Do you think that actions of being a good adoptive Mom and good birth Mom are THAT different?

Question

Good birth mom: One who parents their child or not; one who makes choices based upn the best interest of their child. One who would gladly give their life for child. One who loves their child unconditionally.

Answer 1

Not in the since of being a "mom", but there are many different circumstances that an adopted child may have gone through that a birth child would not have, that an adoptive mother should take into consideration.  

Adoptive mothers should take into consideration that these children [particularly the older adoptees] have gone through a lot.  Older children had to face rejection from their birth parents, bounced from foster care to foster care, which affected their ability to feel secure, and often times, physical and sexual abuse.

As far as day to day routine, their actions are the same, but adoptive mothers should pay close attention to the behavior of their adopted child and be open minded to the fact that the adopted child might need more than just a roof over their head, food, clothing and education.  They might need a little more patience and understand and, more than likely, counseling.

Answer 2

No.. absolutely not..

The things needed/required to be a good mother are necessary to ANY woman wanting to be a mother, whether she has the child biologically or not

absolutely no difference

EXCEPT maybe adoptive moms need to have a bit more research into adoption and the issues involved.. guess that takes a bit more work.. they have to have more understanding about what their child may feel..

But on the other hand, bio moms have alot more research to do in how to have a healthy pregnancy/childbirth.. adoptive moms don't have to worry about that, per se.. BUt still....

But if a single woman can be a good biological mother, so can a single adoptive mother

If a not-wealthy couple can make a good adoptive family, then so can a not-wealthy couple make a good biological family

the things that make a good mother or a good family don't change with whether the children share their DNA or not..

Answer 3

It doesn't matter whether you give birth or adopt.  A good mom is a good mom.  Mothering is about how you love and care for your children.  Relative to that there should be no difference between adoptive and biological.

Now there are some moms who give birth that should never have children and there are some that adopt who I'd put in the same category.  But a good mother is a good mother regardless of how she got her children.

Answer 4

No, which is why adoption doesn't always necessarily mean a child will have a 'better' life.

Just because a mother chooses to relinquish doesn't mean she would have been a bad mother; subsequently, the woman who adopts her child isn't automatically a better mother.  They are just DIFFERENT mothers.

Answer 5

a Mom is a Mom, it doesn't matter how you get there.  We all love our children more than anything and would easily give up our lives for them.  I honestly don't think it matters if you are an adoptive mom or a birth mom.

Answer 6

being a good mom to a biological child and being a good mom to a child who was adopted are very, very nearly the same thing. There are just specific (and perhaps non-specific, too) things an adoptive parent needs to take into consideration and try to understand -- that don't effect parents of biological children. Children who are from other cutures need to be allowed to and taught to understand and appreciate their culture of birth. Children who are adopted need to be told about the stories of their birth and adoption and be given time and answers, truthful and senstive answers, to all their questions. All children need to be loved and supported and taken care of and told the truth.

Answer 7

No.

Answer 8

Yes.  I do.  I couldn't possibly explain it better than Julie J.

Answer 9

A mom , no matter if you carried your child in your womb, or not is the same.  Being a good mom does not mean that you are biologically your child's mom- it comes from the heart- some bio moms are great moms, some are not, and some adoptive moms are great and some not- so the answer to your question is -  No- there is no difference- except how you became a mom.

Julie=- I totally get what you are saying about needing to educate ourselves on the needs of the adopted child, that is right- however I guess with being adopted myself, it was more automatic with me when I adopted my 2 children. Great answer though!!!

Answer 10

no  i dont think there should be any difference when it comes to parenting whether it be a child that is biological or an adopted child...you claim it as yours..the law says its your child.why would there be a difference in how you treat it in your parenting?

Answer 11

I couldn't answer this question better than Julie J - just wanted to second it (or third or fourth)

Answer 12

What are you asking?

Also, you are most definitely going to need to define what makes a good birth mom.  O_o  

edit to add: also realize that most who answer this question from the parenting category assume the birth mom is a mother who is raising biological children, not a woman who has relinquished her biological child for adoption which is why I ask you to define "good birth mom"

final edit to answer the question now that "good birth mom" has been defined:

I think that you are trivializing birthmothers, not biological mothers with this question.  If the question was based on good mothers with regards to raising their children, than most of the answers given are correct in stating that a good mother would rise to the challenge of meeting the needs of the child's situation regardless of emotional impact to the mother in question.

With birthmothers, aka women who relinquish their children for adoption, that really isn't necessarily true.  Sometimes it is, but I wouldn't say usually.  Speaking as a woman who has relinquished a child for adoption, I would have raised my child regardless of the emotional hangups I had regarding whether or not.  If you look at the women who relinquish at birth and see whether or not 1. they were properly counseled about the impact of adoption on their children, 2. the impact of adoption on themselves, and 3 impact of adoption on the rest of their family relations, being self-sacrificial for the purpose of being the "good birth mom" wouldn't be as prevalent.  Those women would more likely be stepping up to raise their children.

Since your question includes mothers who relinquish their children for adoption, the answer becomes clear as mud.  Are they relinquishing for the betterment of the child, when it's likely that choice isn't necessarily better just different?  Or, are they relinquishing because of the added supposed bonus of not having to parent and being able to continue on with their lives like they never birthed at all?  The myths and falsities that are told to expectant mothers who are considering adoption are extra prevalent and it makes the decision to relinquish as clear as mud.  A "good birth mother" when it comes to relinquishment is a horrible contradiction of terms and dismisses the plurality of emotions and decisions that such a woman has to make.

Answer 13

Hi Kristy,

You are right, there are many things that ALL mothers do that make them good mothers.  There are additional things that adoptive mothers must do to be good adoptive mothers that other mothers don't ever deal with simply because raising biological children is different from raising adopted children.  

Good adoptive mothers will educate themselves on the additional responsibilities and issues that come with adoption, and they will strive to meet the individual adoption-related needs of that child.  I might add the same could be said of fathers.  Thank you for asking.

julie j

reunited adoptee