Do you think that bickering over petty things can sometimes be beneficial to a couple?

Question

For instance... Do you think that a couple that bickers a lot about what band is better, where certain words come from, what philosopher is better, etc might do better than a couple that hardly ever disagrees but when they do, keep it bottled up?

In your experience with friends or with your relationships, have couples that argued more (about shallow things) lasted longer, lasted less, or is there no real correlation?

I ask because it seems as those couples wear their differences on their sleeves and love each other for all they disagree, so they find out about things they differ on right away, rather than having a dramatic breakup after a long time together when it turns out one likes Sartre and the other prefers Camus.

Answer 1

I think it's beneficial to a certain extent.  and as long as the couple can get over these little things.  If they can't believe that one likes Strawberry Jam over Grape and bring it up every chance they get it's not good.  But if it becomes a cute little inside joke then it's not so bad.  Argumentative couples do have better s*x lol s*x after a pithy argument is always  fun

Answer 2

I certainly believe bickering over little things is beneficial to a relationship.  I have two solid, amazing examples.

First example is my parents.

My parents never, ever fought about little things.  They would have one major blowout every few months, and it would be a huge hodgepodge of everything that had been going on, "petty" disagreements and serious ones too.  Everything would just culminate and come to a boiling point.

My boyfriend and I are example two.

We've been together for about 5 years now, and we bicker over "petty" things probably once a week.  It's never a big fight-- sometimes it's me insisting a word is pronounced one way and he says it's another, sometimes it's whether it's better to set the timer on the oven than to just watch it, etc.  I truly believe that it is because of our frequent little bickerfests that we do not have big arguments.

When couples have tiny fights over little things, it takes away a lot of tension.

Answer 3

i'd say it's healthier to bicker but a lot of people take things personally or are too concerned with just being right and let the bickering turn to fighting. From my experience it just depends on the people themselves some couples do better bickering while others are better off not

Answer 4

You have to remember that discussions are not always the same thing as disagreements. Relationships, where communication is well and alive in whatever form they prefer it, have a better chance for survival. They still retain the need to let their partner know how they feel. Now, communication is not easy for many people. Some don't have any idea how to do this, and expect their partner to literally read their minds, which is impossible and destructive. There are also people with anger issues, self centered and self serving nightmares of a partner and other abnormalities. The goal in every type of a relationship is to be able to communicate with your partner in a respectful and caring way, so there won't be any possibilities for misunderstandings, suspicions or hurt. Relationships where there is no communication to speak of have absolutely no chance for survival.

Answer 5

Yes, from what I've witnessed and experienced, couples that bicker over small things usually last longer. I think it's because emotions are not easily expressed and I think people who bicker can express those emotions through seemingly petty arguments. As long as the bickering isn't one-sided of course.

Answer 6

I think it really depends on what you mean by bickering. I think disagreeing is fine, as long as they respect each other's opinions. And I think playful "competitive" discussions can be fun; but real bickering, where people get testy with each other only lowers the general mood and makes it harder to be positive toward whoever engages in it.

Answer 7

lol I think that it works out for me and my guy. We get in lots of little arguments, and we almost never have big arguments.. I think it releases the tension

Answer 8

Yea

Answer 9

I think it's healthy to be with a partner that has different interests, and bickering over petty things can be a healthy way to release tension without resorting to aggression.

Sometimes my bf and I have actually had snappy b*tch-fights where we make sarcastic remarks back and forth for a while. Later, we get over our frustration, and laugh about it together.

It has helped us understand each other's triggers, sensitivities, and boundaries, and respect them better the next time around.

It's great to discover things that we like about each other that we don't find in ourselves, and those differences have enriched our life together. It's great knowing that we have common interests that we share and other interests that don't overlap and that allow us to retain our individuality and get some space from each other.

I find the strength of the relationship can't be measured alone on the way people argue, but I've always felt something was profoundly wrong in relationships that go a little too smoothly. Bottling up feelings, whether as a person or in the context of a relationship, is unhealthy both physically, mentally and interpersonally. Arguing on big things however, usually shows a deterioration in communication.

