Do you think that it was God's plan to give you your adopted child?

Question

I have a problem with that. The people who adopted my grandson have said in their letters that it was in God's plan for them to get him. Would that mean that it was in God's plan for his mother to be a drug addict and for her and my son to have premaritial s*x? Was it in God's plan for my son to lose his son to strangers or for the rest of our family to have to live without him? Does that mean that God likes them better than us? I think that people need to think before they say stuff like that.

Am I the only one that feels that way?

Answer 1

I was on vacation in Vietnam years ago and met a poor woman that didn't have a penny to her name. I offered to take her child. God sent her to me because I can't have children.  

I hope I can help another woman in that position some day. I want to adopt 3 more babies.  

Answer 2

God doesn't make mistakes, but we tend to be pretty good at messing up His plans.

God certainly didn't intend for your son to have s*x before he was married, with a woman who would never have made a good mother for his child, but once that happened, God made a way for your grandchild to grow up in a safe and loving home.  Would it have been better for him to be raised for the last year by a drug addicted mother?

Your son made his decision when his pants hit the floor, and he did not keep in touch with the girl he had s*x with.  He needs to leave that family alone.

Answer 3

Well, you do have a point

But his mother and your son made such a decision

and i do believe it was in god's plans because

something good had to have come of it

but i mean a lesson had to have been learned to better someone

or something.

So, i mean you have every right to feel that way.

Answer 4

well i think god has a plan for everything and if the baby was in a bad home(before the adoption) then i am sure it was gods plan for the baby to have a good home with a loving family  

Answer 5

I was adopted and yes I feel in my heart that I was placed on this path and it was all part of God's plan.  I feel each person has a plan, one laid out before us, it is just a matter of time and decisions.  I feel there is a plan with crossroads and splits and decisions are made along the way but in the end we all have a plan.  

Answer 6

I so hear what you are saying.  Here is my take on things....

I do believe that God answered our prayers with our son.  I do not believe however, that God placed our son in the wrong belly or that God wanted our son to suffer abuse.  I believe that many things in life happen due to the Free Will that God granted us.  He does not always agree with or support the decisions we make as human beings, but He does offer solutions to us if we listen.  

In our case, we feel that God provided a solution to our son's first parents through adoption when they chose not to parent the child.  We feel that God had a hand in our son's first family finding us (through a mutual friend), and we feel that God gave us the strength to handle our son's medical disorder.  

Does that mean that everyone feels the same way?  No.  But I hope that I was able to explain a different perspective that perhaps your grandson's adoptive parents feel also.  If what they say bother you, be open with them and discuss it.  It's the best way to let them know that it is offensive to you.  I would never purposely intend to hurt my son's biological grandparents - and would welcome their input on how they feel about things.  We are blessed to have a very open relationship with them.  

Answer 7

I'm very sorry for what you, your son and the rest of your family are having to face.  Losing a family member is very tragic.  I'm very put off by people who act as though he is not your grandson (putting the word grandson in quotes, for example.)  He is and always will be your grandson, even if he isn't legally such.  I wish him luck.  He never relinquished his parental rights from his child.  

For the record, I don't buy the whole "God's plan" theory when it comes to families being separated.  God doesn't take children from homes and put them in other homes.  As a Christian, I find that very, very insulting.  Human beings made all of these decisions.

Answer 8

Maybe they thought it may have been of some comfort to you to know how much they love this baby that they think of him as a gift from god.

It is difficult for all concerned in these situations but that baby is with a family who will love him. I realise it is un fair as your son didn't know he existed until he was already adopted but that family are his rightful parents now. Both legally and emotionally.

I honestly believe that no-one would intentionally say something like that to upset you and I don't think it's wrong to say that it was in Gods plan for them to receive a child that they can look after better then the mother could.

I think your son should either ask for some sort of contact with the child or updates on how he is doing but I think it is wrong for people to try and fight for children back when they have been adopted out already.  

Answer 9

THAT ISN'T GODS PLAN THAT WAS THE CHOICE OF HIS PARENTS. BUT THANK GOD SOMEONE IS OUT THERE TO TAKE CARE OF HIM. IF THATS NOT WHAT THE COUPLE WANTED THEY WOULDN'T OF DONE IT. I COULD NEVER, BUT IF THE MOTHER WAS ON DRUGS,THE BABY IS PROBALBY BETTER OFF GOING TO A BETTER ENVIROMENT. IT'S SO HARD. COULDN'T YOU HAVE TRIED TO TAKE THE BABY? AND RAISE HIM UNTIL THEY HAD GOTTEN ON THEIR FEET? I KNOW ITS A TREMENDOUS RESPONSIBILITY BUT MAYBE SOMEHOW IT WOULD HAVE HELPED YOU TO FEEL BETTER.THIS IS A VERY TOUCHY SUBJECT.

