Do you think that some people who are interested in adoption will be scared away?

Question

after reading lots of the angry nut balls post on here? The resentment, bitterness, sometimes hatred toward adoption... How many of you have changed your mind about wanting to adopt after reading what some of these ungrateful/angry ppls comments?

Answer 1

Of course. It's an incredibly skewed and extremist group that presents a very inaccurate picture of the adoption community. If I weren't adopted and read the rants from the handful of extremely trouble adoptees who post here I would be very concerned.

I've tried to ask if the intent is to end adoption. A few a fairly open about wanting all adoption to just magically go away but most seem too involved in their tantrumming to even think about the effect of their unreasonable words on users who come here for information about adoption,

It's so sad to see such bad judgment from such a small group of people have the potential to strand innocent children in orphanages and foster homes.

You would think that people would try a little harder to find some compassion and concern for others.  

Answer 2

Not such a good idea to attack people with name calling, my friend.

Answer 3

I have always thought of adoption as a great thing and still do.  My cousin Tammy adopted one little boy and will be adopting  little girl very soon (papers are already going through should be done next week).  She said it was a hard road but she is happy she did it.  I have other adopted family members too so adoption is just something i will always be open to if I am ever in the position to do it.  You have people that are happy no matter what, those that complain about being adopted probably wouldn't have been any happier being raised by their biological parents.  

Answer 4

Not me i plan to adopt a Chinnese girl when i get married mabey even sibling girls not twins though

Answer 5

Let me just say this... i meant no disrespect in my question when i asked it. i mean it seems that you feel that in order to be happy i must hate my birth mother and not want adoption reforms of any form that could benefit all involved. I do not disagree with adoption. I would never discourage anyone from adopting. the only time i may discourage someone is if they say they are looking to adopt and if there is anyone who knows of someone for a private adoption or is pregrant and wants a private adoption on yahoo answers. They may give out their email address and things.In this case i speak up, because the adoptive parent could open themselves up to fraud and it could be safer going thru a respectful adoption agency. I can't agree with you in not feeling a loss, because i do. I was adopted at the age of 4, so i do remember my birth mother and for a long time my anger was at her. I mean how could she of given me up, it was not like she was forced to by her parents. so i  couldn't understand it. now that i'm older i do understand that she did what she did. my b-mom knows that the woman who raised me is who i consider my real mom.  Oh, and by the way i did have the support of my adoptive parents to find my mother. Once i found her and asked the questions that i wanted i was sastified. i guess you could say i'm a little angry, because you accused me of being unhappy and having low self-esteem, yet you get upset if others tell you off or write something you disagree with. this is a place people give their opinions and answers. we may not agree on a lot, but u have to respect other people. I think where u get the anger part from some adoptees on this board, is because you and other make fun of them for wanting reforms in adoption that benefit all involved and that they have reunions with their b-family.

Answer 6

I sure as h**l hope so!  If you can't handle a few emotions, you CERTAINLY can't handle being an adoptive parent.  Run fast and far!

If, on the other hand, they are able to open their minds and understand that there is a POTENTIAL for negative emotions that come out of adoption, then no, of course they won't run away.  They'll listen and learn, and become better adoptive parents for it.

P..S. Hi Kristy.  Love the new account's avatar.  You gonna block me on this account, too?

Answer 7

I think adoption is great. I mean think about it... These kids have felt unloved because they were given away and dont have a family and someone or a family actually gives them a home and gives them a family and makes them feel like something important and the families make a big difference in someones life .

Adoption is something that young parents end up doing when they cant handel a child at such a young age but its great that people give them a home.

I really want to adopt children when I get older because I have a friend who was adopted at 12 years old and she thought no one loved her and she just wanted to give up and she was adopted and she is doing great in school and her family is getting along great and she actually helped her parents grow closer than ever.  She now is a straight A student and a great athlete and gave a speech at her graduation to her family and it was great.

Answer 8

People are mean and they are stupid ... whats wrong with adoption? Every child needs someone to hug and to be taken care of ...

I would love to adopt a little sister for my son in the future!! :)  

Answer 9

Only the crappy ones.

The good adoptive parents listen to adoptees.  Adoptees ARE adoption after all!

I'm glad to say I've encountered several lovely PAPs and APs right here on Y/A.  Unfortunately, the crappy ones who go round calling adoptees 'angry nut balls' are still managing to adopt

Who's an angry nut ball - you seem pretty hot and bothered yourself, madam!

Have a good day

Answer 10

i have no idea what you mean. i havent seen anyone post anything negative about adoption. although i would have some serious questions about the stability of the birth parents.....i thin ki will always be open to adopting.

Answer 11

All I can say is that, if Y/A is enough to put you off adoption, then you don't have any business adopting.  Adopting is complex and you will probably have more things to worry about than people's opinions.

Y/A is just one way to educate yourself about adoption and as you can see its not all roses.

People's opinions here have not put me off at all.  I know what my situation is and I can respect that people have different opinions. I stay here because it's a way to get different perspective regarding adoption as well as learn a few things along the way.  It is also the only place I know that gives you an adult adoptees perspective which I find important because it could be the way your child will see things when they become an adult.  

I am also able to separate my situation from other peoples so it makes it easier not to take things too personally.

Answer 12

I am an AP. I NEVER EVER post a question in this section because i don't want nasty and mean  responses from anti-adoption drive group here. I used www.resolve.org, www.ivf-connections.com and www.rubber-ducky.org when i was adopting and i am so gratefull i never came across this section then. Even if i did, ............i would never change my mind, but it would have got me terribly upset as those were very emotional times for me too.