I've found that arguing over simple things and bickering over meaningless things can be a healthy way of release negative energy and a healthy part of communicating with your partner, as long as both learn something about the other's boundaries and sensibilities as a result. In fact, it prevents dramatic blowups by keeping the flow steady and evacuating negative energies.

It can also give you clues about what your partner enjoys and how to please them once you've crossed those boundaries unexpetedly. You learn to forgive your partner for small trespasses and show them respect of not repeating them. It's great for building trust.

It's also a great excuse for makeup s*x, which can definitely help a couple bond ;)

Answer 10

I bicker with my girlfriend a lot about beliefs but in the end we both know that we have different opinions and we respect each other's opinions.

So as long as you agree to disagree, I'd say it becomes more of a type of banter than anything else, and in my experiences banter has been very healthy in relationships.

Answer 11

A couple can disagree and still appreciate each others differences,  but I find that bickering over such trivial things is silly and a waste of time.

Answer 12

That kind of bickering always keeps things interesting; if you acquiesced to all of your partner's ideas, would you really want to bother with them anymore?

In my example, the guy I'm seeing and I were in a bookstore one day, and he insisted that Micronesia was a fictional place. The store had three globes, and I pointed out that all of them had Micronesia on them. His response: "Well, all those globes are wrong!" I still haven't convinced him.

Answer 13

I prefer speak your mind or forever hold your peace; as for the bickering it's best to avoid it; agree to disagree.

Answer 14

Yes i believe that couples fight alto and argue too

Answer 15

Not for me.  Although we do some good humoured verbal sparring occasionally I don't really think of that as bickering.  

We love to debate sports.  For example: baseball's "ghost tag" at second, he'll say it's a necessity to protect million dollar players, I say s***w that he didn't make the tag, runner's safe....  I don't care how freaking clear it is that he COULD HAVE made the tag, he didn't.....blah, blah....you're such a girl...yeah, you love it....blah, blah....

When I think of bickering I think of childish back-biting and petty meanness.  If I'm angry enough to treat him this way then there's nothing good about it!

Answer 16

Me and my husband simply call those debates. It is very healthy to disagree on occasion. It also teaches your children they do not have to agree with everything someone says to love them or be loved

Answer 17

Arguing is normal and healthy even. If you have a problem in your relationship, don't keep it inside let your partner know. Yeah there's better ways to deal with a disagreement than arguing but sometimes that doesn't work. Me and my gf, we argue a lot over small stuff but we could never not be together. In relationships its good to let the other person know how you feel because if you don't it will probably cause problems down the road.

Answer 18

No, absolutely not

FIghting constantly can be like living under a grind stone, at first it doesn't seem bad and may even make you proud that you can withstand it easily, but as it turns for months and then years it wears you thin

Fighting and bickering over nothing is not healthy and leads to even bigger fights once something worth fighting about comes around (like kids)

Disagreeing is fine, pursueing interests and friends outside of the marriage is even better (ie go to the spice girls concert with your friends, and i'll stay home) but screaming and ranting at me for 30 minutes because you thought Love actualy was better then Titanic is teenager c**p

Answer 19

My bf and I bicker....and we fight.  Both of us are right...lol, you know how it goes.  Then we're back to being best friends and laughing our @sses off together.  I think it brings us passion.  Maybe that might sound twisted to some...but we've been together 2 1/2 years.  And neither of us is going anywhere! :)

Answer 20

No need to worry about bickering over petty things. It's when there's constant bickering over the things that really matter that there is no benefit at all.

Answer 21

Lighthearted bickering over irrelevant subjects is fine as long as no one gets mad.

I do not think it has any correlation if a couple stays together or not.

Answer 22

Some couples bicker for fun, edge play in a way perhaps?

I know I bicker with my current for sport, but its never serious, just tongue in cheek and a laugh.