Do you think that calling a child "gifted" or "Specially able"?

Question

Is a sort of a label...in a negative way? I am asking because my almost 4 year old has been having problems fitting in at her school..in the UK they begin nursery the year they turn 4...and that is when they start toi learn reading and writing...my daughter has always been bright and highly strung...but to cut a long story short she has clashed with her teacher and the teacher has not dealt well with her. She tried to make her stop sucking her thumb..in her 1st few weeks at school! and also complained to me that my child wont colour in neatly and that she is "dumbing herself down through stubborness and an innate mischevious streak" Now they say that she may be gifted and I feel totally mixed up...I am unhappy that she is unhappy...my husband has divorced himself from the situation and I feel alone in it all. My daughter WONT do what her teacher says...and says she doesnt like school at all...but she talks happily of some of the other kids...I am so worried that she won't do well and

Answer 1

If you want what is best for your child, I would strongly encourage the learning testing. People learn in different ways. Some are verbal; some are through hands-on; and some are through sight. The best thing for her would be to be in a learning environment with others that learn like she does. It's not a negative thing.

You should also talk with her about listening and obeying her teacher. You as the parent should help enforce the school's rules and system while the child is at home.

Edit- Does she obey you? I assume so. Then you ought to be able to enforce that listening to the teacher is as important as listening to you. If she breaks the rules at school, then she should have consequences at home as well as at school for not obeying her teacher. If she's not obeying you and listening to you, then you have bigger issues to deal with than school.

Answer 2

Just because a child is gifted doesn't mean they can't suck their thumb at 3.  And no 3- or 4-year-old should feel pressured or feel like they need to dumb themselves down.  It sounds like your instincts are that this school is not a good fit for your daughter, and it sounds that way to me, too.  I'd look for a school that could both challenge your daughter and still keep in mind that she's just a little kid.

edit -- i think you misunderstood me.  i said being gifted doesn't mean she *can't* suck her thumb! my point is it's fine for her to suck her thumb and be a normal 3-year-old no matter how smart she is academically.  my kids are grades ahead of themselves academically, but that didn't mean they didn't have all the same other needs as a typical 3-year-old at that age.

Answer 3

Another massive flaw in our education system at thsi age they should be focusing on social awareness and positive attitudes not reading and writing...

We are about the only european nation left with these archaic systems. If children enjoy learning environments then the discipline battle is already won.. But we make them hate school... and make them feel stupid... "Dumbing herself down" that teacher is pathetic in my point of view she is 4. It sounds more like the teacher just wants to label the child to nurse her own ego and deny the problem.

All learning environments should have Visual Audial and Kinaesthetic components. Her learning style is irrelevant the content and style of the teacher is the issue here.

Obeying is just another form of fitting in.. She needs to be encouraged to express herself. Bah don't listen this is why I left teaching fools with big ego's

Answer 4

As a teacher in the UK with Early Years training I must disagree with you about the point that children start learning to read and write in nursery. That should not be the case at all. Nursery is supposed to be the year for becoming socially and emotionally ready for a school environment - getting used to sharing, taking turns, responding to the teacher, sitting quietly for short periods such as to listen to a story, etc. They will do activities to help with hand eye coordination in order that they are ready to start reading and writing when they get to Reception, but only if they are ready for it - drawing, colouring, cutting and sticking, jigsaw puzzles, bead threading, putting pegs in boards, etc. It should all be about play based learning. If the nursery teacher is formally teaching reading and writing then it sounds like she is pushing these children too early and making them regress because they feel like they can't live up to her 'standards.' Most children of 3 and 4 are generally kind hearted and would say 'I like your picture' or 'That's a good picture!' to someone who draws nicely so either there is a child there that is mean and said something unkind or your daughter is feeling too much pressure from the teacher and is defying her in little ways in order to feel more in control of the situation. Perhaps when she did draw nicely that was when her teacher complained that her colouring wasn't neat enough? Well, most children will feel thoroughly demoralized if they've tried their best and their efforts are swiftly put down. She's probably learned not to try again. I might look at other local schools and find one that is more play based in nursery and throughout the Reception year. I applaud you for not wanting your child put on a specialist programme - I really don't see the point of this so young. Your daughter should be allowed to develop naturally at her own rate and any good Foundation Stage teacher will enable her to do this.

Answer 5

I agree with the the teacher saying that she is dumbing herself down to fit in.

she feels out of place, so she will not succeed or excel if she stays where she is.

My daughter is also advanced and attends gifted/talented (that's what we call it in US) classes. she's 10 in 4th grade

It was a concern we faced too, we didn't want her to "skip" grades and not fit in socially. So we found out that there were other options. She gets to learn with other 10yr at her normal elementary school, its just a smaller class, with 5-6grade curriculum. She is doing great. They need to be challenged and kept interested.

Please look into what might be out there for your daughter.

You are concerned about labels and being put in a catagory... do you want her to supress her intelegence to conform to "normal"???? thats putting her in a box isn't it. Isn't "normal" a label?

Answer 6

I'm not familiar with the UK system, but here in the US, I can tell you that being labeled gifted was a curse for me personally.

Like everyone, I have my talents.  It just so happens that some of mine are the kind of things that are recognized by IQ tests and other methods of determining "giftedness."  But it's such a simplistic definition of skills and intelligence.  I've always recognized that while I'm quick and sharp with some things, I'm a moron when it comes to others.  In fact, I often felt off-kilter as a child ... how could I be so smart and still so dumb?

School was a mixed bag for me - I excelled at 3/4 of the subjects, but was a discipline nightmare.  And yes, I was in the "gifted" track throughout my education, but it didn't do any good.  It usually meant more coursework, not an outlet for thinking differently.  

Really, things didn't improve until my parents switched me to a private school where all of the kids were motivated, and achievement was a good thing.

Quite honestly, I'm stubborn and mischievous.  (And I'm 34.)  It doesn't dumb me down - it's the source of my creativity and some of my most highly developed skills.  It took years of un-learning the lessons of formal, regimented schooling to recognize when to trust my gut, when to argue the contrary point, when to hold my tongue.

If there is another educational option available to you, I'd explore it.  I detested school for years and years until I was finally out of the highly regimented public system.  My mother used to pry my fingers from the banister in the mornings because I refused to come down the steps.  

My new school was far more challenging - which is just what I needed.  It's too bad that someone didn't figure it out sooner, but for years, I was accused of "not working up to potential."

Your kid isn't broken; the environment might just be a poor fit.  No shame in that; I'd let her finish the year, but begin exploring your alternatives.

Good luck!

Answer 7

A child merely exercise her freedom under the care of her mother and it is obvious she inherited her mom's genetic ability.