Now i just read the rave and rant and know these people (anti - adoption group) had a sad life growing up adopted and probably were not nurtured enough as a baby.Some were sadly abused. I try and understand where they are coming from .

but i NEVER post a question here to avoid them saying anything hurtfull to me personally. I know all they can do is thumb me down and i expect it.

Answer 13

haven't changed my mind at all....still waiting for our beautiful daughter, and never giving up!

Answer 14

I would hope they would not base any decisions on YA boards. I find that pretty immature for one to change their  mind about something so big just because you read a few negative remarks from people.  People should just keep an open minded about everything they read negative or positive.

I have not been put off from adopting in the future if able. Reading many of the opinions and feelings has been good for me. That said I am able to realize that those are just people opinions and their own experiences. And that that poster does not speak for everyone.

Answer 15

Vr: Ah. The typical "You're just complaining about adoption because you had a sucky childhood" reaction. Very unoriginal proposed thought there.

Suffice to say, it is simply not true.

It only makes people feel better to assume that the "angry" adoptees had horrible childhoods because they can't face the fact that it is possible to resent having been relinquished yet love your adoptive parents at the same time.

Answer 16

why change ur mind to adopt all children need someone to love and care for them who cares what others think your the one doing it not them and one day i AM going to adopt no matter what

Answer 17

Cripes, I hope so.

If they can't handle the heat here, on Y!A, they don't have the STUFF it takes to properly raise other people's children.

I thought you wanted us to BRING IT, sounds like you can't handle IT...

Answer 18

I like the idea of adoption, personally.

Answer 19

Yep, and someday when you have your bitter, angry, ungrateful nutball living in your home, you'll be wishing you'd have paid more attention to what we were talking about.

Answer 20

Byiitch,

If they are scared away by the truth then they can't handle being an adoptive parent.

Thanks to many of these "angry nut balls" I have learned alot about what my son is going through. I have learned how adopted people are discriminated against (no access to their own records). I have learned that even though my son's f-parents neglected and abused him, he still feels a loss and he still misses and loves them.

Who am I or anyone else to tell an adoptee how the h**l THEY should feel.

I think maybe you need to read the questions and answers better. I have seen very few that hate adoption but I have seen many that dislike the system.

Answer 21

It didn't change my mind to adopt. What it DID change was my understanding of adoption.

When I entered this process I understood it in completely different terms. I understood that I would be 'helping a child out' giving a child a 'forever family' etc. I felt all adoptions were a good thing. That adoption was a wonderful thing for both aparents and achildren.

However, people in this forum have taught me so very much. I am a very compassionate person, yet I couldn't see prior that there were many aspects of adoption. That adoption was NOT always the best decision for the child, that it was NOT always the most ethical decision for the child, that NOT all adoptive parents were 'better' than the original parents, that not all agencies were wonderful, loving places where they were looking out for the best interest of the children.

If you have not learned this, and many other things, then you have a lot to learn. It isn't about others being angry. I don't live their lives and I can't control their anger....but their POINT is what I am interested in....what led them to that anger, hurt, resentment. What caused them to feel the way they feel. If you deny that, then you are denying your adoptive child a chance at a happy, well-adjusted life. I can't say enough about the 'angry adoptees' advice that I have received in this forum. It has literally stopped me from making decisions that could potentially harm my child.

Examples include:

Changing his name, cultural issues, finding out about his birth family and learing about his medical info and how important these are for my child, doing everything in my power to keep some line of communication with his first family, keeping him in touch with his first foster family, teaching him about his history, talking to him about his adoption, not telling others about his personal history and background, challenging the agency to look for the birth father, challenging the agency to act in an ethical manner as it pertains to our son and his first family and their rights to him.

The list goes on, but those are just a few things I have learned from 'angry adoptees'.

<<adoptive mommy through foster care.

Answer 22

i know there are a lot of weirdos out there. i am adopting 4 kids. i have had them as foster children for 3 years. yes they drive me nuts, yes their bio family is drugies ect.,, but i am doing it not for me, but for them i love my kids and would never not want to do it. there are bad stories on adoption and it has turned out bad, but c**p i hear more and more about the bio parents on here hurting their own children.  

Answer 23

The only person I see outright insulting people on here is.... YOU.

Take a look in the mirror. Are you a reflection of someone who adopts? are you a reflection of someone who was adopted? How many people would change their mind on adoption based on the behavior you're showing on this forum? Maybe they don't want someone in their home as bitter as you?  

Answer 24

Hasn't changed my mind. I know many people who are adopted, and very happy. Some who had been with their biological parents before being adopted even said they wouldn't have changed how things turned out, for anything. I think people come on here and complain because they had a bad childhood. Those who had great childhoods don't come and complain, so you don't get to hear their side of adoption.

Those who rant online are miserable people, and would be regardless of how their life turned out, they are hateful and resentful, and most of them would find anything to complain about.

Answer 25

Seriously, if they are scared away good.  Being an adoptive parent is hard work and it is not for the faint of heart.  Just reading some of your answers and questions, i can see how strong of an advocate i will have to be for our adopted children.

The "angry nut balls" here provide support, help, information, and educate all of us on adoption.  I have seen them attacked, put down, belittled, and insulted yet they return to make a difference.  I admire them.  

If they are what you define as "angry nut balls", then go ahead and throw me in that group too, i'd be honored.