may know your friend but you do not know the mental state of the guy she is with. I would stop now sending her e-mails. You know this guy does not want you contacting her and you know he's checking her e-mail so you are probably just making things worse for her without meaning to. She knows you are going to be there for her, don't call the police, she won't leave unless she ready to and they wont arrest or press charges on him unless she tells them to. I can imagine it is hard to be the friend in this situation but this is something she is going to have to make the decision to stop herself. Abusive men have a way of sort of brain washing the women they are with into thinking the thing they do to them are their fault. Be really careful what you do!

Answer 18

there is not much you can do if you are not willing to actually go there and try to intervene - even then it might not work.  there is not much you can do from so far away.  try to be supportive in your emails in case she is reading - how much you love her, care about her and want her to be ok.  don't be critical of her.  

Answer 19

This is a rough one for you and your friend.  I would suggest contacting her family and friends that are living closer to her.  Let as many people know as possible.  If she is depressed she is not in the right frame of mind.  Then if something happens to her you will know you did everything in your power to try and help.  

Answer 20

Go get her.

Answer 21

Hi Mr Dove. It is the hardest and sometimes saddest thing in the world to accept that a friend is an adult and has a right to their own decisions, no matter how stupid we KNOW they are. Note that: *WE* know.

We have a friend who has completely gone off the rails after deaths in his family, by our way of thinking (and a lot more of his friends also) he is ruining his life by taking stupid decisions (or no decisions at all). In some ways it breaks your heart to see a good friend being so dumb. But unless advice is asked for - REALLY asked for - the best thing you can do with an adult in sound mind is to let them get on with it. It will of course bring you down, but that's a price you/we all have to pay.

Life can be very unfair !

Answer 22

Omg that is serouse, you should get involved and call the police on that man without her knowing, she will thank you afterwards. This man is gonna kill her sooner or later, time is ticking, quick.

Answer 23

Call the girl, and tell her, "Your eyes are blind to all the bad things this man is doing to you. You see but you don't believe. You need to get rid of that guy! I'm saying this because I care about you. I don't want this man to harm you physically or mentally." And when you call, you need to make sure you talk to the girl. Not leave a message, you need to talk to her directly. Then say, "If this man doesn't leave you alone, I need to call the police because I care about you and I worry for you!"

Answer 24

You know it looks like you really care. ofcource help her! If you love her (which it looks like you do) help her!

Answer 25

For probably less money than it takes to go out there to her, you can hire a private investigator. You can ask the investigator to find out where she is and to inform her that you are willing to come and get her out of there if this is what she wants. They have their ways. If she is wanting out of there, then go out there and get her or have her go with the investigator to a safe house and pick her up there. Let it be her choice though. This is a free country and we all have rights. That means that we have the right to live a miserable life if that's what we choose.

Answer 26

save her life find out where she lives and pay her a visit

Answer 27

ok 1st..dont write her emails..obviously the man is going to read them and if it says "call the police" then the man will start threatening her even more NOT to call the police..i think ur only choice is find out the address of the new apartment and go there...this really is ur only choice...come into the apartment and just say that u missed her and see if the man says anything like 'ur not welcome here' or something like that..if he does then CALL THE POLICE! say u believe he is either physically or orally abusing ur friend and she wont do anything about it..but dont tell ur friend ur doing that because the man might overhear and threaten her to say that he doesnt do anything to her...

hope evrything works out well for ur friend

Answer 28

for personal experience, i def. think you should help her get out.

it's very hard to leave a relationship like that.

it just get's worse.

Answer 29

You are trying to help her, but if she's refusing to get help there's nothing much you can do about it. And if the only communication you have with her is email and you say that he checks it too, what else can you do but hope for the best and she snaps out of it.

Answer 30

just write her emails and hope for the best, you can also search her name online and find out what state shes in 2 months! omg!

Answer 31

SAVE HER!! She's your friend. If it was you, should would help you too.