Answer 10

First of all, God works all things together for good.  I am sorry if you feel that you lost your grandson.  That is something that I am sure is true.  No it was not God's plan that his birth mom was a drug addict and have premarital s*x- and it was not God's plan for your son to have s*x with her either. However, that happened.  His birth mom chose to place for adoption.  If your son was not happy about it, why didn't he fight it?  The family that received your "grandson" I feel was giving him as a gift from God.  Don't give me thumbs down, before you hear me out.   God is in control of everything.    God kept his birth mom from aborting him.  Why did your son allow the adoption if you think that it was God's will to keep him?  Just a thought.

Answer 11

No

The drugs and premarital s*x were acts of free will, they gave into temptation.

(p.s. I don't believe any of that c**p, I'm Agnostic, just trying to think like a Bible thumper)

Answer 12

I believe that time on Earth is so short. All of these trials will be just a blip .

I feel that my son is in my life, in just as meant to be as having a molar pregnancy, miscarage, difficult pregnancy delivery. Not just the joyful things.

Ecclesiastes 3

1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Answer 13

You really gave that some thought.

If it happened it was in God's plan.

You sound like you are very unhappy with your son decision either have s*x or give up the baby.

I understand, kind of, how you are feeling. I was a week away from giving my baby up for adoption.

I hope you feel better soon about the whole thing.

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

Answer 14

I can understand where you would find this sort of statement insensitive. I have always thought the "God's Plan" ideology was a little off. It is the equivalent of saying "I was raped so I could help others overcome being raped." I think it is a way of justifying. To say God has allowed or caused someone else's pain in order for another to have joy is a load of, well, you know. I think this is a big fault of christianity as a whole. And christians often feel a large sense of entitlement because of this belief.

And I can say this without malice as I am a christian myself.

I am sorry they have been so insensitive.

Answer 15

Oh, I hate that issue so very much. That's why I never bring it up anymore.

If I say it was process and not a "Fate" thing, it sounds like I'm dismissing the aparents' POV. If they say it was "meant-to-be", it sounds like they're dismissing my POV.

Here are some things I've seen and read on message boards and other blogs:

"Bless God for making everything happen the way it was supposed to have been so that we could be his parents. God knew we were the perfect parents for this little boy."

Implied: God took this little boy away from his biological parents JUST so we could become his parents. God knew those parents weren't worthy enough to raise their own son.

"Thank God for bringing our little girl home to us, right where she belonged. She may not be ours biologically, but that was just because she grew in the wrong tummy. However, God knew that we were the actual parents for this little girl and made things happen so that we could be matched up with her."

Implied: God knew that little girl shouldn't be living in China/Korea. He just knew that she would have no future there. She may not be ours biologically, but that was just because God made a *mistake* (gasp!) and put her in the wrong stomach. Clearly that woman's pregnancy was meant-to-be a vessel just so she could give up her child and *we* could become parenst.

"Oh, don't take this the wrong way. We feel sad for the biological parents, sure we do, but we feel that things worked out best this way for *our* child. Besides, we'll take her to the Mandarin buffet once a year for Chinese New year - she'll still know her culture even though she's an American now."

Implied: We feel sad that the bio parents couldn't take care of their child - but wasn't it really for the best that they couldn't take care of her? Wasn't it really for the best that *they* had financial problems/poverty so their own child could be taken from them?

Because to me... when people say "It was God" "It was the Red Thread" "It was a ladybud" "It was Fate"... they are saying it was meant-to-be. And whatever caused that "meant-to-be" in the adoptive family came from a situation that also warrants the "meant-to-be"... which in turn means that whatever tragedy affected the biological parents was ALSO "meant-to-be."

Basically: If a little girl ends up with an adoptive family, it is "meant-to-be." Take it a few steps backwards. She ended up with that family because she was put in the orphanage. So the orphanage was "meant-to-be." But how did she end up in the orphanage? She was "abandoned" in a field or a marketplace, so *that* also comes along with the "meant-to-be" theory.

If she was meant-to-be with her adoptive family, then doesn't that imply she was meant-to-be put in the orphanage for several months, and doesn't that mean she was meant-to-be left in the field/marketplace so she could be put IN the orphanage? And lastly... wouldn't that all mean that she was left in the field/marketplace because the situation that forced her biological parents to DO so was also... "meant-to-be"?

If you're going to say you are lucky and blessed, GO FOR IT. Say how much you love your daughter or son. Saying something like "I love her so much that it FEELS like it was meant-to-be but I know God would never have wanted her mother to suffer" sounds so much better than "I love her because she was meant-to-be my daughter."

Because otherwise... do you have any idea of how dismissive that would feel and does feel?

And then someone will say, "Well I don't believe God caused her tragedy but I do believe He makes good circumstances happen from bad ones."

