Do you think that children are kind of like accessories to a family?

Question

I don't want to offend anybody, but one day I just came up with the notion that children, to me seem to be like an accessory to a childless family. Why are children born for? For the purpose of a couple's (parents) happiness. So the parents can spoil the kids, take care of them, pamper them, love and care for them, and the child can make the couple happy. That to me, seems pretty similar to like...having a pet. They could be the best thing in your life, but doesn't it seem as though it only benefits you? Them, too, of course, but specifically you. So let me ask you...why do you want children? Are some of the answers like: To make me happy, so they can make a difference in the world and be successful, so I can have a loving family, to complete my life....what are your answers? To me, it somehow leads to because of what you want and it's better for your benefits & just for you! I'm sorry if I've offended a few. I just wonder if anyone has ever thought of this. Please give me your opinion

Answer 1

Well, the best comment I've ever heard about having kids is "Wouldn't recommend it to anyone, but wouldn't have missed it for the world." Before I had my kids, I *thought* I was happy. But now I know that having kids is the point of life. So, no, it's not like having a pet or a new purse. It's like finding a missing part of you, that you didn't even know you had.

Think of it like having a really really hard job that changes people's lives: surgeon or soldier or international aid worker. It benefits you (money, career track, or whatever floats your boat) but also the people you come in contact with, and those who are best at the jobs are probably doing it, at least partially, for reasons other than the financial benefits.

Having kids is unbelievably hard work (for dads, of course, but especially moms). You may lose your pre-kid friends. You get set back in your career, usually. You lose a lot of time, freedom, privacy, space. Your relationship with your partner may suffer (lots of divorces right after the first baby!) Your body changes, permanently, and not for the better. You are exhausted. At times, it's boring. You'll spend a few years covered in other people's body fluids. It's unbelievably expensive, and pretty much no matter what your income level is, you'll have less discretionary money. Even with really well-behaved kids, many of your possessions will be destroyed or damaged (actually, maybe it is like having a dog).

And people still do it ... and say it's the best & most important thing they've ever done. Weird, huh?

Of course, in other countries, people have kids for other reasons, like to work on the farm. So in that sense, I wouldn't say 'accessories', but 'low-cost labor source'.

Answer 2

i've got both - a dog and a child.  actually, it was intentional that the dog came first because we wanted to learn what kind of parents we would be by trying to "raise" a pet first.  however, the ultimate goal was to bring a child into the world.  

i don't think i'm alone in saying that children is a legacy of the family.  parents want to give their children everything they never got as kids.  we specifically made career and other sacrifices to ensure our environment was as stable as possible for our child so i can't say i agree with the "accessory" argument because i think most parents give up more to have children then they get back in terms of tangible benefits.  i want our child to learn from my mistakes without having to go through the experiences i had to go through.  it's part of evolution.

i think if there is a "payoff" at the end of the tunnel, i hope our child grows up healthy and becomes a better person in every way than both of her parents combined, and hopefully will make it a better place for her children and others.  i don't that's such a bad way to leave a mark in the world.

Answer 3

yes i want children. Dont you know they're human beings??? Were'nt you a "child" at once. They deserve respect and are not ragdolls! They can be fun to be around and change your life! Maybe you should try the up and downs of children now!

This by the way is how parents and kids/teens get into fights!

Answer 4

I'm not an accessory

I'm the life of the family :D

Answer 5

I think I know what you mean,

the vibe I'm getting from you seems to strike a chord of parents being "selfish" in having children.  I think this may be partly the case, but it's not because they view their children as accessories ( at least they shouldn't)  

Children should be conceived out of desire to pass on legacy and life.

Answer 6

Some of what you said is true.  Some people do have children for the wrong reasons but for me having a child was a privilege given to me by God.  He blessed me with children so that I could guide them and encourage them to live out Gods will.   I am raising them to be soldiers for Christ.  The Lord depends on me to care for these children and in the process they are giving me love and are blessing my life in many ways.

Answer 7

Can you tell me any reason to do *anything* that doesn't come with a benefit for the person doing it?  

I would hope that every person who has kids does it because they *want to* do it, want to be parents, raise kids to the best of their ability, teach kids what they need to know, take care of them, etc.   Wouldn't it be sad if they didn't want to do that?  And, of course a parent wants their children to do well in the world.  Wouldn't it be wrong if they didn't want that for them?  

A parent wanting to be a parent is a benefit for a child.  Better than having parents who don't want to be parents, isn't it?

Answer 8

Whoa, I'm scared for April R.'s "soldiers for christ" .  Poor kids.  That's like the freakiest thing I've ever read.  

I know what you're saying about being accessories but really we're all just animals and it's an instinct for many to want to procreate and it usually brings a lot of joy because we are social animals.

Answer 9

I always wanted children, just because that's what girls wanted in my day. I'm 62. There weren't many other options back then.

My three children didn't want children: the girls because they'd witnessed the hard time I had bringing their brother into the world, and because of the general world situation. They didn't think it would be fair to bring a child into such a dangerous world. Their husbands finally convinced both of them to adopt and they have marvelous boys. Our son doesn't think he would be a good parent, but he's only 23.

Answer 10

In my opinion a family isn't a family until there is a children/are children in it. Now there are some people out there that look at children as tax deductions and those people should be shot but most people just want children...there is no definate reason why they do...as for me that is how I see it...my husband and I just decided it was time for babies..there was no real reasoning or rhyme to it....it was just we want to have babies. Now 2 daughters and another baby on the way,later we are still a happy little family.

And no I don't see children as pets or accessories.

Answer 11

I just always wanted to be a mom.  It was always such a strong desire.

I don't honestly have another reason.

Answer 12

Evolution in us wanting to reproduce? lol, umm I wanted children because I really wanted to be a mother and help someone else have a life just as great, I wanted to play the role of being mom and setting them on a good path, and hopefully an overall happiness.

Answer 13

i never really thought about it but i kno that i dont feel like an acessory because my family has helped me through alot of tough things and i know theyll always be there.

i dont particually want children. im omly 16 now so thats a while away but i see what parents go through

Answer 14

I think most humans have a nurturing tendancy.  That mixed with the fact that most humans want to create something.  I know I do:)

Answer 15

No, I've never thought of my child as an accessory or a pet. It's human nature (for most) to want a family to share life with.

Answer 16

to enhance the feeling of love,bonding and smiles

Answer 17

Unfortunately ,children ARE treated like accessories instead of children this day and time.

The parents have them and then tie them in the backyard like a dog so to speak, a little water, a little food shelter an occassional pat on the head and yelling for tearing out the garbage etc.

Or they place them in the shed like a snow blower.

Some leave them in the backseat of their car to roast to death.

Most just pay others to raise them while they work in order to have "nice things".