Do you think that I should lend my FRIEND a hand, or just let her DIE ?

Question

I hope that she doesn't though. I need some perceptive answers here.

She is involved in an abusive relationship. This man moved in with her

after only 30 days. Things got worse. He started checking her emails,

and cell phone messages, too. She became depressed, and started

smoking again. Then she was told that she could not talk to me ever

again, after they had an altercation. Now she has moved to a different

apartment complex in the same city with him. He has isolated his victim, and she is living in fear. All I can do is email her, hoping he does not see them before she does. What do you think ? How is she

feeling right now this very minute about her life and situation ? And

does she want me to come to her rescue ?

Answer 1

yes you need to go do something fast because my mom was in that situation  and she ended up dieing from stress and depression but i was to young to do anything but she is just saying she dosent need help because she is scared and afraid that her boyfriend will find out she really needs your help she just isn't saying it ...when he is not there try to go over there and talk to her or something but if that is to risky then keep sending her emails telling her that she really needs help and that you could possibly do something and tell her that her boyfriend dosent have to know that you are getting help and try to tell her to look positive dont let the depression get in the way of your life tell her to try to keep moving and dont let her fall in a hole that she cant get out of ....i hope i helped and i hope every thing works out for the best

Answer 2

Hhmmm. Very tricky. In the first place, you should on no account email her as you will just endanger her more. Is there a possibility that you could see her at her college, without him? Or let her know through another person that you are there for her?

            It sounds to me that you may have more than friendly feelings for her and that you are hoping that if you 'rescue' her, these feelings may be reciprocated.

           At the end of the day, it is her choice and her responsibilty to be with this person. I'm sure she knows you're there for her. You can't recue someone who doesn't want to be rescued.

Answer 3

grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change

the courage to change the things i can

and the wisdom to know the difference

she has to make her own decisions unfortunately we cannot make them for others or pull them out of the hole they dig....the more you are against her decisions the more she will be pushed towards the abuse and you will not be accepted in her life.....be there as a LISTENER and keep you opinions to yourself..unless she asks..let her know you are worried about her,you love her and that you will pray for her well being....he will try to get all of her friends out of her life and he may succeed..don't take her life personally and when she comes to you have open arms....good luck..

Answer 4

she's choosing to stay there

but probably out of fear too

so yeah rescue her

but be very careful

but do know that she WILL go back to hiim after you rescue her

they always do

they're addicted to the way of lfie

Answer 5

My wife went through this before me and you just need to be there for her.

She needs to want to make a change and get away from him or she will go back and forth.

it isn't healthy and if there is  any way you can see her without him around let her know your there and willing to help.

That is all you can do. Just don't turn your back on her

Answer 6

About the only thing you can do for her is be a true friend. Don't give up on her, but don't interfere with her either, as this could just cause a lot more trouble for her. Do have her agree to an "emergency" code you can use between the two of you, so that she can let you know if she is in danger and needs your help. This is essential! I know, because I have been through this myself. All you have to do is come up with something that can't be detected by "him", or look or sound suspicious to him if he's right there when it's going down. Like, you could have her call you under a special ringtone you can set up on your phone (so you know it's her) and have it ring only once or twice, then have her hang up and do it again. This is best if it's set up on speed-dial, too. This is a good way to know if it's an emergency call. Or, there could be a text code you could use between you, so that as soon as you see it, you know she's in trouble and needs help. Usually, when things get bad, a person only has a moment or two to do whatever they can to try to get help. This is a good method to use. Hopefully, it will never come to this, but if it were to, it could save her life. Another means of  allerting someone is to use code-talk... like, if you're on the phone, or online, or whatever, she could say a code word or sentence that would allert you. Like, she could say, "What time is it?" or "I think I'm getting a headache." or whatever works. It's simple, inconspicuous, and it works great. Preparation is key! If she has a system to deal with it, if and when the time comes, she may avoid serious harm. I'm glad you asked this question. The world needs more "friends" like you, who are willing to be there through thick and thin. I say, hang in there! You actually could save her life. And, if nothing else, you may be able to show her that at least someone cares... something she's probably not fully aware of right now while she's struggling through this. If it wasn't for the people who cared about me when I was going through this, I would probably still be in that situation, and in a real mess!

Answer 7

Well I was going to say call authorities but since you already did, I would say to just let her be. It's sad I know. What I would do in your situation is not email her because if he finds it, her life could be on the line. You should only email her one more time to tell her that if she needs you to call you or IM you. Make sure you explain to her that you are only doing whats safest nd as hard as it is to not email her, you just don't want to see her hurt or dead. You sound like a very Noble person and she is lucky to have a friend like you. I never understood how people can be so cruel. Good luck to you and I will pray for her.