There's one flaw in that statement. Adoption doesn't occur without tragedy. So if God is for adoption... then shouldn't God be the one responsible for tearing mothers from their children?

And I am so gonna get my a$$ kicked by aparents after writing all that.

Because you know what? Some aparents DO believe it wasn't Fate. Some aparents DO believe that their child's loss wasn't "meant-to-be" just so God could make something good come out of it.

Answer 16

There is no God.

Answer 17

I don't think God planned for my children to suffer the losses they have. I don't think God plans suffering for anyone.

I think some people are flawed.

I think life is unfair.

I think that adoption should be a way of trying to help out children who can't be raised by their own families.

Answer 18

First of all I don't believe that God makes plans for us. We are the once everyday who make our choices and have to live with it's consequences. I do think in general we put too much emphasis in God's actions, but I can also see where it is a comfort for some people to think this way.

This being said, I am convinced on the other hand that my husband and I were meant to adopt our second daughter and not have another biological child. It is something we feel very strong about it. Her birth mother couldn't take care of her and abandoned her anonymously so we could adopt her. All the circumstances and things that happened along the way convince me even further. I know this sounds a bit crazy but I even felt when she was born. I kept thinking that my daughter was born now and when we cot her papers it did turn out that her birthday is right around that time when I had these feelings.

But I still wouldn't say this was God's plan, I just think fate meant it that way and it was another woman who had to carry her and give birth to her.

Good luck to your son and to you, but keep in mind that the adoptive parents love their son and how much heart ache and pain it would cost them to loose him. I know I never want to give up my daughter now, but I will help her find out about her birth mom should she want to when she is old enough.

Answer 19

i think most people co-opt "God" way too much when they need to  rationalize their behavior or things that have happened to them.  personally, i don't think God has that much free time to be overly involved with adoption, infertility...or conception for that matter.

tell your son to keep fighting...

Answer 20

Nothing annoys me more when some people say "God lead me to this" or "It was Gods will".  I really think its some sort of out for some people, you know so they don't have to personally take responsibility for their actions because "God made them do it".

Personally, God never entered my mind when I decided to adopt.

Answer 21

NO, we are given free will to choose how we live our lives. Therefore we have to take the consquences of our actions. I'm not saying an adoption is a consquence, i'm just speaking in general. But using that thinking with adoption; no God did not plan for a birth mother to be an addict or for kids to have s*x at a young age. Nor does he plan for people to be infertile. NO, God is not that cruel, he wants us to be happy. The birth mother here made a choice and unfortunately one that conceled the baby from your son. I hope you get some closure with this if your son is fighting the adoption.

Answer 22

If anyone believes that, then they must be believe that everything is planned, by God.  He wouldn't plan some events in a person's life, and not others, would He?  Would He plan one PERON's life, and not another person?  No, I don't believe He would.  I don't believe He would plan some of the horrific happenings that many people go through, especially children.

I believe in free will.  I believe He did not and would not create the need for our children to need a home.  But, instead lead us to them with prayer and our willingness to be open and listen to our hearts.

Answer 23

Not at all.  I agree with you. Did God make the woman who adopted your grandchild infertile?

God gives us free will.  The rest is up to us.

ETA: B*b B.: "Just another kid made from his s***n'?  Something tells me YOUR s***n can't 'make' anything.

Answer 24

You are soooo right to be upset about that. Adoptive parents dont really know about the sad end of adoption because they are only getting the joyous end. They gain a beautiful child, not have to mourn the loss of one.

If you want my honest opinion, I think Gods plan is for your grandchild to have his original parents. Thats why they had him. Unfortunately we all make our own decisions in life and things dont always go as planned.

good luck.

Answer 25

Following their logic...means....:

It was God's plan that my bio-parents abused me so badly that at the age of seven I was removed by CPS and hospitalized.  And then it was God's plan that I spend 11 years in foster care, moving from place to place.  And it was also God's plan that some of those other foster homes were just as bad as my bio-parents.

And now, it is God's plan that I suffer from severe PTSD and wish I was dead everyday of my life.

Great God then.

I see some faulty logic.  Peace to you.

Answer 26

I always have a huge problem with people saying things like that.

'God's' plan included my parents dying when I was 10 days old, in a N.I. car bomb because they were the wrong type of christian?

'Gods' plan included my 1st adopted family giving me back into care because 'god' had blessed them with 'real' twin babies?

'Gods' plan included my 2nd adoptive parents kicking me out age 16, saying i needed an exorcism and i was evil because of my sexuality?

If that's God's plan, then he's not worth my prayers.

It's either one or the other. If it is part of his plan,. then he' a git. If not, then he's not there.

Answer 27

I believe my son was meant to be my son.  Period.  Y'all don't have to agree with me.

In God's eyes we all are equally loved; we are ALL his family... we are all HIS children, whether biological, fostered,  adopted, donated, whatever.